Nearly 19 years of marriage ,3 great children,no debt, a job he loves, great house, great social life ,soooo after a 3month affair that i found out about 1 month ago he has moved out and doesn't want to try.The ow lives 200 miles away and has only met 6 times!! The children think that he is away on exercise( military) and only 2 immediate friends know ,, so i have left the path open to him to try again . I found this web site quite early on so I have plan A for a 1month until the counsellor said that there were so many negative vibes from him and he just would not talk,I found out he rang his friend last night to see how we were he said he was very down.I suppose I'm in plan B as I told him not to ring but to write to the children he's been gone 5 days and hasn't done that.We aim to meet at counselling on july 1st. Why do they not put the effort into the marriage or even give it a 2nd go? Please help me think straight.I'm from the UK as we don't have anything this good over here. [LIST]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by uk-er:
<strong>The children think that he is away on exercise( military) and only 2 immediate friends know ,, so i have left the path open to him to try again . I found this web site quite early on so I have plan A for a 1month until the counsellor said that there were so many negative vibes from him and he just would not talk,I found out he rang his friend last night to see how we were he said he was very down.I suppose I'm in plan B [LIST]</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi there. I'm not going to be giving you great advice, but I did have two things to comment on:

1) As far as I know, you can't go on Plan B until you've exhausted Plan A. Plan A will take several months, to several years before you can move onto Plan B.

2) Affairs can only flourish in the guise of secrecy. While I'm not recommending you go around and tell everyone he has had an affair, what I am saying is that keeping the situation secret, will only help aid him, and shield him from the consequences of having an affair. With no repercussions, there is no drawback.

Check the older topics on this board, you'll find many instances of the betrayed spouse, and you'll benefit from what has been said, as well as the advice offered.