Wife and I are most likely getting a dissolution. She told me that she wanted everything and I basically said ok. She is the one that doesn't want to be married anymore, I am trying desperatly to get her back. I think I said ok to whatever she wanted so she wouldn't be mad at me. I do want her to be ok financially after this but her demands would not only have me leaving with nothing but put me in debt. I talked to a lawyer the other day {she doesn't know I did} and he said that it was so lop sided that a judge wouldn't award her this. My wife thinks that we are going to use one lawyer {hers} and we have a meeting next week with her to go over a draft of the seperation agreement. What I am going to do is go read through it and tell them I want my lawyer to look at it. Boy is she going to be pissed.
I guess my question is does anyone think this is wrong of me to be doing this behind her back? Like I said before, I do want her to be ok and am willing to give her more than her fair share but I can't leave this marriage in debt.
Another thing is she is being nice to my face and wants to be friends afterwards beacause she says she still loves and cares for me but she is bashing me to other people. I think she is playing nice with me so I give in to her demands. I hope that isn't true but I feel it is.

no you are not being nasty, you have to make sure you protect yourself during this process. Getting another lawyer to look at this is perfectly logical and reasonable.

I did the same, and now I regret it, because Ive been left with nothing but the bills and debt. You dont have to be nasty about it, you can be a total gentleman and maintain your decency through this, without stooping to her levels. Get someone else to look at the agreement for sure, if it really is the end, you atleast want to walk away with the shirt on your back.

Taking care of yourself is the right thing to do. I also made the mistake of agreeing to use my STBXH's lawyer in order to keep him from being mad at me. Think about it... why should he be mad at me when he's the one having the affair, being abusive, leaving me to take care of the kids and run our business alone...?? But, I wanted him back so I let him go back and forth between me and OW for months meanwhile being abusive and irresponsible. Where did it get me? Still trying to get divorced but it's way more difficult because I let it drag on so long without doing enough to protect myself.

You are only taking what's rightfully yours, in most cases 1/2 of the community property, no more but also no less.

Taking care of yourself is the right thing to do. I also made the mistake of agreeing to use my STBXH's lawyer in order to keep him from being mad at me. Think about it... why should he be mad at me when he's the one having the affair, being abusive, leaving me to take care of the kids and run our business alone...?? But, I wanted him back so I let him go back and forth between me and OW for months meanwhile being abusive and irresponsible. Where did it get me? Still trying to get divorced but it's way more difficult because I let it drag on so long without doing enough to protect myself.

You are only taking what's rightfully yours, in most cases 1/2 of the community property, no more but also no less.