My girlfriend has expressed "concern" with my ability to maintain erection long enough. I told
her it is due to lack of practice and a desire to wait
until marriage to resume sex.Ido not want our bond to be just about sex.
Now she says that unless I can "prove" myself to her she would not consider marriage. Saying that a lack of being able to perform could cause problems and maybe divorce. I told her her comment makes me feel like a piece of meat. And that I am considering ending my relationship with her. She is showing me a selfish side I did not think she had.

Denver, Although sex is not the only thing involved in a relationship....it is important when a person thinks it is important. You can go to the movies, go camping, go to dinner...with other people, but the person you are committed to is the ONLY person you should be having sex with. And if you think she is selfish for wanting to be 'sure' that she will be satisfied with you on a physical basis...and that bothers you, maybe you should consider the fact that you just might not be compatible. <at least in the bedroom>. I think she is right to voice her concerns and if you two are contemplating marriage, you need to learn to listen to her and not just take offense.
Now on the more practical side, there are all kinds of books available to help a person get more in tune with themselves sexually - and lots of 'how to' books available also. And this is even more practical, but I am not sure of the name of the company....because I wasn't really paying too much attention. But there is a clinic in the Orlando Florida area that deals with 'erectile' concerns. One guy (and he was not joking) on the radio was telling how he went to this clinic and they used something on his penis and he maintained an erection for about 2 hours. I am sure there are clinics like that all over the country. You might want to call your doctor and inquire about this kind of clinic. Don't be ashamed to ask for 'help'. Good heavens - what do you think Viagra is for? (not implying that is what you need...don't misunderstand me). Just, YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE. Good luck. CLK-K

Denver, Although sex is not the only thing involved in a relationship....it is important when a person thinks it is important. You can go to the movies, go camping, go to dinner...with other people, but the person you are committed to is the ONLY person you should be having sex with. And if you think she is selfish for wanting to be 'sure' that she will be satisfied with you on a physical basis...and that bothers you, maybe you should consider the fact that you just might not be compatible. <at least in the bedroom>. I think she is right to voice her concerns and if you two are contemplating marriage, you need to learn to listen to her and not just take offense.
Now on the more practical side, there are all kinds of books available to help a person get more in tune with themselves sexually - and lots of 'how to' books available also. And this is even more practical, but I am not sure of the name of the company....because I wasn't really paying too much attention. But there is a clinic in the Orlando Florida area that deals with 'erectile' concerns. One guy (and he was not joking) on the radio was telling how he went to this clinic and they used something on his penis and he maintained an erection for about 2 hours. I am sure there are clinics like that all over the country. You might want to call your doctor and inquire about this kind of clinic. Don't be ashamed to ask for 'help'. Good heavens - what do you think Viagra is for? (not implying that is what you need...don't misunderstand me). Just, YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE. Good luck. CLK-K

DARN IT. How did it post twice. sorry

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by denver:
<strong>My girlfriend has expressed "concern" with my ability to maintain erection long enough. I told
her it is due to lack of practice and a desire to wait
until marriage to resume sex.Ido not want our bond to be just about sex.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Denver, this is the second time you've posted, the first time you posted ( http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=010685 ), you said basically the same thing, but that your reason for not having sex with her was due to you finding religion, and your religious beliefs don't allow you to have premarital sex.

It seemed to me then, as it does now, that you have a problem, seem to be aware of it, but want to find a way to excuse yourself from having sex with this woman.

I think you need to be honest with her. She has told you that sex ranks high on her Emotional Needs list. If your only response to that is to find ways to avoid having sex with her, you should be up front with her, and tell her you don't want to have sex with her. Trying to avoid sex until marriage (I assume you're putting things off until marriage so that it will be difficult for her to break off your relationship) is being dishonest. Let HER decide for herself. Tell her who you are, and what you feel. Being dishonest isn't going to accomplish anything but trouble.

If you want to wait till marriage..and she doesn't..then end the relationship..if she can not accept this...then she probably isn't the girl you really should marry...even if you do love her..

If your beliefs are such that sex should wait till marriage, and her's aren't..it could cause problems further down the road..personally I think the fact that you respect not only yourself..but her to wait..is commendable..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong>If your beliefs are such that sex should wait till marriage, and her's aren't..it could cause problems further down the road..personally I think the fact that you respect not only yourself..but her to wait..is commendable..</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thorned, you should take a look at his other thread. It's not like these two haven't had sex before. He's coming up with excuses why they shouldn't have sex -- the fact that he's got two threads, and on both, he has different reasons as to why he doesn't want sex until after marriage shows this. In his first post, he also admits, it was only after his gf told him she was not happy with his performance, did he start to insist no more sex until marriage.

I will agree that their marriage doesn't sound very good at this point. But I think it's nothing that can't be worked out.