Well, I sure think I am far, far away from H "getting it". Right now its cake and eat it too, honeymoon stage with OW, and stopping by for a "quality" hour with his kids each night.
We are friendly, but today I filled out papers per my attorney's advice, and maybe he will not be so friendly after he is served.

H took a few more personal items, artwork etc. tonite and only stayed 30 minutes. OK, its only been a week since I told the kids, 72 hours since he came home to deal with this. The kids still seem happy, 10 year old is always happy to spend time with daddy since he travels so much. 14 year old seems unaffected too. Business as ususal because H is gone so much with his travel.

But he is going home to OW tonite. Dull pain.
At least its not acute pain, but pain none the less. Tommorrow I file papers and get this show on the road. I think H will have a rude awakening when he realizes the bottom line financially. I am not out to do him under, but he doesn't seem to "get it" as far as what is normal for maitenance. He makes 4 times what I do, and is telling me how I can save $ by switching to a cheaper internet service etc. He just doesn't realize that when H deserts his wife and kids, he needs to maintain some stability by enabling us financially to stay in this house.

Oh my - too much practicality. I miss him terribly, regardless of what a jerk he is. This is crazy, isn't it?

It is crazy - and typical.

And it is still way too soon for you to start seeing the effect it will have on the kids.
Ok, so try to remind yourself that you know what to expect in all this, and he is just following the script.
Remember the other day you posted that the kids were ok, he didn't seem to "suffering" any of the effects of his poor choices.
And then you posted this:
he changed it to 1pm, and then called daughter to say he was running late and it would be closer to 2pm.
Little by little, this is the stuff you will see. It has only been a week since you told the kids. Not very long. And yet, all ready his time spent with them dwindled down to 30 minutes.
I am glad you are filing the paper work - and establishing the financial guidelines. Good for you. You are taking care of yourself and the kids. Yes, he will start to get upset by this. That will be the next stage you will go through. As he starts to see the reality of the situation, he will start to lash out. You know this. But he doesn't. You know what to expect. he doesn't. So you can be calm and cool when he calls you up, mad, yelling about the paper work, and how much it will cost him. Get your responses ready. "I am just trying to take care of myself and our children. After all, I need to have a life as well. I would prefer to be married to you, but you have told me that is not possible, so I need to make a life for myself and our children. "
Remember something else. When things do get tense he will not be a lot of fun for ANYONE to live with. Not for you - or for OW. We always assume that our WS gets pissed at us, lashes out, and then runs to OW to hear "Oh, you poor baby". That doesn't really last very long. OW is selfish - and gets tired of HIM being the poor baby, when SHE wants to be the poor baby. She only wants the fun and games part of him - not those parts of him that make him abundantly human.
My ex brother-in-law said something once that has really proven to be profound. He said "I don't know why your WH left you for OW - ultimately it will turn out that she is just a woman after all, and then he will just have to work at that relationship too."
At the time I thought "what in the heck is that supposed to mean?"
Now I know.
Ultiamtely, we are all just human. We ALL have good and bad. Period. You do - your WH does - and so does this OW. I would even venture to say she has more bad - look what she has done. We all know that she is selfish - her desires are more important than anything else in the world.
You WH right now thinks she is some sort of super woman - different from any other. But there is no such thing. Eventually she will get tired of his crap, and then what?
Meanwhile, you are taking care of yourself, and your kids, and your home.
Wish I could be there to bake you a cake, pour you a glass of wine, give you a hug, and help you make fun of the OW! So, since I can't be there - please start doing these things for yourself.

ok, one more thing:

But he is going home to OW tonite.

Yeah....so he can fart in his sleep, roll over and take all the covers, watch sports on tv when she was hoping to watch a cooking show...etc.

Sorry to be so graphic, but lets face facts here!

Unfortunately, OW is not the "cooking show" type, in fact one of her accusations of me was being the Martha Stewart type, when it was still fashionable. She is the wild & crazy, lets go out, I'll flirt with everyone to make you jealous but horny, then we will come home and I will give you a lap dance, and we will make crazy love while you gaze at my ice cream cone tattoo just below my bikini line.

Lets call a spade a spade here. She is the young hot thing he has always wanted, and she will play this out for sometime, believe me. She has what she wants now, the H she stole from his wife and kids, the big money maker, for this alone she will try and please him big time. Convince him that it was all worth it because at last the soul mates have come home to roost - together at last.

Well, papers signed today, filed tomorrow. He will not like the reality of this, and I am sure, will turn to her to for support and reinforcement about how his wife and the legal system will screw him over and out of his early retirement (at age 40).

Big time vent - will post more as this progresses, and thanks for the support to all.

My son kept asking me if his daddy had a girlfriend. I kept ignoring the question and telling him not to worry about everything....finally one day he asked me and I told him the truth. I will not lie to my on about anything....his dad does that to him and he deserves better. i did tell him in a way that an 8 year old can understand. I told him that his dad loves him no matter what and will always love him and be his dad.
I can tell that he isn't happy about what his dad has done but I do feel better that i told him the truth. They will thank us for that one day.
Be honest with your childrren in a way that is appropriate for their age.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is the wild & crazy, lets go out, I'll flirt with everyone to make you jealous but horny, then we will come home and I will give you a lap dance, and we will make crazy love while you gaze at my ice cream cone tattoo just below my bikini line.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, your OW and my OW must be related! Or friends at least?!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> My step-MIL commented last night during our conversation, about how STBXH's OW came dressed to the family reunion--her first real introduction to his entire family. Never without the skimpy tops and navel ring in her slender but flabby-from-having-three-kids tummy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> One other thing I will predict - even when WH is with the kids, OW will call on his cell, and send him text messages. There will be a million litte reasons why she just has to call or message him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I also predict this will be true. My STBXH actually doesn't spend time with his teen-age daughter by himself at all. And she's now very angry and refusing to see them because wants to spend time with "just him" and OW always has to be in the picture. OW had the gall to tell me, "your daughter will have to accept the fact that STBXH and I are together--we are a couple--and that's the way it's going to be." She absolutely hates it when he sees anyone or does anything without her attached to his hip. It's destroying his relationship (what little there was in the beginning) with his daughter, and his college-age son refuses to see him at all because he refuses to set eyes on OW.

So they may think they're winning, but they really do lose in the end.

LL

I'll flirt with everyone to make you jealous

And then she flirts even more, and even more, because she needs the "high" that she gets from all the attention. They go out for drinks one night, he goes into the bathroom, and when he comes back out she is on the bar letting some guy do body shots off her. Your WH starts to realize that she is not only "his girl" but also "anybodies girl".

the H she stole from his wife and kids, the big money maker, for this alone she will try and please him big time.

Yes she will - she will have to do everything she can to please him. For at least 6 months. But gradually she will grow weary of him. She all ready conquered him. Where is the excitement now? He used to have money - but now he has to give most of it to the mother of his children. And besides, when she goes out with the men all flirt with her, which makes her feel good. And now some guy has asked for her phone number, so she gives him her cell number, because what harm is that? As times goes by she realizes that this new guy doesn't have all the same baggae that your WH has - plus this new guy makes her feel young and alive again, and she really wants to conquer him now.

EH -
I am not saying any of this stuff to make you feel better - or to convince you that you should wait for this man to come back. That is not my point at all. It is just that I can see what is going to happen here as sure as I know my own name.
Have you ever listened to a friend tell you a story - perhaps about their spouse - and as you were listening to it you kept thinking "Oh my gosh - it is so obvious to me what is going on here, but she doesn't see it yet" and then, later on, things happen just as you thought they would?
That is where I am at with your current situation.
When my ex was with his OW he would say she was "exactly like him" that I never liked porn - but OW does, that I didn't dress sexy enough, that I only had SF 3 times a week, while she wanted it everyday. It went on and on. And these things, in his mind, were proof that they were soul mates. They liked the same things. Heck, when he first left I went through months of feeling like a complete failure because I didn't flirt enough, look sexy enough, I didn't like porn, you name it. I even (this is really sick) I even thought that God would be mad at me becuase I did not do enough to pelase my H and now my kdis did not have their dad around. It was all my fault. Of course I know better now and you will too.

Now that they have broken up - and it has been months since they have been together, he shares some of the real stories. Like the body shot story above. They went to the beach, were at a bar, he left the room, came back and she was letting 2 guys take body shots off her. Later she said it was all "just for fun". Another time she was pranicng around a bar, shaking her you-know-whats and guys were buying her drinks. My WxH sat in the back of the room watching this whole thing. These guys had no idea she was with him. Later he told her that she was way out of line. She said "they were just friendly" he said "they were hoping to get lucky" she just giggled.

About a month after that she told him that she needed her space. About a month later she had replaced him with someone younger, with less baggage.

Think about what sort of person (I hate to even call her a woman - it insults the rest of us) wht sort of woman pursues a married man, knowing that he will ahve to abandon his wife and children. What sort of person felt like she needed to "win him". She is the type of person that needs people to flirt with her - make her feel pretty - pump her up. She needs to feel like she won the prize. But winning one price is not going to be enough sustain her for the ret of her life. No way. She will need a new prize, and then another.
I am very sad for yourWH. He is headed down an ugly path.

On the other hand, you are taking charge of your life again. You are going to get a little bit stronger every day, while he gets a little weaker.

Hang in there. Keep posting. The next couple of months will be hard for you, but you can look forward to a brighter future. He can not. He can look forward to a great big pile of crap.

WOF5 & Everhopeful,

My apologies in jumping on someone else's thread, but I couldn't help myself here. These OW are all the same!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Another time she was pranicng around a bar, shaking her you-know-whats and guys were buying her drinks. My WxH sat in the back of the room watching this whole thing. These guys had no idea she was with him. Later he told her that she was way out of line. She said "they were just friendly" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Fairly early on in my STBXH's relationship with OW (before he actually shacked up with her), she and her girlfriend were at a club and STBX stopped to see her. She and girlfriend were up on the dancefloor in miniskirts and thongs, doing a little girlie-girlie dance for the guys around the bar. At one point, some guy was giving her girlfriend (who is married, but whose H wasn't there) a big kiss. When STBX asked OW about it, she said, "Oh we know him. He's just a friend."

It really bugged my WH for a while, but he has since become numb to everything. OW seems to have settled some of her wild ways a bit or includes WH in them, but how long can that last?

Same story, I believe. She's a younger woman (26) who has conquered an older man (39) who at this moment still has some $, and will have more when we DV because he can take immediate payout if he'd like from his half of my retirement that he's getting.

But when they blow through all that money, and he continues to age (40 is just around the corner), how long before she tires of it and goes looking for another man??

And there will be our ex's saying, "What the heck happened??!?"

LL

Well its Friday night and H & OW are out on the town - I know because I wanted to go for a drink with a friend, and point blank asked him if he would be in the same area, so I wouldn't have to run into them. The whole OW, making him jealous thing, she is also totally jealous and possessive of him and other women, even me! And then, maybe he even likes it when she flirts up a storm, just gets him hot to go home with her and .... I'm telling you, when its not the flirtation to tentalate the boyfriend, its the undying love - you know I tried to kill myself over losing your story. She has a lot of tricks up her sleeve, and H is all over it - likes the drama, likes the anger, likes the passion that takes over when all is done. Whatever.

Speaking of telling the children about OW, I blurted it out tonite. See my other post.

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Everhopeful ]</small>