I don't know that anyone has answers, but I've got questions. Every day I ask myself, how long shall I let this go on? There are days that all seems "normal" - like nothing has changed. And then other days when H says some little thing to remind me we are going to get a D. I feel like I'm in Las Vegas where you never know what time of day or night it is, and there are bells ringing and lights flashing all the time. It's totally surreal.

Though I go back and forth many times a day, I really think the bottom line for me is I want our M to work, and am willing to do probably more than I should to make that happen. He has not said anything further (one way or the other) about reconsidering his decision to D. But neither has he taken any action that would move us toward that goal that I can tell anyway.

I however made a phone call today about a rental property. All the while telling myself I was just doing research because I wasn't really going to move out, and then looking for something that would be wrong with the place. I think I'm feeling like I need to make a preemptive strike rather than be blindsided - why is it that these are the only two options I can see?

What have you all experienced? When the other person is acting so complacent, does that mean he does not really want to do it? Is he looking for assurances from me that I want him to stay? How should I interpret it all - I'm just not sure how long I can stand this limbo. I wonder if it is better to end limbo rather than endure this pain even if I thought it would pay off in the end.

Am I CRAZY? Or does anyone else have these thoughts too? As I reread this post, I think I'm not making any sense at all. I am LOST LOST LOST.

I do not post often but here is my 2c. Take it with a grain of salt as others will voice their own opinion.

The bottom line....it takes 2 people to make a M work...sure, one can change themselves to try to influence the other and I have read some success stories on this site by these actions..but I can only tell you what I went through...and I made many changes to better myself and to try and influence my WS but I finally decided to leave "limbo land" and end the M as she would not end it as she was the classic cake eating, lying, selfish SOB...definitely not the same person I married 10 years ago. My WS would not attend MC or look at herself or show hardly any remorse for her behavior or let alone try and change herself which showed how little she really cared for me or the M. She asked me 4 days before we filed if I want a D, I responded no, but you are not going to change so there is nothing else to do.

The hope I had was maybe I can wake her up somehow with my changes but she never ended the R with the OM and that kept us emotionally disconnected. I had enough of the lying and ended it.

Now, some people can deal with this for many months or years but not me, time is moving on and I don't want to waste any more. You probably feel the same.

I have to admit, since we filed 3 months ago, there have been peeps and squeeks from her trying to poke my hard shell....but no more BS, I need to move on with my Life. She had her chance and maybe she sees now what she has lost but I doubt it.

I do not know your story or if there was infidelity involved..but if you are not 100% ready then do not do it...look inwardly, gather your strength and support system of family and friends, and keep busy...you will know when it's time.

I read somewhere that when a R ends its better for you to end it than the other since there really is only one parachute to use...and you will feel better knowing you took the last chute from the crashing plane.

Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nature:
<strong> I do not know your story or if there was infidelity involved..but if you are not 100% ready then do not do it...look inwardly, gather your strength and support system of family and friends, and keep busy...you will know when it's time.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No infidelity. As I read everyone's posts, I'm thinking it might be easier to let go if there was something like this that was more tangible.

I am not 100% sure, but have worked my way up to about 90%, and now just need to convince myself to actually do the hard part.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I read somewhere that when a R ends its better for you to end it than the other since there really is only one parachute to use...and you will feel better knowing you took the last chute from the crashing plane. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And this, for me, is the hard part. If I end it, I have to decide what to do for myself (where to go, when to go, how to do it, etc.)

My X can have the parachute. I'm going to fix my plane and keep it flying. With or without her.
;-)

David A