I am very ready to be divorced it is just really hard. My H has continued an EA since Jan while I was pregnant. My son is now 8 weeks old. I am so happy with my life but for some reason am really sad. I just hurt for my son knowing he will never have his dad like he should. I am dreading the actual date.

Any advice for the actual day?

I was in a similar situation as you - ready for the marriage to be over but still somewhat sad. After all, when you think about how the marriage started out with all the fanfare and celebration, it is very different how it ends: with a quick appearance before a judge (assuming dissolution).

We stood there together in front of the judge just like we had stood together in the church 14 years earlier. Only this time, there was an enormous distance between us.

Go in with your head held high. Think of it as no more than a process that just terminates the legal union. The spritual union was terminated long ago I suspect.

Walk out into the sunshine and enjoy the rest of your life.

Dear Durham,

I have followed your story for quite a while. I have tried to ask you questions and raise issues and provide references that I personlaly have found helpful.

One reference was Stop Divorce, or something like that. If you are having second thoughts, there are actions you could take. I am not suggesting your decision to aquiesse, instead of Stand is wrong, just that you can change to Standing now, if you so desire.

Certainly Into The Black has a good point to hold your head up high.

The reason you are asking about the day in Court is because you probably relaize that you may well break down in tears in court. If you have to go to court, you should probably have some people there, to let you have a good cry on their shoulders. You should probably have sufficient numbers of supporters there for you to freely sob through the whole process if you want to.

I cried when I broke up wtih a young lady after a year or so.

You may be able to ask your attorney to double notarize a Waiver of Appearance, so you don't have to personally be present in court for the divorce.

The last I read from you, H seemed pretty well settled wtih OW, but was willing to drop OW, if you wanted to work to get into recovery. My recollection was that Recovery was not a process that you were then willing to allow sufficient time to work through some difficult feelings to bring the Love back.

Glad your son is doing well.

At the same time that you were in Plan B, I was posting to m01069, who dropped out of Plan B, and was able to struggle through her emotions of not feeling loved by her husband, and got her marriage fairly well back together. If you are intersted in a struggle similar to what would face you, you might read her posts and disappointments, but steady progress.

You can instruct your attorney to seek a postponemnte.

Even if the divorce is finalized on the
Court Date, your attorney has a few days to file a motion to set aside the divorce, which is difficult to do usually, but not impossible.

Blessings

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>