I have been posting in the "Early years" forum since my wife and I got separated a couple of weeks ago. My worst fears came true tonight when I found out that she had a one night fling on Friday night with a guy she went to HS with. She was staying with her best and her husband this weekend. She went out on Friday and to his place for an "After-bar" that he was having. One thing led to another... This led us to have a discussion about what she really wanted. Did she want to work at this or not? She told me that she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think that she can get it back. I can't get the image of another man having sex with my wife out of my head. It's horrible. I feel so mad, sad, hurt and rejected right now. This is awful and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Well my wife and I have come to an agreement today. She and I are going to still live together but have completely segregated all our clothes, bathrooms,etc. We figured this time can be used as a period of "adjustment" so we're just not completely cutting ourselves off from one another. We're basically going to be roommates until the time comes for her to move out (she's in school and can't afford a house payment). Hopefully this will help us both. I'm still pretty bummed about it though. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I can relate. We too are living together (on the edge) but don't know for how long. Trying to get things worked out so we can separate without losing everything. (He's the one who wants the D).

From feedback I've gotten on this list, I suspect this may prolong my denial. It might also promote healing... who knows? But I no longer know which I want to happen. Whatever will be will be. It is a roller coaster ride, for sure. My thoughts are with you as I DO know what it is like.

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Her mother is the one that convinced to stay and not just cut each other out our lives immediately. However, my wife seems to be pretty resigned to us getting a divorce. I on the other hand still think that over the course of the next few months or so, her mind just might change. It feels like when we first started dating and I was trying to "win" her over (making the love bank deposits). I'm not going to give this up without fighting for our marriage (even though she cheated on me). Maybe I'm being naive, but I still have hope that our relationship can be re-built from the ruins that it is in right now. Anyone have an opinion on this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by badgerfan:
<strong> I'm not going to give this up without fighting for our marriage (even though she cheated on me). Maybe I'm being naive, but I still have hope that our relationship can be re-built from the ruins that it is in right now. Anyone have an opinion on this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think you should go for it. If you don't, you'll never know and may always regret it. If it works, good for you. If not, what have you lost? Nothing. You will have gained courage, strength, wisdom and other things in the process.

I went that route a year ago. It wasn't enough for my H, but he and I are not you and your W. Your results may vary. I am glad I tried - and equally sure now after going down that path once, that I'm not going to fight it again. This time it will have to come from him, or the commitment won't be there. I had hoped that my effort would yield enough equal effort from him, but it was not to be. Still, my message to you is this: IT WAS STILL WORTH TRYING. If I could roll back the clock a year, I WOULD STILL DO IT AGAIN (but maybe try to find a better MC this time around!)

Thanks for the input Deja. I've trying to have good conversation with my wife when I see her (asking her how her day was, etc.) and doing some of the little things that husbands do (i.e. tonight I helped hook up the VCR so she could watch a video for a class of hers). Would this be trying to draw her back from the withdrawal stage? I have to contain my anger about the cheating just about everytime I see her, but I know castigating her for it won't do either of us any good. What's really tough right now is that I keep being paranoid about waht she's doing when she's alone. Is she trying to find his number? Is she thinking about him? Etc. Is this normal??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by badgerfan:
<strong> Thanks for the input Deja. I've trying to have good conversation with my wife when I see her (asking her how her day was, etc.) and doing some of the little things that husbands do (i.e. tonight I helped hook up the VCR so she could watch a video for a class of hers). Would this be trying to draw her back from the withdrawal stage? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It would not be for me. Because my H has done all these things even while planning to ask for a D. And still does, even while working out details for the ending of our M. In my case, I cannot interpret these things as anything more than him trying to ease his guilt or make things less stressful around here.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't do them. I think you should! But don't assume they'll be interpreted as you are hoping.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I have to contain my anger about the cheating just about everytime I see her, but I know castigating her for it won't do either of us any good. What's really tough right now is that I keep being paranoid about waht she's doing when she's alone. Is she trying to find his number? Is she thinking about him? Etc. Is this normal??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sure it is. I'm having these thoughts about my H and my best friend because he has mentioned that he thinks highly of her and I irrationally jumped to the conclusion that means he's going to hit on her. It is totally irrational. When we are facing the loss of love, that is a real threat to us - and it is hard to separate one "threat" from another under the circumstances (just my opinion.)