I'm posting here. Because, well, it seems the right place to be. I'm not really in the thick of the fire fight the way most folks in GQII are these days. I'm just quietly moving along. There are days with rants and animosity. There are many more days of utter silence between us.

It's not Plan A -- hasn't been for more than a year. It's not Plan B. That, too, imperfect though it was, is a long time in the past.

The custody stuff is done.

The financial stuff is moving. Slowly, but moving.

WP says that if it weren't for DD, she'd never want to see me again.

I feel, about half the time, no feelings toward her at all. I wish her well, as one human to another. Occasionally I make an overture of some family time -- have dinner with us on a busy night when you don't have time to cook. Go over to the park with me and DD. She's vehemently opposed to it. And all in all, that's fine with me. My life is pretty darned good without her.

So... I'm beginning to make plans. My "divorce" will be final at the end of year. At that point, I will be free to marry another.

I hope that the financial stuff will also be finished then.

At that point, my entanglements with WP will be over, and I'll feel quite happy about moving on and finding someone new. I'm looking forward to it.

I really want to have a family of many children, a spouse who adores me, a home life that's full of life and energy and cheerfulness.

I've gotten a good way towards that already -- and soon it'll be time to take more steps toward it.

So... I guess this one place to post about that. So I am.

justj,
I'm sorry to see you here in this forum. I hope your future holds what you wish for. I appreciate all the help you have been to me. You have mail.

Just J
I know exactly how you feel. My life is better now than it has in 21 years. I don't miss my stbx and find myself dreading the thought that he'll call again with the "I love you" "Are you ok" "Call me if you need anything" lines I get which are nothing more than a hope that he can get his foot in the door and back home. I would rather jump off the Golden Gate bridge than even have one word spoken between us. His attorney has assured my attorney that he will not come onto our property. I've told him twice not to call here..if he does again, my attorney will get involved. He tries to use our daughter too, but she doesn't want him anywhere near her either.

He filed the divorce to "scare" me but instead it has thrilled me to no end. I'm free. No more lies. No more alcoholism. No more verbal abuse. Hooray! I've heard nothing about any settlement. I know he's hoping to wait me out. Pigs flying over still would not be long enough. I'm through... I'm thrilled... I'm free...

I recently took a job in collections. I told my daughter today that God prepares us for the changes in our lives and living for 21 years with a pathological liar has made me perfect for collections. Lies mean nothing to me. They don't bother me, shock me, or sway me in any way.

Romans 8:28 is a verse that has sustained me in times where most people would have been hospitalized if they had to endure. I wondered for years what God was planning. Freedom is so sweet when it comes at the end of imprisonment. I know I can endure anything because of Him.

It's comforting to know when it's time to be over. While I will never fondly remember all these years, they had to be endured to know that I did all that I could. I can walk away with no regret.

There's always a lesson to be learned and a price to pay. His careless regard of his family cost him what is truly precious in this life. I know he now realizes that but far too late.

I too want a big family, a loving spouse, and a wonderful home life, but at my age, all I can do is wish that for my daughter. God has His plans and I trust Him to reveal them to me. The past is the past and the future is exciting.

Just saying "Hi." I'm Anne (obviously) at the other place.

Wow, it must've been in the air and I was only subconsciously aware of it....

OM and WP are engaged. WP called me last night and told me. I was, for the first few minutes, shocked and upset.

And then after I got off the phone, I cried.

And then this sense of incredibly wonderful freedom came over me. Never again. No more. I am truly done and it is over.

I've done all I could to save my marriage. I've healed and recovered my own health and wellbeing. I've kept my own integrity and ethics as well as I could. I haven't been perfect... but I've done pretty damned well.

And now -- I'm free.

Thank God Almighty, I am free at last.

Just J
You have a great attitude. I hope I can get to that point someday. It's hard to even imagine right now though.

brokenhearted, it's a place we all get to -- and none of us want to.

The relief and freedom that I feel is directly in proportion to how bad things have been. And I pay a price even for the freedom -- freedom is scary and anxious. Freedom is not secure and safe and known. And freedom, in this case, comes at the price of a terrible loss.

There is relief, and a release of sorts, in coming to this place. But it's not a place of joyfulness. It's a place, at its core, of profound sadness.

It's like the long-expected death of a loved one. Yes, it's a relief. Much of the grieving came before, much of the heartache. It's still wrenching.

What a roller coaster this stuff is. And I'm so glad to be stepping off of it, even though I know that there is one more terribly painful day to come -- the day of OM and WP's wedding. I've got six months or so to prepare for it, but I've been through the wedding of someone I loved once before, and it's never easy. With a daughter who binds us together for the rest of our lives, it will be even harder.

Ah, what a life. I was a poop on Monday when my ex brought OM with her to pick up DD. He stayed in the car, but I froze and could not hand her over. Much unpleasantness ensued, including threats regarding our co-parenting agreement and ranting about the adoption.

I'm back to the infidelity diet for a few days, looks like.