Many of you don't know my story, and I really don't want to write a whole lot about it and open up new wounds. I've been separated from my H now for 1.5 years. I moved out when I knew I'd either phyisically hurt him or myself or go insane. I'd worked with Steve Harley for almost 2 years before that. In my case, I'm pretty sure there was no infidelity in recent years. I'm not so sure about years further back when I found red marks on the underwear and when one night he got up at 2:00 am to read and sleep on the sofa before he left for a biz trip at 5:00 am. It was the first and last time, he ever put the cushions back into place. All that was prior to my finding him looking for escort services in two cities he would be visiting shortly on biz.

So, here we are now.
I had an interesting phone call last night.

Last night my speech class took break later than usual, and by break I was starting to feel a little nauseous and a lot headachy. I was also becoming sensitive to sound. A migraine was coming on.

I went back to class and looked at overhead slides of black faces turning to knocked-out white vases, old women shifting to young women. Not great for a migraine. So I wrote a note and left.

I called the children to say goodnight on my way home. Bill asked if I had gotten out earlier, and I explained about the migraine. By 9:15, I've taken two Alieve and am in bed. I avoid taking anything stronger unless I absolutely have to. If I catch early, Alieve works well enough. At 9:42, my cell rings. It's Bill. "Hi, Honey, how are you?" I say, "Hunh?" Bill says, "Are you all right?"

Now, I know you are thinking isn't that sweet? And you are right, it was sweet. Bill was talking in a tone of voice and with a consideration I hadn't heard in 8 years. It was very sweet. Too bad it wasn't meant for me.

Bill says, "Oh, Annie. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Go back to sleep." I say okay even though I'm reading a little and not sleeping yet.

I'm now thinking he's seeing someone else. My only concern is how long it's been going on. As recently as Wednesday, Bill asked me if I were still convinced there was no point in staying together. Just in July he lamented that he'd not been out to dinner with a woman since me.

I know it is wrong, but I don't mind people fibbing to me. What I hate are the people who lie about big things so that they can have their own rulebook, and who lie so well I don't know they're lying.

When I found out Bill had been searching through escort services in Atlanta and Charlotte some two weeks prior to visiting those cities, and he said he'd only looked once, I would have believed him if I hadn't gone through the history. He was so indignant that I would suspect it was more than idle curiosity. After all, when other men went to gentlemen's clubs, he had no interest in going. He walked into a hole there, because I also saw that he'd been on mapquest for a map of the addresses of two gentlemen’s clubs.

I'm afraid he may have been cheating on my all along. If that's the case, he wants me to go to marriage counseling in order to fix me so we can go back to the way we were before. Probably back to when he left the house at 2 am and lied about it.

Now, if it's just a recently development, well, I'm kind of relieved. There are one or two other explanations. He could have been calling his sister if she were very ill, or if her daughter's heart condition hadn't improved. Or some other traumatic event.


Should I confront him about the call?

I knew I should have called you back earlier.

There's no point in confronting him. It will make no difference. He wants to be a cakeman, have the M and his own life with no responsibility. You've done enough work to know that this doesnt' work for you.
And the addition of other sexual conquests would only put your life and your family in jeopardy.

So, do what is best for Anne. My X lies all the time. Says he doesn't have a girlfriend, when the kids tell me about the sleepovers. And she's an ex-model. Too bad I don't know her last name so I could google it for curiosity.

No worries, I didn't get the call until hours after I'd called you. I was just checking in.

In some ways, I'm relieved. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

So hows the Migraine. Hope you're feeling better

I see no sense in confronting him about it. What would that do for you?

Odds are he has already made up a story to cover himself just in case you do say something.

You don't need to worry about what is happening with him now. You don't need to worry about what he has done in the past anymore.

All you need to be concerned with is where YOU are going from now on into YOUR future.

Yesterday is gone. Tommorrow is forever yet to come.

WIWH

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

of course there is

there has to be. . .

its the narcissistic search for supply. . .

the best approach is to finalize the divorce


wiftty