Hey all,
I am new to the board and am here to try and save my marriage. We are not seperated, and as far as I know, no divorce papers are in the works.
From my read of the many posts I have read, I should try and give some background:
Met: 1989
Married: 1992
Kids: D age 10, B age 6
The last couple years have been lonely for both of us. We were both raised in a decent sized city, but quickly outgrew the possibilities that were offered there.
In 1997 we decided to follow the 'american dream'.. Little did we realize it might kill our relationship.
The first year after our move had me on the road 5 days a week. She was a professional, so she worked long hours too, had to pick up the kids from daycare, and had to find new friends since we were so far from home.
The next three years had me working in a different city (180 miles away) since I started a new company and I felt it was best at the time to not disrupt the lives the kids and my wife had now established at their new schools and work. I would spend 4 days a week in the other city then return one day a week and the weekends. Since I was neither here nor there, I grew farther apart from the family, but yet didn't make any new close friends at work.
This year was yet another change with us deciding the new business I was about to start was going to be in a different city that either of us was in. Sounds pretty damn stupid when its written down.
Now the business still hasn't gotten its feet under it, my wife is either in an EA or is totally withdrawn, and heres the most revealing of the two emails between us in the last week:
My Email (the journey I speak of is trying to start the new ventures to a point I could ease up):
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so.. I didn't pay enough attention to the kids (see the lack of me in the pics of them), I didn't pay enough attention to you (treated you more like an employee than wife and best friend), I didn't pay enough attention to friends (see my phone never ring), I didn't pay enough attention to the family (see me taking the laptop everywhere)..
I honestly thought the somewhat lonely journey would only take 2-3 years and that everyone would understand and be there when I was done. so.. now I am lost.. I don't have stable relationships with my business associates, my kids, my best friend, my wife, any close friends, or my family..
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(her response was simply: 'I cried when I read it')
Two days later I received the following from Her:
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I can't do it anymore. I have made my decision and it made weeks ago. I do want a divorce and just want to be alone with the kids for awhile. I can't make it alone here and don't like here anyway. I realized last night that I could tolerate it when we barely co-existed side by side but not together. I don't want you to touch me, or kiss me, or even have sex with you. I am so sorry about dragging this out and should have been more honest from the beginning. I would still like to go to [city we use to live] tomorrow and chill out. I will talk to you when I get home. I'm sorry that I am not strong enough to stick it out with you.
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I admit I am the "lightbulb turned on, lets show the emotional side" which is probably overwhelming, upsetting, and confusing my wife.
As you can see from above, my fear is that when I show emotion its triggering something within her.
I have no real clue how to proceed and can only see landmines all around. Go too slow, boom, go to fast, boom..
Thanks for letting me vent.
