Top 15 Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Wife

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "I finished the Oreos."

12. "Darned if you aren't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."

9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your own ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy-looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawny."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

funny!

I'm either too fat to find those funny, or I'm too shaken up by a bizarre phone call I got, or both.

Can we come up with some dumb blonde jokes?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> I'm either too fat to find those funny, or I'm too shaken up by a bizarre phone call I got, or both.

Can we come up with some dumb blonde jokes? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, my jokes are too complicated for dumb blonds, LOL

Well GG, though I found the preggo list too funny, per your request I will erase all chances that I will ever have a blonde GF by granting your request.......

Disclaimer: To all you nice blonde girls, if you don't like these jokes please contact GreenGables...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?

The sign said ''Wet Floor.'' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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What did Santa say to the three blondes on the corner?

"Ho. Ho. Ho." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
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Why do some blondes only think about sex?

Because they're dirty blondes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers license back?

Because she got an ''F'' in Sex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Don’t Step Out of the Car

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.

The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.

He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"

She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Good Girls vs Bad Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Good girls say, ''Don't... Stop...'' Bad girls say, ''Don't Stop...''

Thanks for the laughs. I have been a blonde most of my life and it never bothers me to hear blond jokes...I think they are funny. I don't take it as a personal insult or anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Delete. double post

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

Thank you so much LH!

I laughed out loud. And I just loved the Good girls/Bad girls test. Maybe you should add a scoring system so I can figure out if I'm mostly good or bad. For instance, you get 10 bad points if you wax your floor weaing a thong bikini to show of your Brazilian bikini wax to the repair man.

Or how about giving points if the only items you purchase on credit, preferrably someone else's, are bras and knickers?

How about points if you wax the floors in high heels?


And dare I point out that some girls who wear high heels to bed are working at the time?

A Blind Man

A blind man enters a "Ladies Bar" by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair (given that you are blind)that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously,! Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares, "Nah....Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> For instance, you get 10 bad points if you wax your floor weaing a thong bikini to show of your Brazilian bikini wax to the repair man.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well in my point system, to score a 10, it would probably have to be closer to the “bad girl” wearing a thong, high heals, and the pearl necklase to show off to ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> …… Ohhhhhh and yes bonus points are awarded for certain types of waxes….. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Those are some good blonde jokes but

Java
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, my jokes are too complicated for dumb blonds, LOL </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the best one I've heard in a while

ROTFFLMAO

WIWH