More of a rambling vent of emotions than anything else here...

Today is my birthday. It's the first birthday I've spent away from STBXH since I started dating him when I was 15.

It's also been exactly one year since I found out the seriousness of his relationship with OW. We went on a short vacation to DisneyWorld for my 38th birthday and that's where he told me of their interest in each other.

Strange as it seems to me, STBXH has left me several text messages regarding my birthday, wishing me a happy one, telling me he wanted to get me a card but doesn't have much time by himself (his problem, by the way--I refrained from texting back my thoughts on that one) and then just recently, asking me if I had a good bday.

This is why I have the questions about the DV sometimes. If he just acted 100% of the time like he hated me and didn't throw in these nice little "moments", it'd be a whole lot easier.

On a happier note, my daughter who is a complete rebel, who I've had loads of problems with over the last several years, has been much more loving to me since STBXH moved out and things settled down. She and her boyfriend went out to dinner with me last night, she took the time to put together a little gift for me, and she even did her best to spend most of her weekend around home (a rarity for her!) because she wanted to be with me. It was a very nice feeling!

So, some good, some sort of sad. But I made it through. Tomorrow is the start of a new year for me.

LL

(((((((((((((LordsLady)))))))))))))))

Well to me is sounds like it was filled with a lot more sweetness then bitterness. Your daughter gave you a great gift, love and the my dear is priceless.

Happy Belated Birthday........

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Happy belated Birthday. This year will be better than the last. And guess what? I'm about the same age, 37.5, and we're heading for our 40's. Today, the 40's are the 30's of yester year. That means we're in for a lot of really nice times. Confidence, self-empowerment, knowing what we want and how to get it, children grown or growing more independent.

Starting around when I truned 33, I'd swear each birthday that I wouldn't be in the same place as the year before. The first year, I didn't make it. Home life, marriage, was WORSE in spite of all my efforts. I was more and more miserable.

When I turned 35, I did start to make real changes. My taker staged a revolution, but not quite the right one. Finally, after I turned 36, I left my STBX. I left when I only had some vague traces of affection left.

Today at 37, my life is radically different. In spite of a lot of daily stress, I'm happy. I don't dread coming home any more.

LL, I know you've been through a lot. Here's wishing you many sweet returns of the day.

Lordslady,

First...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So now you are almost as old as I am--and I went to high school with Moses and invented fire according to my kids!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Second, I have a kind of "tongue-in-cheek" idea. As you know, you and I (and LetsTry and a few others) were also involved with addicted/abusive men, so we know how hard it can be when you see a brief glimpse of the kind side...the man you married. Yep 98% of the time we are worthless and unimportant, but we LIVE for that glimpse of time when 2% of the time when we are in their favor!

Anyway, I had a little joking, "get it out of your system" idea. Join in if you get the jist of what I'm trying to do here:

Wouldn't it be nice if they were ALWAYS nice, instead of:

"Who the h3ll cares?"
"YOU'RE the one who has problems!"
"SHE doesn't yell at me!"
"You are the angriest person I've ever met!"
"I couldn't make it to the game--tell the kids I'll make it up to them"
"I'm not paying one dime to you!"
"I have expenses!!!"
"You violated my privacy!"

I would be SOOOooo much nicer to hear:

"You are valuable to me."
"That is my issue and I am working my program."
"If I treated her like I treated you, she'd yell too."
"I don't love myself very much."
"I took special timeoff just to show the kids how important they are to me."
"I realize I have an obligation to my own children to ensure their well-being."
"I will take care of my kids before I take care of my interests."
"You are completely free to review anything I say or write."

heehee--devil horns


CJ

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 12:03 AM: Message edited by: FaithfulNewCJ ]</small>

Thanks for the birthday wishes. Yes, CJ, you hit the nail fairly squarely on the head with a lot of the things you mentioned wishing we DIDN'T hear! And it was the good things 2% of the time that kept me going and hoping, and no doubt still would have had it not been for sleazy OW entering the picture.

I survived the birthday. And since that evening, I've not heard from STBXH except for a message he left saying my dentist called his cell (used to be "OUR" cell) and left a message--he was kind enough to pass it along.

-----------------------------------------------
Today was a tough day for other reasons. One of my cats has become very ill over the last month or two. Vet ran tests and thought he had thyroid issues so I've had him on med, but he continued to lose weight. Over the last few days he took a sharp downturn.

He's 10 years old--not that old for a cat, greated--but old enough I don't feel like it makes sense to put him through a bunch more tests. I sort of knew he was dying, but didn't want to have to take him in and have him put down.

Today, my daughter found him in very weak and sad shape in our basement. She was very caring and put him on a cushion on my bedroom floor, covered him up, brought him something to drink, and sat with him until I came him at noon.

I made the tough decision to have him put down this afternoon. I didn't have the mental strength to go in the room with him (so feel a little guilty about that), but did spend some time holding him before I handed him over to the vet.

Admittedly, of my pets, he wasn't my favorite, but he's been a part of the family for 10 years and I have that gnawing in my stomach that comes with loss.

I text'd my STBXH and told him. Thought he should know, too.

LL

Lordslady,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that it hurts you to have your kitty put to sleep, but it sounds like you did the brave thing for your kitty--rather than have him suffer, you did what was best for him even though it hurt you. THAT is love.

Would you like to share a story about your kitty? Maybe when you got him...or how??

One month ago, I also had to put my gramma dog, Spuds, to sleep. She was almost 15yo, so she was definately older, yet for the last years of her life we had a puppy in the house and the puppy added a little fun and spice to her last days. He jumped and licked and played with her, and she watched him in bewilderment that anything could have that much energy! She used to like to go outside and lay in the front yard and watch cars go by and people walking...surveying her kingdom. She loved to lay in the shade of a tree during the summer. She was a good dog, and we had her for 14+ years so she grew up with us and only had one home for her whole life.

On her final night, she had what I think was basically a stroke, and she could not really stand up or move right afterward. She looked wrong and like she was suffering, so we told the vet to go ahead and put her to sleep. My exH and DD came with, and they could not be in the room when they gave her the shot, but I stayed and I told her I was going to cry up a storm but she should go ahead and know that we loved her and would miss her. In a way, it was nice to pet her head as she fell asleep--she wasn't afraid or agitated, just peacefully fell asleep and put her head down in my hands. Yep...sad, but good. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Sooooo...I totally identify with how you feel. I still miss her a lot, but it's also such a comfort to know that she had her whole life with us, and we were there from beginning to end. Literally.

Once again, I'm sorry for your loss, and if ya want to write, tell us about your kitty's antics and goofy cattitude.


CJ

HHHHHAAApppppppy LORDS LADY BBBBBBBIRRRRRTHDAY !


YEAH--- KEWL!!!

Happy Birthday to you EWE on your very special day!!!

First birthday without_____ since you were 15 teen? Agggg. scary--- I dated my x at 15 off&on 4 yrs. Oooooooohhhhh...

I am sending you bouquets of huggs and flowers!


check this wonderful virtual flowers site:

www.iflowers.com

Since I don't have your per email-- I can't send you are proper virtual bouquet, or card.

Poetry is especially important to enjoy the day!!!

Please visit.http://csoaley.com


May God kisses and huggs be sent straight to your heart!!!!

HAPPY FOR YOU!!! SPEND A WEEK CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY!

Melt some chocolate, dip some strawberries in yum yum.

Pick up a good bottle of Champagne-- bubbly----

Buy a rose, or bouquet to place on your pillow& table.

Bring out the nice table cloath, your very finest china, set the candles, put up some great jazz or opera music at high volume!!!

Turn on the fireplace or turn up the heat.

Get out your best nighties or pjsss, with high heels.

Order in chinese food, or something.

Then pour a wonderful hot bath with sizzling bubbles. Relax,relax, relax....

Fall alsleep on clean fresh sheets, hide under the covers!

Prayers, Huggs, all good thoughts your way!!!

Just me, this awesome poetry site link is actually


http://csoakley.com


It's time I get glasses-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Oh yeah-- I just so excited about birthdays...

Missing your man___ one can spray nice mens cologne on your pillows. Doesn't have to be what your guy wore. Something entirely different scent. get a sample in the men's fragrance depart...

New mens bottoms pj's are so much fun to wear too.

Nice touch...

My dogs just climb into my bed-especially my dali on my lowest days. She seems to tune right into me and my shistzu she cuddles in close. I laugh, I laugh, laugh at the little friends.

They say move over honey...