Hello,
I discovered this website a few months ago when I learned that a good friend that I’ve known for 25 years was having marital difficulties. Ironically, this site has been instrumental in giving me the tools to improve MY OWN marriage (which I thought was already very good). But my friend’s marriage has continued to deteriorate, and in spite of them each going to counseling, he filed for divorce last week. They have one child (under 1 year) and have been married about 3 years. Our location is BC in Canada.
The awkward part of this scenario is that my friend’s wife doesn’t have many friends she can talk to and considers my wife and I her best friends. So, I am my friend’s sounding board, and my wife and I are his wife’s only outlet. Also, her English skills are not particularly strong and she is intimidated at the thought of having to involve lawyers. She is very timid. Her primary concern seems to be to get things resolved with as little conflict as possible.
My primary concern is for their baby. We were doing some budget numbers with her based on the numbers from the divorce papers and there’s just not enough money there for her and baby, but she’s too timid/scared/naive to argue for more. I’ve never had to deal with divorce procedures before (thank God), but I imagine they’re like any negotiation right? The lawyer my friend went to would have helped my friend prepare a “low-ball” offer presuming that she would go to her lawyer and come back with an “overly-inflated” offer. From this point things would go back and forth until an ‘agreeable’ settlement was reached (and the lawyers had made sufficient money to justify their interest….).
Anyway, I have a few questions that I’m hoping someone can answer or help a bit with from their own experience.
1) Childcare – In the divorce papers she was served it stated he would provide $X ($400 +-) per month amount for child support and 50% of any childcare expenses.
Q- Where did this number $X come from? – Is there some chart somewhere?
Q- 50% of childcare expenses seems unfair. For example, if he makes $75000 and she make $25000, shouldn’t childcare costs be divided 75% / 25%? (those numbers were just fabricated for the purpose of the example)
2) Joint Custody – He wants the baby on the days he doesn’t work, but works rotating shifts. He’ll know his schedule up to a year in advance but I still see this as being unfair to her (to have to work around his work schedule). Plus, professional childcare/daycare cannot accommodate such scheduling.
Q – How does joint custody typically work when one person works shift work?
3) Asset division – They have a house that they bought before they were married and she made a larger down payment than him (about twice as large). Since then, they’ve married and he’s paid the mortgage payments.
Q – Because the house was purchased pre-marriage, when it’s sold, should she have claim to twice the profit (presuming there’s profit)?
4) Income Knowledge – He handled all the expenses/taxes/account management in the family. She has no idea of exactly how much he made, or where he has the money.
Q- How can she find income information out?
Q – What is the best way for her to present a strong argument that she’ll need additional money to the $X mentioned above for expenses beyond childcare expenses (i.e. her own rent/utilities/…)?
5) Where to get started – most important. My friend’s wife is very timid, and gets very stressed and emotional at the THOUGHT of conflict in a courtroom. She needs to get everything into order before she steps into court or she’ll simply cave to whatever proposal is on the table at that time.
Q – Where can I point my friend’s wife so she can get started on resolving the above issues in a comfortable environment?
Thanks in advance for any advice, thoughts, or words of experience.
YourShoes
