Well hello - quick recap for those who don't know - the other woman in my situation is my next door neighbor - and yup she still lives there - unfortunately.... we usually don't even look at each other - but lately there have been a few issues...They are still dating - though how much out in public it is - is still very questionable -to my two girls they are just dating and their dad's private life is his matter... To her two sons - she doesn't even acknowledge one way or the other about her personal life if you will.. Anyways - my ex has been over there only 4 times in the two years since we have been divorced - but each time it has been - when my children and their friends have seen him - not her children because well they are not home - when he comes over - Anyways - last time he went over there - some stuff was written on her car with erasable stuff - a not very nice word - anyways - she called the police - but like he said - there is no proof that anyone here wrote it and it just wipes off - no one saw it except her exhusband who let her know about it - Following so far??

Well now what happened was she called me up - freaked out on me about how I was a terrible mother - blah blah - what kind of an example am I setting for my children etc??? Like ok she is one to talk - she and my ex broke up two families - lied, cheated and continue to lie -anyways - the day after that - she called and threatened me on the telephone - and the day after that the witch tried to drive me off of the road... the police spoke to her all was calm or so I thought -

Her retailiation - was - she copied a Christmas Card and a Valentines Card - from my ex to her - along with the addressed envelope copied - without the postmark mind you because it was probably from a time when they were not "dating"-
The front cover sheet -- said when will - maw64 stop blaming OW for the actions and feelings of her exhusband?????? Then the cards said how much he loved and missed her - and she distributed this to every single neighbor in my little 16 house cul de sac... So now I am thinking for one -why do they care if he loves you - two - now the neighbors know that I have been right all along that they were indeed together all of this time?? But really what do you think she was trying to prove??? What do you think she thought she would gain by doing this??? Anyone have any idea??? I haven't said or done anything at all... For one I could care if they are in love - we have been divorced to two years...Though I was none to happy that my kids saw it from friends of theirs in the neighborhood - I mean my youngest who is 11 - was like I thought they were just dating??? I mean what does she think this was going do to me???

maw64,

First quick thought: as you said, you and your exH are now 2-years D! What do you care if he if living with hookers?? You don't--that's the whole point.

Second thought: let me see if I get this straight. One night someone wrote a nasty name on the OW's car--and there is absolutely no evidence that it was you...it could have just been a teenage prank! And so far, the OW has:

* called the police and accused you with no evidence.

* screamed at you about how you are a horrible parent.

* called and threatened you on the phone (with what? physical violence? If so, that is a crime.)

* followed you in her car and ran you off the road in such a way that it scared you and you felt endangered.

* copied old Xmas card and V-day card and distributed it to the entire neighborhood--probably in an attempt to punish you somehow.

She has done all of this while you have been ignoring her and basically been allowing her to peacefully exist next door. You don't scream at her or threaten her, you just do your own thing and ignore her.

Is that about right?

If so, I suggest that you gather some documentation (police reports of vandalism and driving off the road incidents, documentation of the calls and threats, and a copy of this latest neighborhood distribution), head off to court, and immediately get a restraining order!! I do not believe this woman is mentally stable, and she is clearly threatening to you. If you get a restraining order, and then she breaks that order, THEN law enforcement can do something to protect you.


CJ

Yup that about sums it all up -except that the fact that the police have been involved - since the little car writing incident - and they have been informed of the threatening phone call that pretty much told me to watch my back this wasn't over - and in those words - and they have also been informed of the trying to drive me off of the road - (the road we both live on) - with my daughter and another girl in the car - he said that I couldn't get a restraining oder - there are certain situations that they apply and this wasn't one of them - Also about the flyers she so lovinly distributed - the police officer said he felt sorry for her - pretty much... So now I am wondering I guess my question was - I am sure she was expecting to get some sort of reaction out of me - about the love letters - and I didn't give her one - I didn't give him one - (if he even knows about it) - but now do you think she might do something else??? My kids are like disgusted by the whole thing as are pretty much most of my neighbors I am thinking??? But I agree with you she is unstable but - why would she think doing this would make her look good in the eyes of the neighbors???

I really doubt that you can figure out her motive, since you are thinking rationally and she is coming from the POV that she can somehow get power over you through this behaviour. Hmmm.... I think that's the definition of verbal/emotional abuse.

In my state you can only get a restraining order if you are actually married to the person you want the order against, at least until something actually happens. Sigh.....

So Anna - I did the right thing you think ignoring the wack job....Right??? I am thinking that I am a better person than them and will not give her the satisfaction of even acknowledging that I know that she distributed love letters to my entire neighborhood - well actually her neighborhood also - though she doesn't talk to one soul that lives here.... OK well thanks for your input ....

MAw,

My first thought is that she thinks she can get to you and drive you away. It's pretty clear that it bothers her much more than it does you that the 2 of U live so close.

Wish I were Home... Honestly I would have moved away awhile ago but I just thought -- why should she drive me away I didn't do anything wrong.. Plus I don't want to give my exhusband the satisfaction of moving back into my neighborhood - we just built this house five years ago.. And aside from her I have some great neighbors... So as much as I don't like living next to her - I won't let her drive me away - as much as she might like to try.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyways - last time he went over there - some stuff was written on her car with erasable stuff - a not very nice word </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Maw... How did YOU know it was 'erasable stuff'?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hey Gibby - I knew it was erasable stuff - because well when the police officer came over my house to talk to me - he told me there was no harm done because it just wiped right off...he did it with his finger to check.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> - OK???? So yup that is how I knew....

Oh, I guess I didn't really answer your question before....Yes, I think you did the right thing in ignoring her. Retaliating just lowers you to her level. Although ignoring her probably infuriates her and that isn't good either. Maybe she'll decide to move and blame it on you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anna - and why wouldn't she blame it on me.. Everything that has transpired in the last three years - involving her and my husband now exhusband has been my fault... It is probably my fault that her grass looks like crap also.. Oh well... And you are right - obviously she is very - very angry at me - about what I have no idea - I have done nothing wrong ... She is the guilty party... tsk tsk I say - It is kind of fun knowing that I am under her skin.... lol....

Hi Maw64, don't think I've ever responed to you, but I too think you did the right thing, not sure if you are familar with Dr. James Dodson, but he once mention on os radio programn that the worst thing you can do to another person is to shun them, that gets to them better than yelling and screaming. Ignor them both just talk about the kids, and nothing else... that is why she is so angry with you... kind of like a child throwing a tantrum in the store for something and that something is your reaction....

Double post

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: swan's song ]</small>

I think that's exactly it.....guilt. If she gets you to retaliate, then you're as awful as she is. But since you're taking the high road, she feels guiltier.

Hmmmm.....even if you're not dating, maybe you should have a handsome male friend drop by now and then in an expensive sporty car....stand outside and chat with him a bit....lol.

Swan's Song.. Why thank you - do you think that she is childish and if I ignore her she gets more mad huh?? That sounds good to me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anna - a nice looking man huh?? Do you know where to find one??? I am not dating but seriously considering it - I mean it has been a long time... but I guess you could say I am gun shy... oh well -

Find a great looking realtor with a convertible and have him come over and appraise the house.
Not that you're selling, just to plant the idea.
Hmmm! Kill two birds with one stone.

Newly - sounds interesting... Though I would love to move away - just won't give her that satisfaction... You know??? Plus the one thing my kids were always really sure about was that they wanted to stay in there house... So there you go - I will have to stick out living next door the the wack job....

good advice from all on here! Hold your head up high and don't respond to her childish actions.

Exactly what do YOU think the neighbors think? Honestly...if anything, she's putting herself in the position where all she can do is move herself.

If it were me...I think I'd hold a Tupperware party or something and invite the neighbors ....all except HER! And during the party..... hold your head up. If asked anything... play dumb and change the subject!

Elan - A tupperware party huh??? That is to funny - I have actually seen a few of the neighbors and the general consensus is that she is a nutcase to say the least.. You would think she would move - but she has this attitude that she has done nothing wrong... And as for me blaming her - well you know what - I do not blame her more than I blame my ex - I blame them both - him more so actually but at least he had the decency to move away and I don't have to see him everyday - And you know what - even if her and my ex should break up - she is never anyone that I would ever trust or want for a neighbor... So actually I will never stop blaming her - And at this point I can only hope that she will move but for some reason - I am thinking after three years it isn't happening anytime soon... But my question is and always has been - if they are so in love and don't care what anyone thinks - Why aren't they togther?? Why are they still lying to the kids involved most of all????