Keep smilin,
Oh my gosh - I think this is the first time I have been called out before....if not, then it is the first time because someone wondered how I was doing....
thank you so much...... I apologize for being so distant the past few days. I work in surgery, and we have had a few days of long cases. At the end, I have simply driven home, and crawled into bed from exhaustion <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . But then again, has kept me busy, and focussed on my work more than anything else. Probably a good distraction <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .
I had a bit of a turning point this weekend. I was really,
really depressed Saturday - thinking that was the first full week where H and I did not talk at ALL. Not even an e-mail about dividing things, settling money, etc. I went shopping for new sheets and a comforter Saturday, and when I was at SuperTarget, I remember talking to my mother saying how depressed I was.
I know it was wrong (and honestly NOT the way it should have happened), but I bought a bottle of wine, and decided to drink it that night while watching a movie. Lo and behold, H calls in the middle of the movie (and wine) and tells me that a metal pole had come up through the bottom of his car and almost gone through his leg. One of those moments where your heart goes to your throat....at least until I heard he was OK. Then he proceeded to tell me that he wanted a particular phrase out of the divorce papers.
At the very end, he said "I just didn't have anyone else to call, so I called you." At first, I thought "well, good - he cared enough to call me." Then I realized - no....he just couldn't get hold of anyone else (OW probably) and wanted to tell someone. I called my mom back, and in a semi-drunken state, just bawled. Bawled my eyes out. I told my mom that I was sorry - that I knew it hurt her to hear me cry....but that I just needed her. And, bless her heart, she was there for me.
Probably not the best idea to drink the bottle of wine that night....but the combination of that, my sadness for the day, and H calling allowed me to release some of that pent up depression I have been feeling. And this week (although incredibly busy) has been a little better. Not great, but at least I haven't been reminded at every turn of my H. I suppose I have just 'been.' Which, honestly is a blessing right now. Of course, I am distracted by work also.....but it has been nice to feel somewhat free from the depression....even if only temporary.
Long answer for a short question, I know. Thank you for asking about me. It really means a lot. I'm sure the feelings are not completely gone. But for the moment, they are at least a little less intense. A lot of it I owe to the responses to my last thread. It is really great to have so many people who are able to understand and relate to what I am going through.
Ever feel so thankful that you never know how to repay? Have felt that way this week - it's amazing how some things come along just as you really need them. I hope to pass it along someday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .
Hope you are doing well, too......
(Wish I had thought of a screen name as creative as yours - good mantra <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
