I came upon this website a few days ago and since then I have been trying to read everything here in my spare time. My H and I are currently separated and we have had a really hard time of it. He is the one who left because he needed time to "think" and I am terrified that I may lose him. It is not that I am afraid of being alone (although I was at first) but it is that I love him and I want our marriage to work.

We have been married for 6 years in August and we have 2 small children. Right now, he is completely withdrawn both physically and Emotionally. I really want to show him this program, but I am afraid that it will push him away even further. He says I am smothering him and that he needs time to make a choice to stay and work it out or just get a divorce.

He has been willing to go to counseling but our first session, the counselor said that only I should be coming now and he can come when he is ready. I did not understand the meaning for this! I did not chose to leave! I know that I have personal issues to work out but now seeing this site, I know that I need his input to start working on the Love Busters and the Most important Emotional Needs.

How should I present this to him for maximum effect and best possible outcome?

Any advise would be helpful.

TY

TY...just a thought. My wife and I agreed to a 30 day "no action" with our therapist. It slowed things down, gave us time to talk, address the issues in counseling, and utilize this site. It has given us the chance to decide, with help, which way we should go. Is your husband seeing anyone else? I didn't see that mentioned.
Also, I think you would get more response if you posted this question in the General question area. This forum has been great for us.
Terry

TY,
It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. My H left just over 3 months ago and doesn't think he loves me anymore, or if he ever has. We have two daughters, 6 and 4, been married 9 years next week. We are completly open and honest with each other. We tried marriage counceling, more harm than good in both of our opinions, maybe if we had tried a Christian councelor, but my H isn't a Christian.

We are at the point of deciding which seminar to attend. We're really looking at this one in August and a different on in KC the same weekend. I got my H to agree to this by saying, if he can go to this and the post sessions and still tell me that he has no feelings for me than I will let him go. I am very scared that he will be one of the few that can go through this and not hear anything that changes his mind. But only time will tell.

What have you told your children? We've always had a good relationship, showing affection for each other in front of the kids, etc. The one thing our councilor told us, and my pastor as well, don't tell the kids too much yet. You can't tell them that Daddy doesn't know if he loves mommy anymore, how awful. So we took their advice and told the girls that Daddy is staying with Grandma and PaPa to work on some stuff. I am in desperate need of help with what to tell them now. They know something is not right...we don't kiss and hug in front of them anymore, they know he's not working on anything down there. They thought he was helping PaPa with something..I did explain that he's working on Daddy stuff, not helping PaPa, they want to know why he can't work on it at home.

Terry, thanks for directing us to the General questions...I would love for some information from people who have been through the seminar, etc.

TY, Do you belong to a Church? I'll tell you, that's what's been getting me through all of this is my Church family and friends. And lots of prayer support! God is great and he will bless us for this in His time. Get in your Bible if you're not already.

Hang in there and we'll have to talk more!
Thanks...AP