I don't know what to do. I met him in September of 2001. At that time he and his wife had been seperated since March. Two weeks after we met, she filed for divorce. Over the next two-three months she would call him crying and saying that she'd made a mistake and wanted her family back. He firmly told her that he'd moved on and was happy and falling in love with me. We spent Christmas together, I met his family and their daughter. Everything was going along well until 2/24/02. That day he told me that he was going to go see her and have dinner with her. A few days later, I asked him if he still wanted the divorce and he said he now wasn't sure. I asked if he still wanted to be with me and he said definitely. Then a week later he broke up with me saying that he didn't want to be 80 some day and know that he hadn't given her a 2nd chance. (by the way, she kicked him out and then slept with another man in July, 2001). So for a week we didn't talk and didn't see each other. Then, he called me and said he wanted to see me again but couldn't yet make a full committment to me. I agreed to give him time. Since March we'd been seeing each other again. Then on May 31st, he said that he couldn't continue to be selfish and was going to try to work things out with her. June 21st, their divorce was finalized. I don't understand where this all went wrong. He was so sure of his love for me. Several times he made mention of living with me and making me his second wife. He told me of how long he'd waited to meet someone like me that he could work anything out with. He'd talked about wanting me to be the mother of his next child. I've been so devasted by this loss. I was sure that he was "the one" and my "soulmate". I keep wondering if this "reconciliation" will last or if I should maintain hope. I love him and want to share my life with him, his daughter and his family. Please advise me.

Read "Surviving An Affair". You will understand much more than you do now.

You may not feel like it now, but you dodged a bullet on this one. Marrying a man sho would cheat on his wife is an invitation to be hurt. The myth is that he can work things out with you, and he can't with his wife, because you are different. The truth is that he does not know how to constructively work out conflicts with people he is close to, and will never have a good marriage with ANYBODY until he does.

I guess I'm being a bit dull-headed. I still keep the hope that he'll realize his mistake. I will look into that book. At this point it's been 2 months since we've seen each other or talked. It still tears me up like it happened yesterday. Any help/advice is appreciated!! I just need to figure out how to get him off my mind and out of my heart.

Hi Jamonsand,
This website is devoted to making marriages better, rebuilding troubled marriages, making marital reconciliations into recovered marriages.

So, here at MarriageBuilders, a man trying again with his wife is a positive outcome and a married man's relationship with another woman, like you, is considered the mistake.

I am sorry for your pain. It does sound like he spun a beautiful fantasy future for the 2 of you, but he was very wrong to tell you he would marry you, have children with you & introduce you to his daughter before he was divorced. He really did you a disservice as well as betraying his wife.

Separated is married. Divorcing is married. Married people are not legally or morally available for other intimate relationships.

The best way to move on it to realize that he was wrong to have involved you in his troubled marriage, he wasn't honorable. He misled you, whether deliberately or in his own self-deception.

Do you want to be with someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart? Who isn't sure you are the one they want to be with?

I wish you wisdom & peace.

I am going through a separation and know the pain you are feeling...you said that their divorce went through...i guess they are still going to work on it? I am for saving a marriage no matter what...i can still understand your pain...hopefully, you will meet someone who will love you more...i know that is not what you want to here but i hope that you do...take care (i would not pursue him...it may make him run away even more)