In our divorce decree, which was final almost 3 years ago, it stated I was to pay my ex $600 because I used our credit card to buy a stove and refrigerator for the kids and I.

I had planned to pay it then, but he didn't pay child support and I could never come up with it out of the $800 a month I made.

So recently he sold our house and sent me the $6500 in back child support, all of which went to pay debt and as a down payment on a new and better house....the old one cost $400 a month just to heat.

Now he sent me an email demanding the $600 immediately or he'll take me to court. I do plan to pay it, but it will take a month or so to catch up on my bills and have enough to pay it.

Any suggestions?

annasnewlife,

Is he paying child support at this time? If so then
take part of or all of what he's sending--and use that to pay him back--

Or you could let him know you will deduct that amount from what he's supposed to pay you in child support--and call it even on those payments--

<small>[ October 26, 2004, 07:07 AM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Did the money he paid toward back child support bring him up to date, or is he still behind? Is he making regular payments?

In my area, Friend of the Court deals with child support payments and we cannot just have them reduce the amount due according to some agreement we make ... it has to go through court and is a giant hassle.

I would make a well documented "good faith" payment of $60 or so and then agree to pay him, for instance, $60 out of every $120 he pays in child support, until the debt is paid in full.

I am sure in his mind he feels he is deserving to be paid first, before your electric and phone, etc. but if it were me and my ex having this issue, I'd send him a very unemotional matter-of-fact notice that due to my debt-to-income ratio (or something suitably sterile) that I could only pay as support income becomes available. Some way he could not use against you. I always have to be wary of that with my ex.

And about your other post about him having a multiple personality disorder, it seems quite possible. I cannot fathom how a molester could survive his own conscience WITHOUT a dominant personality that denies his guilt.

Thanks TR and xp.....I think you are right, I will send him something and make payments. He actually suggested that about a month ago, but since I got married he's been really nasty and vindictive....I think he's upset that another man is parenting his children.

On the up side, my new husband is doing great with the kids! He spent all afternoon Sunday with them out in the woods, showing them different animal tracks, cutting walking sticks, cleaning out birdhouses, etc. Turns out the acreage we bought is an old Christmas Tree farm with trails through the woods and lots of interesting stuff to explore.

Again, I see red flags.

Again, I ask you how much do you know about the thought process of an abuser BEFORE they abuse?

Again, I suggest that you show a qualified children's counselor these emails (in chronological order) and get advice.

Again, I say good luck and take care! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Btw, if it were me I would pay him the $600 in a lump sum out of what he paid in back child support and be done with it--and not get drawn into playing the role he wants me to play in his twisted thought process.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LovingBoundaries:
<strong> Btw, if it were me I would pay him the $600 in a lump sum out of what he paid in back child support and be done with it--and not get drawn into playing the role he wants me to play in his twisted thought process. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could, but it took all of it to get my back utility bills paid and get us into a new house. I'm thinking I might get a loan tho to just get him off my back.

I did get a book on sexual predators and pedophiles and it was quite eye opening as to how sneaky they can be and how patiant they can be in grooming a victim. Which is why I'm always vigilant when it comes to the kids, no matter how much he complains that I'm controlling and manipulative.

Thanks for your advice!