This unreal world of lies, denial, rejection,ect. that I've been forced to live in for the past year and a half should vanish tomorrow at 1 PM. Right? My brain should stop spinning. Right? I have feared for years that this day would come. The day she would devorice me. That day is tomorrow. But she's not devoricing me, I'm devoricing her. I just realized, when we talked yesterday ( our 21st. anniversary), that I was talking to a stranger. She has the ability to act like the wife I've loved all these years when she wants me to belive her lies, but when I fall for it, this stranger appears to cause me more pain. I've never liked giving up, but this has worn me down to the ground and I'm tired. Does any body know if things will start getting better tomorrow?

Sorry to say that it isn't that easy. A piece of paper signed to legalize divorce does not take away the emotions involved in ripping apart two lives. Since you were married for a somewhat long time, it seems to be more difficult. The fact that you may not want to be divorce adds to the pain of it all. BUT it can get better. You can heal. You can grow.

Keep posting and learning about yourself and how to heal. Read things that will help you to grieve the loss you are experiencing. Do things that will build character and help you to feel good about yourself.

Sorry for your loss

TW

EWM,

I'm sure things will get better for you and all you have to do is remember that tommorrow can alway be better than today because there is always a tommorrow.

I haven't been there yet, but my guess is that it will be a day of sorrow with a sense of relief.

You're moving from one life into another so I'm sure you'll have a down side to what is now behind you but at the same time you have what is ahead of you to look foward to.

Good Luck Tommorrow
Best wishes
WIWH

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Right now I'm feeling a small bit of relief some where deep inside. I don't know if I'm supposed to. I won't get into a long story, but has anybody that found their wife having an affair, had them kneel down in front of them, crying there eyes out and begging for another chance. Then 5 days latter find an email she wrote to him saying that she is having sex with you to keep a roof over her head but durning the sex, she's thinking of him. God, I hope that has not happened to another human being. After two more similar events, I decided on the devorice. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I'm to far gone to try anymore.

ewm,

ewm,

Although my DV won't be final for at least 3 more weeks, I can almost assure you that your feelings won't just vanish tomorrow.

I am ending a 19-year M. It wasn't what I wanted. I waited almost a year from the time STBXH's A started before I gave up and filed. But while I have run out of "fight" for my M at this point, I still have feelings for my STBXH and it seems almost surreal sometimes what has happened over this last year. I still hurt when I look at photos of us or think back to our past years together. I don't expect that to all go away in three weeks when we sign the final decree.

And it is probably harder for me, and for you, because we weren't really the ones who wanted the DV in the first place, but we initiated them.

In your case, maybe your wife is sincere about wanting another chance. Maybe I haven't followed your entire story. When did you find the email? Was that a year ago right after her affair? Was that the last affair she had, or have there been more during this last year?

Like people have told me, if my H (or your W) really want us back, they can show us that whether we are DV or not. DV people DO get remarried -- it's not all that uncommon.

But on the other hand, if neither of you want a DV, you can always change your mind and postpone it or drop it entirely.

My STBXH had Affair #1 some 12 years ago. I filed on him then, too. We postponed our final date by 3 months, and then another 3 months. But that time he really did want me back. He dumped OW. He quit drinking. He really did show love for a while.

The key was "for a while". The drinking started back and continued on and off until 2001, then he was dry for 2 years, and then he met his current OW and started back full force.

I love him. I would have probably stayed with him, drunk or sober, "til death do we part", had it not been for this 2nd affair. It hurt twice as bad the 2nd time around because I never believed he'd do it again.

Like you, I'm not perfect and have made some very dumb decisions myself during bad periods in our marriage. But I really did want our marriage to work. I've prayed for years that my STBXH and I would finally find happiness together. It wasn't, at least yet, meant to be.

I can't really say much else except that the pain does become more dull with time. What was originally searing pain that kept me from eating and pretty much from functioning in general is now just a sad, dull ache most of the time.

Because I have strong biblical convictions, I am trusting that God is using this for my good in some way (not to be confused with him CAUSING it to happen). And I will say, that without my faith and my desire to live a life pleasing to God, I probably would have gone and done some pretty dumb stuff when my STBXH moved out. I'm glad I didn't.

LL

evm~~

Good luck today!

I was divorced last year in Dec.
For me, the day was a day of closure.
I'm not saying at all, that the hurt was all erased on that day, but it was a starting point.

It was a a relief to get it over with, and try to move forward.
I hope it will be the same for you.

Good luck to you, and may you feel some relief that this day will be behind you.

Take care,
K

To Karona,
My mind is not operating at full speed yet and I knew I was feeling something different but I couldn't put a handle on it. "CLOSURE" That's what I feeling. It helps to know, Thank You

Not tomorrow, but in time. There will come a point where you won't be hurting as many hours in a day. There will come a time when you won't think about her cheating every time you hear "your song" or when trigger anniversary dates come up. One day the scent of another woman in an elevator with you won't remind you of your wife because she wore that perfume around you.

It will be better.