Never thought I'd have to think about this one. We have been separated about two weeks, and all of my girlfriends (none divorced themselves) keep telling me that I need to get a lawyer ASAP just to protect myself. My husband keeps reassuring me that things will go on as usual for right now until we make a decision. But, of course, this is the same man I trusted before he had his little fling. I know he's not in his right mind, and I haven't worked for like 15 yrs, and am 53, so finding a job isn't going to be easy. I realized I do need to make sure that the monies will be there for my kids and myself, but I also find myself trusting that he will keep his word (apparently there really is a big D for dumb on my forehead). So anyway, how do you go about finding a lawyer who will help us to split everything equitably, but at the same time ferret out anything he may have hidden from me? And do we each need a lawyer, or can one person do the job?

<small>[ October 27, 2004, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Mystified44 ]</small>

My first question: Do you WANT a divorce? Does he WANT a divorce? If you don't, and if you want to try and save the M, then concentrate on that and not on what all your friends say. (And go to the General Questions II board--they have lots of activity and lots of people wanting to save their marriages.)

Second, if you do want the divorce, check out your state's laws. Most states anymore are "no fault" states which means that all assets of the marriage are split pretty much 50/50 no matter who is at fault for the demise of the marriage (unfortunately for those of us who feel we perhaps deserve a little more because we were the ones who suffered the pain of betrayal).

Third--on finding a good attorney. Ask people you know. Also, find someone who specializes in family law. Don't just get your run-of-the-mill trial lawyer.

Finally, if you do have a lot of assets, or feel your husband has things he's hiding, there are accountants who specialize in disclosing hidden assets. They're called forensic accountants. I'm sure there are less radical ways of going about the procedure, though I'm not sure what they are because I handled the finances in our marriage so know exactly what's out there.

LL