Hi All:

One thing first: I have read many posts about child support,more specifically, non-payment. I want to say a couple of things about that. I have never even thought about not paying it. It is set up as a direct deposit from my paycheck. The amount was mutually agreed upon. It also is mind boggling to hear that people have actually quit their jobs in order not to pay it. I love my girls very much, we have shared custody. W is on disability: why wouldn't one pay?

Anyways, We have been separated since 7/26. I discovered W having A in May. She left the house. On the day we were to sign the divorce agreement, she refused, but instead pleaded that this is not what she wants (she filed). So we agreed to hold off until 2005 and see if there is any possibity of reconciling. We do love each other very much, however, she is not "in love" with me anymore. She believes she can get that back.

I feel like I need to see change though, and I have not seen much. She stills chats with OM, even though she knows I clearly believe that is wrong. OM's wife believes so too, yet he still calls her. Despite what she says, there MUST still be some type of feeling. They don't work together anymore, so why is it so important that they be friends? Is it possoble for them to just be friends once they have crossed that line? I would love to hear from anyone who has been in a situation like this.

She CAN get that loving feeling back, but first she has to have NC with other man. Would she consider posting here?

Hi Believer:

Thanks for the response. What is it that makes you think she CAN get that feeling back? I have no idea if she would post here.

Pjmkag1187,

I see that you have been here for a while so I assume you understand the Love Bank! Yes she can get that feeling back but it isn't going to just happen. You need to help!

No contact is the most important thing as believer said. If she wants to be with you then she should understand that shee has to break all contact with him. It will help her re-develop the feelings for you as well as help you heal from the devestation of A.

I am curious about this 2005 decission. Was it her idea or yours?

How long have you been married?

Thanks for the response Wish:

It was her idea. She pushed for this for a month before I finally agreed. I was reluctant to, but not because I don't love her and want to stay together, but because I was not sure if this was motivated by something like needing security. She had left home and has found it very difficult. She does not work there anymore, everyone knows. I had called OM's wife and told her on the day she left home.

We have been married for 17 years, been together for almost 25, high school sweethearts. We have three daughters.

This marriage has been in trouble for many years though, we both chose to live with it and neither one of us did anything to fix it. She says she fell out of love with me 2-3 years ago. I am still in love with her, but was very angry because I knew things weren't good between us. That didn't help at all. The anger is gone. The sadness is not. Neither is the love.

Pjmkag1187,

STBX and I were HS Sweethearts also M 13 years, together 17. 4 DD's

I know what you are going through. I can say that it does get easier to handle but it takes time.

The only reason that I asked who's Idea it was and how long M was is because in most states the length of M determines the potential and duration of alimony. Sorry to think so negative of her intentions but D can do that to you.

I live in NJ and found out that after 10 years she is entitled by law to te,porary support. but after like 15 years it could be permanent.

I don't know if this is true and it would be different from state to state.

I never would have thought like this before but thinking back, I remember STBX joking with her friend about waiting for her friend to buy a house before she got D.

Well we bought our house 3 years ago, I've been out for over a year.

Point is, when it comes down to it, you can never realy be sure of a WS's intentions.

WishIwerehome:

In MA, W is entitled to child support until age of maturation. Alimony can be permanent, depending on what the court orders or the decree says. How longthe marriage was has no bearing.

As far as intentions go, your right, one never knows for sure what the other's intentions are. That's where trust comes in and that is what trust is all about. That's one of the things we have to work on.

I would imagine that trust will be difficult until she stops contact with OM.

Does she know about MB?

Have you read HNHN?

I highly recomend it for both of you! You will be surprised at how much it relates to your relationship.

WIWH

Listen to the people here, they have a lot of good advice to give.

One thing I think that everyone will agree with, you and your W will get nowhere as long as she stays in contact with OM.