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#778852 10/30/04 10:05 AM
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David A Offline OP
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Here I sit waiting for my X to show up with the truck. She went to the OM's place first to get his stuff. I have been moving her stuff out to our out building all week to stage for loading. I am going to help her and her brother load. The OM is not welcome here and I told her so.

I have been crying on and off most of the week. It really hurts to have this event come. I knew it was coming and tried to prepare for it but know amount off preparing or praying can get you emotionally ready for this type of an event.

I'm sure the next few weeks are going to be extremely tough getting used to her being gone. And every other week being completly alone with out the kids here either.

We aren't legaly divorced until December 24th yet she is going to live with the OM and drag the kids in with them as well.

She spent the last 16 years being a good honest faithful and loving Christian woman, and now this ! What is this teaching our children ? She above all has been teaching them right from wrong, about Faith, Love, Honesty, and Promises.

Her Father showed up this morning to help her out and bring her a few things. He didn't know she was moving in with the OM. He went into the barn and looked around at all the stuff piled up everywhere for the move, started crying and left. He wanted me to know she wasn't raised that way. I told him I knew and I was sorry for the both of us. That I still loved and her and would take her back if she would change her ways and work with me on the marriage.

Gotta Go.............

David A

#778853 10/30/04 10:24 AM
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{{{{{{{{{David}}}}}}}}}}}
I saw your post and it touched my heart. I don't know you're story and there's nothing I can say to make it any easier. I just wanted you to know that others have been there and understand the pain you're going through. Hopefully it will start to get easier after today. I'm saying a prayer for you and for your STBXW.
Leslie

#778854 10/30/04 05:38 PM
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David A Offline OP
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Thank you Letstry,
It's been a very long year of lies and deceit. While all along she has been carrying on with the OM and deceiving me and the kids. Now that we are legaly seperated awaiting the divorce to become final she has brought her relationship into full view.

Damned the morality and everthing she was taught and believed in her whole life. I know God has plan for us. But it's not always easy to understand or accept. We are not always patient enough to wait and see it happen. We are to worried about our happiness in our short time here on earth and wanting to find it and enjoy it wiith what little time we have left.

I know the right thing to do is let go and I'm really trying but the simplest things are usually the most difficult to do.

We almost made it through the whole day without a problem until she decided she wanted to take the freezer out of the basement and 1/2 the food in the house. Without knowing the whole story this would seem like a reasonable request.

OUr first court date was in January, she was supposed to pay half the operating expenses of the house as a temporary court order. All she ever did was buy food. Never got a penny from her. As part of the settlement she got half my retirement account, I wrote her a check for 30K. I waived her balance of what she owed in back expenses and allowed her to remain in the house after the divorce was granted until she could find a place to live ( I thought for her and the kids, I didn't know at that time the OM was in on the deal as well. ) We had an agreement on what she was removing from the house and the freezer wasn't in the deal. Not only that she had a friend that was going to give her one. She didn't want to pay the $1.29 a mile for the truck to go pick it up !!!! She said I could have the free one and she would take ours and I could go pick it up.

Isn't this small crap !! But boy did it set me on fire. If her brother hadn't been there to literaly tell her to shut up and knock it off I don't know what would have happened.

Well now she is pissed off and has thrown it all in my face that I got what I wanted and she is out of here and out of my life for good. If that were only the case.

I did let one nasty fly during the whole mess. Something about getting out of here and going to her cozy little love nest with the OM. It was wrong of me to say that but it just flew out of my mouth before I could stop it.. Forgive me Lord....
I tried to apologize for it later when she brought my moving equipment back but she wouldn't listen and stormed out in a hurry with the kids.

So tomorrow dawns a new day in my life. I know it's going to be sad and lonely for a while and all of us here will have to go through it at some point. For now the tears still fall and my heart and home are emmpty. The loneliness overcomes me like a swarm of locusts eating away at my soul. But this to will pass and make me stonger as time goes by.

I don't use alcohol or drugs in times of trouble, although I can understand how easy it can be for some people who can't handle the intense emotions. I rather rely on praying and writing. I write mostly in my journal every day and here when I have the time.

I really could use someone besides my shrink to talk to who understands what I am going through. Talking about it seems to help relieve some of the anxiety and now I need to talk about it alot. I don't want to burden my family or friends any more than I have.

I talked to my one and only "friend" this morning about an unrelated issues and told him of the days events. I figured he would have called again or come by. But I haven't heard or seen a thing. This is how I know they all tire of my troubles........

There are many people who say they are my friends but I guess I have a different view of what a friend is and is not than most people.

I'll write more later

David A

#778855 10/31/04 09:07 AM
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{{{{David}}}}

My WH also moved out yesterday. But unlike you, I do have my kids here with me. But last night was kinda depressing. I'm okay with the idea of separation and D. I now realize that my WH is a pathological liar and extremely selfish. I can never trust him again. Never should have. I now realize I can't have a life with him. I sure tried. Tried for too long, I'm sure. It's hard, though. He's been my life for over 15 years. I don't know how to be single. I sure never thought I'd be a single mother. I cried last night, and I'm sure that will last for a while. But I'll be okay. And so will you. Hang in there! It will get better. I keep telling myself that every day.

#778856 10/31/04 10:06 AM
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Does it help to know others ARE feeling the same way? I'm not always sure.

But David, I definitely feel the same as far as my friends are concerned. They are my friends until I want to talk about my H, or cry, and I know they are sick of me and don't understand why I just don't hate him and "move on with my life".

My H moved out two months ago, although he was rarely here when he did live here, as he works out of town all week long anyway. This is the major reason for our downfall. H just walked in one day and said he didn't love my anymore.

So, you are not the only one out there going through a divorce who would still like to work things out. My attorney does not understand why I still want him back, and my attorney is a born again Christian.

I cry all the time, and would do anything to put the family back together. I understand the feeling of having to let him go, but it's hard when we get along fine and have pleasant converstations, I then feel like we should be working on something, but he refuses.

I feel for you, and you can cry on my shoulder anytime, I understand the need to talk to people. My phone bill has been outrageous the past 6 months from my need to talk to people.

Country Mama

#778857 10/31/04 11:40 AM
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DavidA,

((((((((((DavidA)))))))))) We are here. You are not alone and never will be. I know you are a man of strong faith and convictions, and now is the time that tests men's faith. God promised you, "I am with you always," and He is. But I also know that sometimes, as great and loving as God is, it helps to have a real person there with you to talk to or get a hug from.

Sadly, almost everyone on this forum has been in your shoes. We have all "been there, done that" and we don't just comprehend how big and silent the house now feels, but we empathize.

I have two suggestions for you--very practical ones. After church today, go buy some lotioned tissues and some soup you can heat in the microwave. See, if you keep using "normal" kleenex, your eyes and nose will be rubbed raw and chapped, and then when you cry into that...it stings! Also, with the big lump in your throat and a stomach that is churning, you really can't eat much--but somehow soup is warm and a bit nourishing...it is something you can swallow and helps a bit.

DavidA, WE ARE HERE.

((((((((((DavidA))))))))))


CJ

#778858 11/01/04 12:06 AM
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David A Offline OP
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Cell phones ! Free nights and weekends and free long distance !

I think most of us here who are not in abusive relationships would give anything to work out our marriages.

We don't want to let go and move on because there is always the WHAT IF that looms in the back of our minds. This is how I have been feeling all along.

I am now seeing I have not put enough faith in the Lord to just give it all up to him. Stop playing the what if game. What if our spouses have a change of heart and we have moved on to another hopefully better relationship. What if my heart becomes hard and I choose to deny a reconcilliation should one be asked for.

The point is, give it up and move on. Have FAITH that the Lord will bring you to a happier exsistence. It may be back with your X it may be with someone totally different who will bring a fullfillment to our lives like never before as we can bring to theirs. It might be we are to stay alone for a while and just take care of our kids. ( I have my kids every other week ) 50 / 50 custody. One of the few things me and the X agreed on right from the start.

I live in central Massachusets and I would be happy to talk to any one of you. As the old saying goes misery loves company. I am a gentleman and I treat people with dignity and respect and always have. It's my nature.

Free time on the cell phone starts at 9 PM eastern time and runs through to 6 AM. Weekends start at 9 PM Friday night to 6 am monday morning. If your on Verizon, their customers can talk anytime mobile to mobile with no deductions from your plan minutes. Cell 413-668-7035 Land Line 413-436-7443

David A

#778859 11/01/04 12:15 AM
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Thanks CJ,
I guess we were posting at the same time. I have the kids this week so the X can fix up her little love nest and have a week alone with the OM. I sound bitter don't I ?

I uttered some disrespectful judgements yesterday in front of everyone and it was wrong. I have since apologised to everyone including the X and she didn't take it very well. Not much I can do about that.

Out with the kids later for some Trick or Treat fun. I might even see if I can find something stupid to wear just to try to get into it myself.

If I'm not to tired I'll chec in later.

David A

A great man once said "It is better to keep ones mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

Not much doubt here ;-)

#778860 11/02/04 08:53 PM
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(((((David A)))))

No matter how it's sliced, diced, dished out--- it all does end up in our laps. Faced with ws actions. I aimed for a clean swift break to recreate order& peaceful parting.

Rules of engagement which ws mindlessly adhere to is only themselves, for themselves, damn everyone else. Sad but true. The way it is. How it will be. Nothing new, they don't care, yet you do.

Take care of yourself-- Way too big of shock, giant upheavel, terrible grip to be in, a grid lock of hurt& pain which won't go away over night, or the weekend. Overcast will loom for awhile ... I am praying for you!!!

So soorry, soo sad for your grief, cruelty absorbed, pain, distress! Don't all these emotions feel weird?

#778861 11/03/04 10:11 PM
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CJ & Skydiver,

Thanks for your kindness, concern and your time in reaching out to me in my time of need. I think it was one of you who asked me if this whole situation was in some way sureal. Boy I guess so ! Almost like an out of body experience. It's like witnessing someone elses life, it can't be mine.

Our separation has taken a little of the weight off my shoulders but not enough to really make an appreciable difference in my general outlook on life.

I have reached one important conclusion since she has been gone. That I need to really let go and have more faith than I ever had before that God will look out for me

#778862 11/03/04 11:46 PM
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David A-- Your are most welcome& your worth it! This is your time of valid need. Duality here speaks, things,are fresh, fresh, very fresh &empty, empty, very empty. Multi-dimensionally surrealism with all kinds of memories unleashed!

Think many had hoped the balloon would some how pop! And your normal spouse would re-appear. The Illusions would burst,fade away forever. For some it does, others that balloon travels around for 80 days-others floats spins around for yrs.

I have learned, still learning, the hardest, yet simplest & most effective is letting the string go.Allowing that unpleasant bubble to take a life of it's own. Especially, hard lesson for many of us to grasp or ungrasp.

I am very sorry that your wife has been swept away by this illusion. You have given her yet another very important gift the string of freedom. With that gift the winds of reality emerge, which can now freely sweep into her life at some point. Maybe, with prayer, time, reality and string, she might recover her senses& find her back to you, your children. She is lost.

You can be proud that you have done all you can, you have loved & stood by your wife, and taught your children the eternal importance of caring for others which have real value!

Valuable lesson I am learning through this adultery process, is not allowing emotions chart the course of our lives. Think were all quite worn by these Bermuda Emotional Triangles!!!

The 8 ball-has been sunk. Not much we can do about it. Take good excellent rest& excellent care!!!


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