I'm getting the hints so I see it coming. STBX is going to be looking for money that I don't have.

1.We found out Friday night (In the ER) that DD9 may have asthma. It's quite a scare when your little girl say's she can't breath but so far she is OK.

X got an inhaler that our insurance didn't cover, now there's a surprise.

I know she is going to come at me to help pay for this every month. I don't have a problem paying anything for my kids but as it is, she gets everything and I don't even get enough to live on yet. Everything she has to spend comes directly from me and she has done nothing to help provide financialy.

2. X wants to put a Radon vent in the house. She asked me what was needed, how much it would cost, AND IF I COULD DO IT MYSELF!!!
As far as I'm concerned ,It's her house now so It won't cost me anyhing for HER to get a Radon vent put in HER house. I'm not even Welcome there because it's like I'm "Invading Her Space" but she has no problem asking me to come and do something for her. I have only been there twice since the stove needed to be replaced a few months ago.

3. I found out tonight that she is having transmission problems <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . With HER van. But I know she is stilllll going to come at me for $$ to pay for repairs or she's gonna end up racking up another monthly expense of a new car payment. That would crush me.

She keeps dropping these hints to me that she can't afford all these things going on but she hasn't actually asked for anything. I know that she thinks I have money that I don't. She just doesn't get it that I give her more than I need to to make sure that my kids keep the life that they are used to.

How many more times do I need to say "GET A JOB"

I'm so sorry for you daughter!
Please do anything you can to help her!

(Would that vent help her?? in that case, you'd help your daughter, not your X, please think of it that way.)

Re: the rest... what's in your 'divorce papers'?
(My x, e.g. pays 9% of his salary, and 30% of 'extra costs' - 'special' medical needs if my son might need it (don't give me God!) (if above what my company already covers), also 30% for sports, schools trips, etc.)).
Could you talk to lawyer and change some things related to how much you do can give?

I agree, she should work and improve financial situation for your daughter too, especially now.

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>

BTN, edit not equal to reply with quote <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 02, 2004, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>

Belonging to Nowhere,

My problem is that I have no problem doing everything I can.

There is no D yet to have papers for. We have no financial settlement yet so I get enough to eat and work while I live at a relatives. She gets the rest. Yet she still thinks she can ask me for $$ for things.

I'll probably split all medication costs for DD. I already cover 100% of all of their health insurance 4 DD's and STBX. New insurance may help with these recent misfortunes.

I'll probably put in the Radon vent on my "Free Time" and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up fixxing the Van. Transmission is one thing I haven't tackled yet, but I'll try anything!

What bothers me is, she doesn't need me or want me around but when she needs me she wants me around. And even worse, I still just say "OK"

This is my DD's health, My 4 DD's house and transportation. Of course I'll do what ever I can.

I understand, it does hurt... but you just torture yourself by your W behavior...
Just if you could distinguish that what you do is for your daughter would hurt less... and do the best signing (if you reach D) a reasonable amount of payments...
Would be easier if she worked... that way you'd know that you pay just for your daughter and that's the way it should be...

It's never ending though... :-(

Well, it's evident you met her financial support needs!
Notice that she's not asking for money, just hinting. Can you see a communication problem here? It was likely the same way in your M. She hinted and you were supposed to solve everything.
Which you likely did. Now you don't feel compelled to solve her problems

And about Radon. The only reason for remediation is typically to sell the house. I didn't think it was easy enough to do yourself. I didn't worry about it in my old house or in my current one. Close to the 4 # but definitely over that number. Unless you live in the basement, or the number is inordinately high, it doesn't seem to be much of an issue. So, why is it important to her now?

Newly,

The Radon vent isn't a new thing to her. We intended to put one in since the day we bought the house. Never had the money, Never had the time, and I was out before it got done.

I don't recall the level but it was high enough for us to decide to put one in. It probably would have been done already if she didn't decide she would rather me not come to the house anymore.

Well I got the bomb on the Transmission repairs. She didn't ask me to help pay but I offered to do what ever I can.

I also got a long sob story about having to pay this and having to pay that.

Also found out that DD isn't doing so well in a few of her classes. Surprisingly enough, they are the subjects that I always helped the kids with. I don't get to help them with school work so much these days because the last thing they want to do when they're with me is homework.

Wish - Please this isn't just about your kids..

IT'S WHO YOU ARE ------ You can't say NO, you can't shut her out and make her responsible for her own self...You come running and she knows it..
and she uses it against you....

Please - I'm the same way..we allow them to take advantage of us - because we are basically good, caring, and we can't change who we are either no matter how crappy they treat us..Even when we know....they are using us..we give...

Just wanted to say - you aren't alone in being used...and feeling it..Hope things get better for you..I dont know you whole story but if the divorce is her idea and she's not willing to work on the M she needs to "feel" the consequences of her actions...

ItHurts,

Sometimes it feels like I'm being used and sometimes I do want to just say "Tough [censored]" but I don't

I don't think she realy does it intentionaly. I don't think she realizes how cold she is when she doesn't need me for something.

But it's not just her, I'm a sucker for anyone who admits they need my help.

Funny - I just told my mom this the other day..She was ranting that I should not do anything for my WH...I don't do much anymore..basically, gave up cooking & doing his laundry.

My reply to mom was simple -

When I'm taking my last breath - I'll know in my heart that I was a good person - no matter how I was treated by others I always did the right thing. No matter how WH used me I turned my cheek and did the right thing..I believe in doing for others even if they aren't treating me right. It's who I am...I guess it can be used against me to a fault...

When I was a kid and I didn't want to do something, visit gradparents, church, whatever - My dad would just look at me and say---

"You know your place"..that's all he'd have to say and I'd step up and do what was right/expected without another word..Apparently, dad instilled it too deep, hahhahha..