12/5/94 My life changed forever for the better when I met my wife.

3/18/95 Earlier in the week I knew she was the one for me, I don't know how, I just ...felt it in my heart. Nothing ever made me feel more..... alive. I went and spend 2 months worth on a ring and that night at dinner I asked her to accept my promise of a lifetime.

4/22/95 I became a 25 year old happy husband to a loving, caring 22 year old goddess.

11/21/96 My world changed once more and I was never happier, my daughter arrives.

Sometime in 98 I messed up.

Spent the rest of that year and most of 99 trying to fix things.

9/18/99 Worst day of my life. Divorce. Been searching for myself ever since.

2/17/2001 My sister's wedding. W and I are still good friends, everyone around us thinks it but won't say it... "Those two should be back together...."

Spent the next few years trying to woo her back, but understandably she's a little defensive and shy about it. We have our good days, we have our bad. But she's with another man now anyway.

6/25/04 Thought if I married someone else I would get over her.... wrong. Had it not been for a Business trip out to Vegas and the girlfriend tagging along it would not have happened. But that's no excuse. It was planned for 8/26/05 anyway.

10/14/04 2nd wife's constant comments of "get out" finally take hold and I leave. A few days later she says she wants me back home, I go.

10/27/04 Comments don't stop and I've packed my bags for good.

10/30/04 Got email from 2nd wife...says I didn't just leave her behind, she's expecting child. (maybe) 2 Doctor's tests... one says negative and the other "Ultra test"(?) says positive. Have to wait a few more week and go back for retesting.

11/2/04 Almost 10 years from my life completely changing. How come it didn't get better?

11/3/04 Not sure what tomorrow brings. Not sure how I feel about this new child possibly coming into this world. But the thought of another broken family kills me. I can't be 2 men, but I want so badly to go back to my first wife and kids. The kids love me so much...wish I was home with them. They tell me this... tell mom too. But now I may have another family to think about. What do I do? I need help finding these answers.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 07:46 AM: Message edited by: DisordereDisturbeDerangeD ]</small>

NEWSFLASH! LIFE WILL NEVER BE PERFECT!

When you had your first wife, the grass looked greener elsewhere. When you were apart, her grass looked greener again. Then you married another woman. Now your first wife looks better again -- why? Because it's too difficult to make things work with YOUR WIFE? You remember her, the one you are married to now...

If there is a baby coming, you are going to have to grow a spine and be a father to it. Put some work into your marriage, and move forward. No more waffling.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I feel very impatient with you.

Does it matter at all that I never stopped loving my first wife and divorced her because I thought that is what she really wanted?

The first time we appeared before the court, the judge laughed at us, told us we didn't want this divorce... go to a counselor and get help. He ordered us back in 60 or 90 days, can't remember which.

I wanted to go to counseling and did...she went 2 times I think. I just hurt her so badly. Yeah....I had everything I ever wanted and messed it up. I was the one who ended up filing for divorce too... had I not done that, I would still be married to the 1st wife.

About half of all our fights with the current wife are her trust issues with me and my firsts "relationship". And my current wife's ex who stalks her still...and his best friend who also wants her for himself. Kind of sick when her ex's best friend, a cable guy...and we always seem to have problems with our cable.

I went back to talk to my ex Monday night. While she was in the other room I checked her cell phone.... guess how many missed calls and incoming calls were from her ex....that she doesn't talk to anymore.... Outgoing calls are easy to clean up...just make more calls so the history doesn't show who you really wanted to talk to.

I was gone this time for 3 days...and all she did was call and get calls from her ex that used to beat the crap out of her, mentally abuse her, and even held a shotgun under her chin one time when she told him she was leaving him...

I still talk to my ex because we have kids. had we not, it might have been easier to put her in the past, but we'll never know for certain now. My wife has no ties to this abuser, yet she sends him and email the day we get back from our "honeymoon" telling him all about her trip to Las Vegas and the Grand canyon and all she did....except for who she went with, the fact that she got married, sent him 4 edited pictures from out there... cut me out of them. And signed it "Love <hername>"

Tell me this is a healthy marriage worth fighting for.

<small>[ November 03, 2004, 08:25 AM: Message edited by: DisordereDisturbeDerangeD ]</small>

I truely hate to say this but it sounds as though both of you have not let go of the past. You can never give yourself to your current marriage unless you are willing to let go and take your heart back from your ex-wife. If the reason you got marriage was solely based on your desire to try and forget your ex the problem with your marriage could be springing from this unstable foundation. Marriage in the best of circumstances requires a lot of work.....with out an honest desire to be with that person the work of marriage seems just like that...effort without blessing. You have to make a decision whether you are willing to take you heart out of the past and commit yourself to this marriage. If you got married with the knowledge that you still loved your ex then you never truely gave your heart to your wife and it sounds like she knows this. If you are not willing to work to forget the pains of the past be merciful to your wife and let her go. She is probably in pain to. Imagine how you feel believing that she is still in love with her ex. If both of you make the commitment to work this through...no matter what has to happen you can, but you have to truely want that. It does not sound like you do. For your sake and hers it sounds like you need to have a hard, honest look at where you are at. Your ex wife sounds like she has moved on with her life...at some point in oder for you to move on you have to except this. It has been 10 years...do you want to spend the next ten wishing for something that may never come to pass. Your ex wife might be a wonderful woman but a good marriage is created it does not just happened. If both of you make the commitment you can have that again with your current wife. For what it's worth you and your wife need to sit down and have rigioriously honest conversation about what you both want and move on from there.

It's true...

I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I never really got it back. Not all of it. Every single relationship since has been a failure due to my past.

Problem is, my ex-wife began to move on then stopped. She keeps me just close enough...ya know. And already loving her, having history with her, and 2 great kids... how can I turn my back and completely let go? I honestly thought if I married soemone else, I would be able to. But I guess I was wrong.

I do not want another failed marriage. And I certainly do not want another broken family.

First step is to make certain wether my wife is pregnant or not. I would hate to stay together for a child's sake, but maybe, if she really is pregnant, we can grow from there. If not... well maybe it will be easier for us to really decide what we want.