GG

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> no sex, no respect </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HMmmmmm! Sounds like abused to me but was he abusing you or himself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Anyway!!
The guilt card is pretty powerfull but when you are able to overcome it and defeat it's power, it feels pretty good

WIWH

WIWH,

That is a really powerful statement and I needed to hear it, because my H lays the guilt on thick! I fall for it eveytime, but no more!

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">f I were really concerned about the kids I'd find a way to live with him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps this staement bothers you because you suspect it might be true.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And while divorce was not best for the children, it was better than the alternative which was one of us dead.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Statements like this reflect a black and white thought process often characteristic of clinical depression. I don't recall reading anything that indicated that you or your husband had done anything that would justify homicide in a court of law, and I doubt if you or he could justify suicide in most any religion, or even to advocates of assisted suicide. There are almost never only two alternative solutions to a problem. Just off the top of my head I can think of several others, aside from the obviously preferable one of working out your problems. These alternatives would include separation without divorce, working separate shifts so you don't see much of each other, and buying a duplex so that you can each keep your half in whatever condition you wish. These may not be completely satisfactory solutions, and I am sure you can come up with better ones, but any of these solutions is preferable to divorce.

Nellie, I never said that I'd be justified in committing murder, nor do I think suicide is morally justifiable.

I disagree with your assement of my thinking and of divorce, but I thank you for your reply.

editted to add:

As for the living separately. I wouldn't trust myself to make it a permenant situation. I would eventually fall.

<small>[ November 06, 2004, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

OK GG,

I'd like to go back to the begining of this thread

You say he agreed to schedule, Is it on paper. Print out a calander with his days indicated and give it to him so he doesn't get confused!

Also give him a schedule of the girls regular routine. ON PAPER

5:30pm dinner
7:45 Jammies and BRUSH TEETH
8:00pm prayers
8:15 lights out.
7:30 am HE drives them to school

You can pick the times and tasks yourself if you like but I'm sure you get the idea.

He may not like you dictating these things to him but you have to let him know how important it is to them that they stay consistant on how the spend there time.

I do admit that the bed time is tough. When they are with me it's like a sleep over to them so they are hard to get settled down. I'm sure that will pass in time for them though.

? When they go to his place do they bring everything they need with them? Or do they have things there?

I brought my girls shopping for general things to have as there own when they are with me. Toothe brush and Toothe past, Hair brushes, Soap, Shampoo, Games.

That way all they need to bring with them is cloths and they will be able to take care of themselves when they are with me. I also don't need to hear
"Well mommy didn't pack me this" or "I forgot to bring that" (Although there was one time that my oldest went to bed wearing my jammies <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

They also look forward to using the things that they have at my place so it makes it easier.

And If he has any comment or complaints, what I have found that works pretty good is to just cover your ears and say"La La La La La La La " As loud as you can as you are walking away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

Careless judgmental stress styles in marriages or divorces do not serve anyone. Everyone gets stressed...it's just that it is best not to project that stress on others and pass it off as if someone other than you controls your emotions. A more congruent or "go with the flow" attitude might serve you better when viewing your husband’s choices. After all, most people do not care about what you think of them anyway so concentrate on taking care of #1 only for a change and you'll find that more and more people are attracted to you that way anyway.Heck, its' not hard. Why do spend so much time buying into what some counselor says. After all, the counselor, the pastor, and the lawyer all will give you what you want. Take a down to earth approach....Be nice---it is your only way out. Let the anger go, have a successful divorce at least---you owe that to yourself---make the divorce worth it now that it is done.

Careless judgmental stress styles in marriages or divorces do not serve anyone. Everyone gets stressed...it's just that it is best not to project that stress on others and pass it off as if someone other than you controls your emotions. A more congruent or "go with the flow" attitude might serve you better when viewing your husband’s choices. After all, most people do not care about what you think of them anyway so concentrate on taking care of #1 only for a change and you'll find that more and more people are attracted to you. Why do spend so much time buying into what some counselor says. After all, the counselor, the pastor, and the lawyer everyone all will give what you want. Take a down to earth approach....Be nice---it is your only way out. Let the anger go, have a successful divorce at least---you owe that to yourself---make the divorce worth it now that it is done.

You are so right, Scott. Since I control my emotions, and should take care of Number 1 first, and want to have a successful divorce, I'm going to go after what I want!

Hells bells, I could be divorced and no better off than married, as Cerri has pointed out time and again. Time to stand up for what I want.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Time to stand up for what I want. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You go Girl!

Ok that doesn't sound right comming from me but I believe the comment was warranted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH