My husband is living with another woman. It has been this way for several months. I have worked on myself and so has he, but he will not leave her. I admit I am in love with my husband and have prayed for god's guidence. I can't go on to a new relationship and don't want to. I still talk to him on the phone everyday behind her back. I have been trying to get him more involve with god. I have asked him to go to church with me on wednesday nights. I work on Sundays. I need some guidence, some help with understand how far I go. Do I give up now. Do I keep waiting for a change. Do I let go and see what happens. I'm lost.

Anyone who can email me anything that will help me would be appreciated

Tawny

It doesn't sound like you should be thinking about divorce just yet. While there are no guarantees (I hoped and prayed for a year and my STBXH continued his affair and I finally gave up) it's important if you want to save your marriage to not give up too soon but to do everything you can.

I had some other circumstances that helped make my decision, and I still have many painful days where I miss my STBXH and just want things back the way they were.

So, my recommendation is that you read Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair" if you haven't already. Then, post over on GQII in the "infidelity" section of the message boards. There are a lot of people on there in similar situations who are trying to save their marriages.

It gets a lot more posts than we do over here in D/D and they often have very good advice and moral support.

LL

Tawny,

Only you can decide if and when it is right for you to let go.

Have you read all the information here? The Basic Concepts, the Q&A's the Articles?

I suggest that you find out all you can about Plan A and do your best to continue meeting his Emotional Needs.

He will have to completely give up OW if things are going to work for you. No contact with her at all!

Good luck and Welcome to MB

WIWH

Tawny,

I hate to welcome you to this site ( because no one wants to be here under our circumstances ), but WELCOME!

I know eaxctly what you feel because my H has been doing the same thing and still is. My advice to you would be to not give up until you have exausted every possibility. You don't want to do anything and regret it later. I had to try for this entire year while my H was with her and their new baby ( without me knowing he was actually living there ). I had to subject myself to all of his lies and being treated like the one at fault, and disrespected at every turn. I listened to him say he wanted his family and watch him leave everynight to go and lye his head on her pillow.

Don't give up until you are sure that you have done all that you can to save it. If he is willing he will work with you, but if he's not then you would have to go it alone. some of the girls told me once that if he loves you he would do whatever it takes to make it work, maybe he will and maybe he won't. Knowing that you have done all that you could will bring you resolve and peace of mind - then the path that you are to take will be easily recognizable(msp).

Take care of you and read up on the principles of this site. "Don't close the book until you have finished reading it"!

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tawny,

U have received some very good advice already, I just wanted to add that in addition to reading all that u can on this site, if u believe in God & the power of prayer, pray.

Pray for yourself, for God to give u guidance & wisdom as to what to do & say to your H, pray for your M that God would reconcile u w/ your H & make your M stronger than ever & one that glorifies him , pray for a forgiving spirit towards your H & OW, yes even pray for her as well, thats a tough one. Pray for your H as well, that he would see that this is not God's plan for him to live in this adulterous relationship.

Yes according to the bible u have grounds for D based on your H's infidelity but the bible aslo says to love everyone even your enemies & to forgive them.

I can say all this to u cuz I have lived thru what u r going thru right now. My H lived w/ OW who was pg. w/ his child for 8 months. It was sheer hell for me & if not for the grace of God I would have lost my mind or committed murder. He did come home to me last April 2003, I can't say that we r truly in recovery, w/ his daughter in the picture, he cant stop all contact w/ OW so it has been difficult but we r still trying.

U have to really decide if u want to try & save your M & what u r willing to do to try & save it. Like JT said u need to really need to know u have done all u can before u give up on your M, I have come close to D on a few occassions during this "journey" I can't walk away w/ no regrets though, so here I stand!

Praying for u! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tawny}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}