I am new here and a little confused. I am going to try and explain a little background here and then get to the point.
Before we got married we were together for about 5 years and had 4 children. We got married and have been married for about 3 years.
My wife left 2 other times before this last time. She apparently was not getting what she wanted from this marriage. Both times before she took the children with her. She was using the internet as an escape, talking with other men and telling them things that I felt I should have heard. I was not paying enough attention or helping like I should have at home. (caught up in the struggle). Financial problems also played their role. Once i knew about what was going on online, I blew up.
When she left, she had a friend come get her, took her cloths and really didn't have much to say. I had no phone number or knew where she was. She would call when she wanted to and hide the number. Anyway, I ended up filing for divorce about 3 months ago. She wasn't coming to see the kids much. We had our first court about a month ago and she still seemed withdrawn. After the court date, things started to change as far as attitude for me. I decided to try dating someone.
Well, I told my wife about it and she said that she didn't care and was happy for me. After it happened and she found out we had sex, her "true" feelings come out. She wanted to talk to me. We talked for many hours and I really enjoyed it. I broke things off with the new person. Me and my wife spent the night together and had a wonderful time. Feelings started bursting back for me anyway.. She still believes that we should divorce and I don't want to now.. help!

Four4Daddy,

You can't realy just stop a D if one or the other is determined, it will happen.

I'd like to share with you, a post that another MB'er posted to someone in a situation similar to yours a while back. All may not apply to you but there is something to learn from every bit of it so I'll give it all to you.

I'm only quoting this because I saved it and have gone back and read it many times myself. It encouraged me and did in fact benifit me as myself.

Typically this would be seen as a last resort type of thing. MC no longer an option and W conviced that D is the only way to go.

Originally posted by TooMuchCoffeeMan almost a year ago.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 1) Act Happy. Be as cheerful as possible. Be positive. Put on this behavior when you have contact with your W. Prepare yourself to act this way. Practice if need be. Be an actor if need be. Fake it, if you must. Fake it til you truly do get to the point where you experience your life as positive (It really is, you know!). Remember that there are millions of people out there who are worse off than you are at this moment and who would trade places with you in a second.


2) Get a life. Rekindle old hobbies or interests that you have discarded but still interest you. Try out new hobbies or interests. It is therapeutic.

3) Focus on 4 key words. Every day, every hour and every minute if need be, plaster your mind with these 4 life-saving words: I WILL MAKE IT! This becomes your mantra. Wake up with it. Put it on your mirror. Eat lunch with it. Go to sleep with it. Convey in every which way to your W that you WILL MAKE IT. Say, "I will make it! I prefer to make it with you (if that is what you REALLY want), but if that doesn’t happen, I will make it without you. Either way, I want you to know that I will make it." State with erect, confident body language, unblinking, direct eye contact and calm, firm, consistent tone of voice.

4) To-the-point small talk. Make conversations with your W brief and
to the point. Talk only about the solutions to specific problems that need to be addressed, such a particular bills, household or children concerns. Let silence prevail if she wants to "hook" you into melodrama. Politely but firmly end such conversations.

5) Tend to agree. Try to find the kernal of truth in what your W is saying and agree with it. Acknowledge it. If she says "I don’t love you anymore.", you say to her "It certainly seems that way. Thank you for your truthfulness.". If she says "I’m not sure what I want." You say "Yes, it must be confusing for you." If she tells you "I’m thinking of moving out." You say "Do you have an idea of when you’re going to do that? Knowing would help me plan for my activites."

6) Expand your social relationships, including those of the OPPOSITE SEX. Make new friends. Go to lunch. Surround yourself with interesting people who have the potential to care about you. Rekindle old friendships that have faded. With the opposite sex? Yes! I’m not talking about a revenge affair or sleeping with somone. I’m not talking about dating. I’m talking about being friends and learning
about you and how you relate, especially to those of the opposite sex.

7) Get sexy – in a healthy way. Get in shape. Lose weight. Run. Walk. Exercise. Eat right. Enjoy your body. Take supplements. Take extreme care of your body. Begin to feel healthy…and healthy is sexy.

Do not use these strategies as a manipulative tool to change what your spouse is doing. She will pick up on your motive and see through it. She will easily manipulate you back to where
he/she wants you (whereever that was to make you predictable and controllable). You engage in these exercises and strategies because you want to for you. You know that this is the best way to live and at this point, be in relationship with your spouse. This is the best way for you to survive and retain integrity. Here’s the kicker. A by-product of these efforts is usually dramatic changes on the part of your spouse. Don’t be surprised if he/she moves closer. Don’t be surprised if she does a double-take. Don’t be surprised if she decides to 'work on the marriage.' But, don’t expect it!

Even if your marriage does not survive, the above strategies are for YOUR benefit and will make you an extremely attractive man for another woman worthy of your love.
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Im pretty much in the same situation. Im tring everything I can to stop it. THe only thing we can do is pray. God will take care of us. Never loss faith.

I really appreciate your input with the "previous" message. I believe that it holds invalueble information concerning whether a "I still love you" or "I still care" statement is true. I believe that a positive attitude brings truth. I have recently been reading similar writings as well and have put these types of behavior into effect and it has in fact brought out the truth in alot of situations including divorce. I want to admit that AT THIS TIME, I have made a good decision filing for divorce.

I also want to give thanks for the emotional and spiritual support. Sharing your feelings in a similar situation is helpful as well. I do hope everyone that is experiencing the same thing that I am, will have a positive outcome from their what may be a "sweet" tragedy..