I had said adios to my husband after only being married for three months and finding that he was having what he called a platonic relationship with his ex lover. We talked after I called him about the proceedings and decided to meet at an exclusive hotel to have some private time, and to talk. I don't have real high hopes, I want to.
But he admitted he had already placed a profile on a dating site, and had gone out with the ex lover for a theatre night. He still insists that there is nothing between them but I don't know if I can believe him. Should I try to get the marriage on track or just throw in the towel?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We talked after I called him about the proceedings and decided to meet at an exclusive hotel to have some private time, and to talk. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who's idea was this and why a hotel?

What do you think his intentions of this meeting may be?

I didn't think any of the reputable dating sites would let you register being that he is STILL MARRIED

WEll, it's pretty fast for him to be placing ads, but if he is looking for love through a service, then I doubt he's getting any from x lover.

Anyway, sounds like he needs reassurance that he's an attractive, worthy man that a woman would want. He needs that confirmed from other women-- including x lovers, and including strangers he meets through dating service. Hmmmm, sounds like he doesn't want to greive you, doesn't want to process your relationship-- just wants to move on.
Figures it's over.
Been there, done that. I'm about to do it again. I mean, if it's over, what left is there to say? What is left to feel? Nothing. Might as well move on. If it's over, it's kaput. There's nothng you can do. No romancing is going to change a person's heart. If the pain has been enough, the trust won't be there, and trying to trust again is too long of a process when there is someone we can just start over with.
At least that is my philosphy.
Like I heard in a rap song "Went from x girl to next girl...."
Anyway, I'm guilty of pushing him away and regretting it-- saying "adios" without trying to understand, and then having to deal with the consequences of my hasty actions.
I'm learning. But if he was seeing an x lover, well, I don't see that there's room in marriage for seeing x lovers, even platonically. So, maybe you are better off without him, and he knows this?
Just what I'm wondering.
Lucy

I thought it was pretty fast to place an ad too.
Most of the personals don't restrict dating sites to those who are single. That's unfortunate and sad in fact most people on these sites are married or "separated" meaning they won't give their marriages a chance or don't have the testicular fortitude to leave, or the money. Actually it was both our idea to meet at a place that was neutral, he is coming from out of town.
I got pretty angry with him about the ex lover/friend thing. He is adamant that I overreated to this stuff, but he didn't admit to it and I found the stuff. If she was just a friend than he should not have had a problem introducing us or bringing us together somehow.
But at any rate perhaps I should just call off the meeting. I go through periods when I miss him and want him back, but then I go through all the pain he's put me through and then I don't. I guess this is all part of the dance leaving. It is so painful. I actually feel guilty because I am not sure what it is I am looking for him to say to me, there is nothing he can say to me actually that's how deep the pain is. I suppose I just wanted to see him one last time. I have to be honest; for the last few years I have just been angry with him, and found it hard to treat him the way I wanted. But how could I when he was internet surfing? I know he needs a lot of attention and good feelings from women, he has no men friends, but why couldn't I be enough for him intimately?

You have only been married 12 weeks and it sounds like you didn't have a good foundation.

I totally disagree with Lucycakes comments. They go against the MB principles. Read the concepts on the website. There are ways to make your H fall in love with you again. I highly suggest intensive marriage counseling.

And though I don't know why your new husband is living away from you, the MB counseling is over the phone and can be done even if you aren't in the same location.

You can only change you, and it's up to you to take action to restore your short marriage.
So what are you going to do?