Top 8 Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say



8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohh, this diamond is way to big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends."
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!

Uh Oh. I think I better go have my testosterone levels checked!!!!!! I'm guilty of saying four out of the eight!

C'mon GG, now your leaving things to my imagination, so let's see you've said 8, 5, 4, & 1?

10 Things Men Won't Say


10. Let's watch Lifetime!
9. Sex is overrated.
8. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
7. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
6. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
5. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
4. My hips are too big.
3. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
2. Does this suit make me look fat?
1. I'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.

LH, I plan to leave it up to your imagine and others!
However, I'm not even sure what number one means. So, it's a safe bet I've never said it. Why would I want someone to pull my finger?

What, Exactly, Are Cats?


1. Cats do what they want, when they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. They whine when they are not happy.

5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.

6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

8. They're moody.

9. They leave their hair everywhere.

10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.

LH- Leave you alone on thursday's--sure enough it turns into a " sly fox& hound"---dog's" day charged afternoon for you! lol

Us ladies ain't takin the cat scratch d-bait on that one. Bye the way--be a good dog today,don't forget to change the kitty litter box---Now!lol

Here Kitty Kitty...............

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How to Impress a Woman/Man


HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
bring beer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Addin this one-my kids gave me! Amusing- Kids today are way ahead in understandin the keen humor-levelin out the cat/dog playin field of relationships.


What do you want?
I think you are stubborn
I think i can't stand the way i like you
I think i get angry because i don't think you want me the way i want you
I think you are everything i want
I think your are everything i don't want
I think you need to make a decision
I think i need to make a decision
I think we could be very happy
I think i could be very miserable
I think we would be content
I think you're still hurt
I think I am still hurt
I think I am that person to fix it
I think I am wrong
I think it will never work
I think I will be always wanting in
I think you will always be wanting out
I think I will always want you out
I think you will keep trying to push away
I think you may try
I think I might try
I think we will fail
I think we will both end up hurt
I think we see what we don't want in each other
I think we see more things that we do want in each other
I think we always want more
I think everyone will expect more
I think you drive me crazy
I think I hate that you can drive me crazy
I think I like that you can drive me crazy
I think you think I'm crazy
I think you like that I'm crazy
I think I like that I'm crazy

LH-as for lap trap kat calls.... Milk wks better- does the body good! Every Kat worth it's boots--knows that one! lol... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Reason why every "dog" should visit his nearest poker playing vet------- get into the game of neuter& spayeds-!

Hands down proceeds keeps the population& rabies down. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Find a nice bone& nice corner to sleep in! PS--Where on heaven's earth is that nice collar&leash you wearing the other day?!?! lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Few Thought on Men?


If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

Lead men not into temptations- they can find it themselves.

Difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

Men should come with directions!

Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river!

Conclusion: Cats are small women in fur coats.


rrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?" asks the son.

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kind of pen1ses are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, it's like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" the daughter asked.

"Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by bleubelle:
<strong> "Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Oh My Goodness, ROTFLMAO...... Touche!!!! So what does that make a Christmas Tree on Viagra? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I love that one!

Hmm. I wonder if B. would find it funny. Do jokes about aging penises count as disprestful judgements? Especially since I'm in the pear stage. If my boobs ever hit my waist, I going for the knife.

“””Do jokes about aging penises count as disrespectful judgments?”””

I guess it depends if they’re rooted out of fact or fiction. I, personally, have a hard time believe that I’ve entered “Birch” stage. Maybe I still feel like an “Oak” that’s been over watered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

“””If my boobs ever hit my waist, I going for the knife.”””

Hey, make sure you keep that knife away from “B’s” Christmas Tree… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> … I had a Great Aunt that I remember seeing and I swear she tucked her boobs into her socks. Mom told me that for laughs the Aunt would sling them over her shoulders and they’d actually stay there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

GG, mine hit the waist long ago.

Newly, that's not comparing apples to apples. Or even apples to oranges. That's comparing apples to ... cantalopes?

When I was young I drooled over large firm cantaloupes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> with an appreciation for a crisp apple <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> every now and then. As I’ve matured, I find that I thoroughly enjoy the softer fruits <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> such as pears. When I’m old and gray I’m quite sure that when I’m baking I’ll be using the fruits that look very aged, but sometimes those have the best flavor <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

<small>[ November 11, 2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: LostHusband ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Newly, that's not comparing apples to apples. Or even apples to oranges. That's comparing apples to ... cantalopes?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GG I believe you may be selling yourself short!

Maybe more like <<<nevermind>>>

Hey, whoever sold us on the idea of bras was obviously not a well-endowed woman. They've only been around about 65 years. Weren't we good enough then? Why do we really need these things? Other than we don't get so sweaty under there when we have them on. And they don't jiggle so much with them on but, at my size, I don't think there really is a comfortable bra.

What man would wear a jock strap all day, every day?