My H and I had a talk tonight. It appears he's still intending on the divorce. Things have been nice btween us this week, and not like the conversation ruined it, but ... well, I guess I wasn't expecting him to be having second thoughts, but hearing it again-- well, I guess you all know.
I don't know what I really want to say here, and rather then spew something I don't necessarily mean just to process it, I will just say that over the last couple of days I find myself thinking about the man I was dating before I met my husband.
It's not like I want to call him, but I would like to know what happened to him.
I seem to recall him as being very sweet and having a big heart and resiliency-- traits I really find endearing.
I liked him right fine and was comfortable with him, and we had chemistry-- what was it that made me drop him?
ugh!
I'm sure it was something.
O yeah, he was talking about buying a motor cycle and a wolf dog, and leaving town. Me with a 7 year old thought that just wouldn't work out with what I wanted out of life.
O well, live and learn.
Mostly, tho, I am not pondering my M's break up, or demise. I'm somewhat bored with the topic since it's been a broken record in my head for 2 years now.

I can't say I'm surprised we are divorcing. We weren't built to last, and not patient enough to give ourselves time to get any real skills.
Well, I guess we could have if I had been of the persuasion to "try before you buy"-- but I can't do that because I have a son, and anyway, I did that with his dad, and don't beleive in it for myself.
It's weird, you know, but my husband was worth it. Even if it wasn't right and only lasted 2 years, it's been worth it. He was worth it, and marriage was worth it.
I do'nt feel anything other than a certain sort of awe that I should be feeling this way. It is over, but it was worth it.
He's beautiful and I'm glad I got to know him, and I do beleive he's better for having known me. I didn't fail, because it never was going to make it and I knew that. But it was interesting, and full of adventure, and bascially, those make it worth it to me.
I still beleive in marriage.
On that note, I bid you good night.
Lucy

Hello everyone,
My feelings of gratitude are flourishing. We have had a lot of warm feelings and good thoughts. I feel like I can go on and not look back wiht any regret.
I came home from a small shopping spree and found a note from him asking if I want to go out tonight. We haven't been out since we qiut drinking 6 months ago. I"m not sure what it would be like-- going out to see live music without having beer, without knowing I"m there with the man I'm going be with for good- wihtoiut kniwing he's my partner- going out without our wedding rings on. And what if we see someone we know?
That's the only time its awkward for me now- is around people who may or may not know. I'ts not like it's going to be a secret, but I can see sadness and sympathy in their eyes, but at the same time, no one seems to have a opinion on the subject.
If I told my parents, which I will once the wheels are in motion, that we are planning on getting divorced, they wouldn't make it easy on me/us to do this. Of course they'd come around, but my H's parents are just like "O, that's too bad. Here, have some money in your time of need."
They don't confirm any values with him, they do'nt preach, they dont lecture, they don't do anything accept make it easier for him to do this. To me, they don't act like parents-- they act as if his values are his values, and who are they to try to impress values on another person? The kicker is they are both very Christian, so I know they have some values. They just didn't rear their son to share them.

My folks are going to accept it, and eventually will help me however they can, but in the meanwhile, they are also going to connect this event to a conflict in beleif system. "We could have gotten divorced a milloin times, but we didn't. You know why? Becuase we don't beleive in it. Times were hard. let me tell you, there were times I wasn't sure I'd stay alive if we stayed together, but here we are... 52 years and we've learned how to handle it. We have always kept in mind that no matter what, we love each other, and we committed to take the good times wiht the bad....I seem to recall hearing you and H take those vows, too. But I guess kids these days don't mean what they say. They don't think they should do anything that they dont feel like doing. Why should they? Heck, these days you can get married and divorced at the drop of a hat."
I can hear my dad already.
My mom will say "I know how it can be. It's work to be married. Guess you can try again later with someone else. HOw is our grandson taking it? Have you thought about him?"
You know, I'm looking forward to hearing all of it because I know it means they are rearing me with values that I care about-- that you don't just givve up, that you don't take a vow and then renig on it 2 years later....
But what can I do? My husband wants this, guess he needs it, I have hated how we've been, I want to be happy, I want him to be happy and this is what he wants. This is the only thing he sees.
I agreed to it because I was tired of fighting.
I was worn out and felt nothing but pain that needed to stop.
BUt I'm better now, I'm thinking about down the road, about investing my energies in someone who can see long term, and keep priorities straight, be more reasonable, who knows marriage is more than about big needs but day to day little things in a cellular level. Lifehas already blessed me with 2 very true love experiences with exemplary men that I didn't work out with-- my only hope, my saving grace and comfort to me now, is that I'll find someone yet again, and it will be even better and be built to last.
In the same breath, if my husnand comes home tonight and says he doesn't want a divorce, I'll sign us up for weekly counseling and I'll keep the frame of Mind I've had this last week -the parts about being good to him, about just getting along, about being friends.
Anyway, I am glad I have this site to come say all this to.
Thanks for listening.
Lucy

you are a very strong person. I can't believe how well you are taking all of it.

I wish you luck.

Lucy,

Reading your posts is breaking my heart. Your story is much like mine, and I think it hits a bit too close to home. I don't have any advice - if I did, I'd take it myself. I feel your pain, though, and feel your mixed feelings as well. I too suspect I'd give my H another chance, even though I told him I wouldn't. Which I had to do in order to convince myself to move on.

I'm glad to hear you think your M was worth it. That's a healthy attitude and one I wish I could also have. Maybe some day...