hey everyone =)...

i'm the new kid on the block ^_^"... i've been searching all over the web for the past couple of hours for a forum that could offer some support for those going through marital issues, and finally (and luckily) came across this site. i'd like to tell my story, and i hope those of you that have time will kindly respond =). God knows i need all the support i can get =(... (sorry, i know this is gonna be long =\)

first of all, i'm a navy wife (hardest job in the navy, right? ^_^"). i've only been married since march of this year, but things have been going so terribly between me and my husband that we're already progressing towards separation and quite possibly even divorce =\. maybe i should reach back a bit further...

my relationship w/ my husband initially started out as a long distance relationship. we had "met" over the phone via a mutual friend, and became pretty good friends for almost a year. eventually, we got closer and a relationship evolved. we had been "dating" for about 3 mos. bfore we actually met in person; he was on the west coast and i was on the east. we hit it off pretty well, and due to some family issues i was having later that year and being "so in love", i eventually decided to leave my home and move in w/ him-- so i did so after 9 mos. of courtship in december 2003 with intentions of "eventually" getting married. i guess now would probly be a good time to mention that we both were 20 when this all happened =\. (i know... what was i thinking, right?)

at any rate, after living w/ him for about a month or two, i started to have some serious doubts about the relationship. he seemed to be becoming more aggressive. i rethought the idea of getting married, wanting to postpone for at least another year, but he was being transferred overseas in july, so i needed to make a decision right away. and of course i chose what i thought to be the most "secure" option: get married. i mean, don't get me wrong, i did love my husband, but if given the chance, i would've preferred to wait a bit longer to REALLY get to know him... but now we're overseas and things have just gotten worse =(...

i'm not sure if the behaviors i'm about to list are forms of abuse, but this is what my husband has done to me so far:

-- when i used to try and leave my house to cool down from an argument, he would go to extreme measures to stop me. ex: stand in front of the door, put concrete blocks behind my car, pull out my car spark plugs, air out my tires, run in front of my car when i tried to drive away

-- he's called me a "b*tch", said i wasn't a "good wife", that i should "check into a mental hospital", that he "should've locked [me] up when he had the chance" (in regards to an act i directed towards myself out of frustration towards him), denies me my ethnicity becuz i couldn't understand my native language as well as he could (i was raised in the states)...

-- one time he upset me so badly emotionally that i got out of the car when we were stopped at an intersection, and when he didn't return for me until three hours later, he said it was my fault bcuz i got out of the car

-- he's locked me out of our house, which is owned by MY grandparents, resulting in me having to sleep at my relatives' place

-- he's taken my stereo deck out of my car numerous times, stating that he bought it, so it's his (among other things)

-- he rags on me for not having a job when he initially told me he was fine w/ me not working. and after i'd applied for jobs and wasn't hired, he'd imply that i wasn't trying hard enough (as if i had any control over those that had the power to hire me)

****

the list goes on! right now we're living in separate houses (I'M the one that had to leave), and he hasn't bothered to call or shown any interest in talking things through. right now i'm just waiting to leave this place and fly back home on dec.7th, which was a trip initially meant as only a "break", but my husband's disregard for me is starting to change the duration of my stay. i called him earlier, and our mutual "girl" friend answered the phone, and when i attempted to speak to my husband, he said he didn't wanna talk to me right then. after a moment of silence, and without saying anything else to me, he handed the phone back to our "friend" (who is more so his friend than mine; they went to high school together) and went back to playing his video game. i hung up w/ her, and all of a sudden i just started bawling my eyes out! i couldn't believe the man i had sacrificed EVERYTHING for-- my job, my school, my friends, my family, my HOME-- was treating the whole situation as if it were no big deal, as if i was just some girl he cared nothing about.

so i guess the final question is this: are all these instances enough grounds to get a divorce? i know this may seem rhetorical, but i would really like some input. i mean, i still do love him and want to be w/ him... but just not like this. i find myself blaming everything on me, feeling like i failed this whole relationship somehow. i dunno if that's a result from him putting me down, but i can't help but feel like i'm the weaker one just giving up =(. please give me some insight other than i'm stupid and/or was too young to be getting married in the first place so serves me right. i think i do enough self-beating to make up for everyone... i'd just really like to hear from someone who may have been through the same thing or might have some sort of optimistic outlook on such a bleak situation...

thanks in advance,

brokenangel9