today I am having lunch with my WH he is out of the house and tells me his A is over but needs time to figure himself out. Do I give him a time limit ( he's been out for 5 weeks,) I am very lonely and want him to come home. The tought of spending the holidays without him really eat me up. I miss everything about him, but I feel the way we are going now is nothing more then a slow death, he needs to decide if I am worth it. Or is his undeciding my ansewer. We've been together 26 years married for alomst 22, have three kids 19, 17, 13. he"ll be 45 soon and I think he's going through a mid life crisis, but how long do I hold on. Also I feel I was right in telling him his A was not my fault... someone please give me adivice lunch is in two hours....

Sorry I just saw this. You probably already went to lunch. Have you read the concepts on this web site? That's the first thing. Next you should read Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley. And maybe Should I Stay or Should I Go? How a controlled separation can save your marriage.

Hugs.

I am on my way to lunch now, thanks for responding, I never thought I'd be asking for advince from people I don't know, but th web site has really been a help I just feel like begging him to come home but I know thats worng. Don't know how to get past the hurt. I'll let you know how it went.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he needs to decide if I am worth it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This statement is 100% correct. He needs to decide but you also need to BE worth it. The only way you can do that is to be desireable.

A begging, pleading, loney person is not desireable. A stong self-confident person is.

Show him what he's realy missing. He'll WANT to be with YOU for the holidays.

WIWH

Great advice so far.

Do yourself a favor and take the time for him to really see what it is that he wants and for the right reasons. Yes we all want our WS's to see the light and realize what an idiot they were for what they've done and what they lost or could lose. But you or I can't make them see it. Only they can. I am divorce and my ex-ws already got involved with someone else and is now seeing the light. Not so much about what a good wife that he lost but more of a true light of himself. Although it hurt like heck when he told me he was already going to start dating, now I can see that him getting involved with someone just like himself was the only thing that would of ever "opened his eyes". He talks about us getting back together as a family again (and yes, I would like to be a family again) but I really think it is best he is on his own before anything like that could happen for us. I know you are lonely and want him back with you but don't rush things.

I also meant to say that I hope your lunch went well and that just because he's out of the house doesn't mean you still can't have the holidays together. Keep posting for support and remember things happen for a reason.

To late for lunch, but having been on both sides of this fence I might have a few things for you to keep in mind.

The time limit is a good idea, but Im not sure I would tell him what it is just yet. Yes you want him home, but pushing more then likely isnt going to work.

WishIWereHome has great advice. Let him see a strong person