I was talking to a friend of mine who has divorced in the most rational manner possible. The daughter is in my Girl Scout troop, the mom coaches my daughter at softball and like many people, I didn't even realize they were D for nearly a year. I suspect he was a WH.

This couple works together so well. They've set some good boundaries. We have an angry, unblended family at our school that is textbook case on how not to handle divorce. My friend said she and her X decided they would NEVER be like that. She said one of their rules is that OPs aren't allowed around their 3 kids. They have a joint custody situation where each person has plenty of time in their lives for OP. As parents, they have a rule that only parents can attend their kids functions. They save each other seats. She says they have a good chuckle about the "bimbos of the month" that turn up at school plays, games, concerts on a rotating with some dads. She says that if one of them does remarry and the kids want the new S present, then it will be okay.

I am heartened by people like this. They may not have kept married but they've provided a stable environment for their kids. She says her relationship with DH is actually strong than when they were married! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Carol, that's a great example of making the best of a bad situation. Thanks for sharing. Hopefully, it will help some of us here figure out ground rules for being divorced.

I especially like the idea that no OP to be going everywhere with the kids. However, at some point, OP needs to be introduced to the children. Too often, OP becomes Step-Parent before realizing he/she can't stand the stepkids or vice versa.

Then it becomes a no win situation.

HC,

I think that is a great way to coparent the kids. I hope to have the same thing in my D from WH. He also has an OC so I want the same as well or at least until our children are old enough to understand this. Fortunately he says that he wants the same from me so hopefully we can swing it.
Although I think this D might get ugly we have always agreed 100% on that one point! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I hope he doesn't lie about that as he did in the M.


JT

As JT2 said,

STBXW and I are also looking at the same type of relationship but D may turn it ugly. We are trying hard to keep things friendly for the benefit of the kids. Thats why D has already dragged on over a year. Niether of us want to do anything without an agreement or hurting the other.

It's hard to do but I hope we can keep the friendship that we have had for sooooo long. Not just for the kids, but also because we have been best friends for so long.