Does anyone know how a divorce in Texas works? How does Child support get divided? What about the "OC"? What if OW files for support first? I feel I need to file for divorce just to secure my son's future! Does this make sense? And if you guys dont know my story here it is in a nutshell.

H had A...ended it MANY TIMES <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Supposedly we are in Recovery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
OW is pregnant, due Feb/March
OW is single mother who lives with HER mother
Not sure if I want this child in my life or not
H doens' think *I* will ever get past the A (last I checked, I was the one making my OWN decisions)
We are trying to reconcile, but really dont think it will work
I need to move on...with or without him...

Thanks!

Hi M23B,

I've been waiting to hear from you although I thought it would be on the other board (preg & child). I hope that you saw the responses you have gotten since the show aired. I must say I admire you so for going on the show. I don't want to repeat my post, but you can read it on the other board.

I must say I am surprised to see you on this board, but find myself here as well. I know exaqctly what you are going through I live your pain as well. OC was born in August for me and H is still living there.

I am fed up with the lies and the going back and forth = having his cake and eating it too!! so I have decided to take care of me and my kids. Plus he will never change because he literally sees himself as being the victim. I think Ed has somewhat that same mentality about what he has done to you.

I agthered this by his comment of "he was headed out of the marriage when he started with the OW" and my response was just as yours "Why not leave the M first"?

I don't know anything about Divorce in TX, but am praying for the best for you and your kids. Always remember that "You reap what you sow"!!

Standing there beside you,

JT

MT3B --
Consider filing for legal separation so that you send a clear message to Dad that you are willing to reconcile if he is willing to be a caring and loving husband and father.

Cherished

I'm here in Texas. I believe the support is based on 20-25% of the net income of the non-custodial parent. Or you can try and agree on something through mediation. My EX and I have joint custody with me named as custodial parent. We alternate weeks with our son for now and there is no child support per say. I cover the cost for him when I have him and she covers the costs when she has him. Although it does say in the decree that her child support to me is covering him on her health insurance. Normally we split costs on co-pays, perscriptions, etc. We were lucky enough to agree on everything. Once the visitation changes though I'm not sure how we will handle it. I probably won't ask for any support from her, just keep doing it the way we are.

Hi M23B,

I am a Texas Lawyer, and this info in no way establishes an Attorney/Client relationship.

If you divorce, with three children before the court, and another child for whom your H will have an obligation to support, your H must pay 27.38% of his net income to you as child support. This is from the Texas Family Code. Whether the OW lives with her mother or not is of no consequence, the statutory percentage is presumed to be in the best interest of the child. In Texas, there is no legal separation, you are either married or divorced.

If you are considering divorce, contact your county bar association or the State Bar of Texas website for a referral in your area. You can probably get a consultation for a minimal fee. You really need the advice of a lawyer before making any decisions in this area.

Mom:
This board is a wonderful source of information, advice, and support. However, there is no reason for you to rely on it for legal advice. Make an appointment with a family lawyer. You can make clear that you plan to do your part to work on your marriage and avoid divorce, but you want to know your options should divorce be unavoidable and you want to safeguard your children's future.

Mom --
I am now preparing for legal separation.

Last week, I read about an HBO story about last letters home from Marines killed in Iraq. Part of the program was about the emotional trauma of having the Marines visit the homes of relatives (parents, spouses) of the deceased Marines to inform them of the death. One person said something about how it was the lightest knock, she knew immediately, she wouldn't opened the door, finally she did and then she wouldn't let the Marines in...it was as if by not opening the door or not letting the Marines in, she could prevent the death of her loved one.

I read that and I realized that my reluctance to work on filing for legal separation was my way of saying this wasn't going to happen, just like the person who wouldn't open the door in some way thought that the death of the loved one wouldn't happen.

It needs to be faced. It's hard, but it needs to be faced. My H is now willing to work on the MB program (as of Monday). He's on his last chance before I file for legal separation, and I told him that if we go to legal separation I will want a therapist to let me know that he truly is willing to work on our marriage. It won't be his telling me that he wants to because that's what he's been saying all along, along with "You need a forgiving heart" and "You'll never get over this"...

I deserve better. So do you.

Cherished

P.S. My straight A 5th grade daughter just got 2 C+s and 2 B+s. I owe it to her and the other three to end this circus now.

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Cherished:
<strong> MT3B --
Consider filing for legal separation so that you send a clear message to Dad that you are willing to reconcile if he is willing to be a caring and loving husband and father.

Cherished </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We dont have legal seperation in TX...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My straight A 5th grade daughter just got 2 C+s and 2 B+s. I owe it to her and the other three to end this circus now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My straight A 3rd grader got an 85 in math! I know how you feel...

I am really at my breaking point. I am not using this board as legal advice...I am asking questions...I just need to know what my rights are...

IsItTooLate...Does it matter who files for support first. Right now my H wants to work on the marriage...we just need to figure out HOW and WHere to start that...BUT, what if down the line we find we cant save it and the OW has filed for support first...Will she get the majority of the money that is rightfully mine? II have been told that whoever files FIRST, gets more...

AS my H said last night...big difference in me and HER...Our three children were born to married parents out of love for each other..they were planned for...this child is being brought inot this world out of deception and lies. It was not meant to be...Get it? He will alsways be the boys' father...but just because he is the sperm donor of the other child, doesn't make him the "father"...My H will pay the child support out of obligation...only if prven his...I am seeking legal advice FYI!

Momto3Boys - I just read the doctor phil show today and I gotta say I have followed your story pretty much from the beginning everywhere and I gotta say you are really a strong person.. I am not sure most people would put up with all of the crap and the back and forth and what have you .. I know I made a decision early on in my roller coaster ride - that when he said he wanted a divorce I said fine because I could not and would not put my girls through anymore hell.. but with all of that said - I think that you can do a search on line about the child support in your state - I know that I live in Massachusetts and you can get a child support guideline worksheet on line - and there is a line in there - that simply states - any other support orders - so I think well in our state it is a pretty much who comes first basis.... Truly you should probably look into - and also most attorneys will give you a consultation free of charge the first time and you can go and have your questions answered. Good Luck....

Hi Mom2,

Is this the best place to ask/discuss these questions?

I believe that as BSs we go through our own turmoil of stay?/go?/stay?/go? like a WS does. The limbo is hell until the actions of BOTH spouses prove what our answer will be.

You're asking for divorce info in the same thread you posted this:
"AS my H said last night...big difference in me and HER...Our three children were born to married parents out of love for each other..they were planned for...this child is being brought inot this world out of deception and lies. It was not meant to be...Get it? He will alsways be the boys' father...but just because he is the sperm donor of the other child, doesn't make him the "father"...My H will pay the child support out of obligation...only if prven his...I am seeking legal advice FYI!"

Mom2, you know from experience how it impacts you if you're having a shaky day or feeling vulnerable and Dad2 expresses his confusion. The confusion for either of you won't go away until you both apply MB principles in a consistent and ongoing manner with no lapses, so this is something you both will have to deal with for a little while more (sorry).

Mom2, please reconsider your posting strategy, especially since Dad2 reads here also. I'm not saying that you shouldn't prepare and arm yourself in case divorce is the outcome; I'm suggesting that you use the MB forum(s) for marriage building issues only and deal with those other things somewhere that it won't hinder a very possible marriage recovery.

Take care Mom2 (and Dad2)

MT3B -
You can file for divorce and still have hope. You can tell him that it is up to him to work on being a caring and loving father and husband. You can give him conditions for reconciliation, which would include counseling until the therapist thinks he is ready to reconcile.

I am not allowing my H to have any negative impact on me. This morning, he tried to argue with me, and I just told him it was up to him and hung up. My care for him has deteriorated because of ongoing lack of consideration for me -- and Sophia is out of the picture (I think). I am responsible for protecting my feelings of care for him, and I think I can best do that by getting away from him if he wants to do what is negative.

Honestly, I could never have stayed in a relationship with him acting as your husband does. My guess is that Dr. Phil is going to give up on your H, turn to you, and ask you to live out a life of integrity by getting him out until and unless he straightens himself out.

A friend of mine told me that there are no moral dilemmas. You aren't in a moral dilemma. It's very, very clear that your H is not showing care to you.

Cherished

PS. You are not sending mixed messages by filing for divorce and being willing to work on the message. You are sending the clear message that you want to rebuild your relationship, that you want to be married, but he has to be a good husband to you.

Just saw the show -- we're in a similar place, I think. Reclaiming self-respect and integrity. Facing reality.

Cherished

M23B,

Here is a link you might want to read:

http://www.divorcesource.com/TX/ARTICLES/henderson1.html

Actually, this is information that will be important to you whether or not you get a divorce. If the OC is his, he will be obligated to CS, and you & WH may want to contact a lawyer now to be prepared...

If I read that page correctly, it sounds like CS is a standard amount, and the child gets that standard amount, whether the child is legitimate or not, unless the parents negotiate a different amount and the court agrees. And this link:

http://www.raggiolaw.com/txart02.html

give a table on what those amounts are.

I sure feel for what you are going through here. I was very grateful that my X and I didn't have any kids - I can't imagine how tough all this must be with children involved, given how hard it was without any!

MT3B -
If you have a chance, read my thread with Dr. Harley under conversation on the Private Forum. My care for Tom suddenly plummeted about 4 weeks ago, and now I realize that I am responsible for how I feel towards him, just like he is responsible for how he feels towards (F?)OW and me.

You still seem willing to work on the M. I think it would be best if you removed yourself, file for divorce if necessary, but remove yourself before you get to the point that you kick him out and it is final and you aren't going back no matter what.

Think about it. The OW is a single mother who lives with her mother, chased after a married man, and was willing to sleep in your house with your husband while you were visiting your dying father. She will bring your H plenty of grief if he leaves you for her. Let him go enjoy her, think he's got a splendid life, and then let her have an affair and let him see how it feels. Then he might be willing to come back and work on being a good husband and father to you. His treatment of you is appalling. The most interesting part of yesterday's show to me is the silent response of the audience and Dr. Phil to his saying he was the target taking everything for all the other men out there, as if his treatment of you is typical. It's not typical. That's why your on the Dr. Phil show, because his treatment of you is so heinous that ir ia riveting.

Cherished