Help!!!!!!! I've been married 6 yrs. My husband was caught in a non-sexual relationship with another woman. Because of the fact that he did not allow it to become sexual I decided to try and make the marriage work. This happened 4yrs ago and I'm still suffering from it. I know that I love my husband and I don't want to leave him, however, my security and trust have been broken and now I'm looking for him to replace those things. My husband is not the romantic type and now I'm craving the need to be "loved" because I need the security put back. What's worse is that I've gone into some type of withdrawal because I'm no longer sexually attracted to him and no longer desire to be affectionate with him. When we have sex I don't feel any type of emotion for him at all. I can't seem to feel the love that I once felt and I desparetly want those feelings to come back. I don't know what to do. I can't repair the damage if the feelings aren't there. I know it sounds crazy to desire to be loved my my husband and yet I don't feel anything for him. Is that mixed up or what? alshedi@netzero.net[/EMAIL] <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Help me please!!!!!!!

Hi--

I saw you posted a few days ago and no one responded, so I figure I'd say hi!

You might want to check out the infidelity boards, too, they are full of people going through just what you are.

My H had many emotional affairs during the first four years of marriage. The very last one turned physical as well, and we are now trying to work things out and deal with the child he produced from that affair. Arg.

Read the MB principles, see what you think, and lurk the infidelity boards for a while. I think you'll find a home--it feels really good just to rant and vent and let stuff out that other people can relate to!

Welcome
EJ

I would suggest 2 things:

prayer
counseling

they worked for me after a HORRIBLE time. My H's affair was with my best friend, and I was lied to for 6 years. That kind of betrayal by 2 people you love is very hard to take. I know it's hard, but don't give up.

It could very well be that the depression is causing you to feel 'nothing.' My MC told me that you can't feel anything positive when you're depressed, you only see the negative.

Good luck and keep posting

alshedi: I am not the romantic type, either, and my wife eventually had an affair. Reading "Surviving An Affair" by Harley provoked us to take the Emotional Needs Questionaire available on this web site. It was the key to the beginning of our recovery. I am still not "romantic" in the way she wanted me to be, but I make her feel special in ways that are comfortable for me. IMO, the whole idea about being romantic is making the other person FEEL how important, special and loved they are by you. This applies to men and women. Harley puts it in terms of "Emotional Needs". It sounds like neither of you is meeting the other's emotional needs. Unmet emotional needs lead to vulnerability for an affair, and lack of feelings of love for your spouse.

Before you take the ENQ, make sure to read the "Emotional Needs" section of the web site, starting here: Emotional Needs

There are also some great articles on the subject in the Q&A Columns section of this web site.

Thanks to everyone that replied. First I want to say that you all should be commended for even considering reconciliation; that says a lot about your character and you all sound like wonderful individuals. I have read the book "Surviving An Affair" and it has been helpful to me and I've addressed some things as far as myself is concerned. My H doesn't like to read much so it's usually myself that's looking for the answers. My H and I come from a religious background and over the past week we made a promise to each other that we would try harder. He's been extremely nice to me which has made me feel beeter. I still feel myself hiding behind my shell but I'm certainly still going to try to break thru. Your comments have certainly been helpful and I plan on taking use of them. I really wish you all the best and I hope for continued success for all of us. I certainly could use your thoughts so please K.I.T. I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />