I don't think I'll have to much trouble with Christmas this year (though I could be wrong I suppose) -- WH never put much thought into the holiday and never really cared either way if we decorated the house or even celebrated. He was out shopping for me the day before and never, ever "got into" the spirit and meaning of the season. So, all in all, he just added aggrevation to an otherwise joyful time of year.

This year I'll be with my family - those that truly love me - and don't have to worry about splitting the time between his family and mine. So - I'm looking forward to a relaxing few days. (as well as packing up my stuff and moving into my own apartment to get away from my crazy, serial cheating WH)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by L.I.T:
<strong> DejaVu,

I apparently didn't really write my thought clearly. I hope you didn't take offense to what I said - I sincerely didn't mean to imply that what you did was incorrect.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to worry - that thought never crossed my mind. You did, however, make me think about differences between people, how we process things differently, and how we move on differently (or not as the case may be). My H and I have been talking lately along these lines - he keeps asking me questions about the past and how I feel about it... I can't relate to those questions as spending time in the past (for me) is incompatible with moving on. At least right now.

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess the only real difference is that I have to place myself back in that position to look at the moment....and then move forward from that place. I have a tendency to emotionally "tag" a lot of things. An example - I can hear a particular song by the Cranberries, and it can still to this day, elicit the tiniest bit of sadness because it was attached to the memory of my first love - 12 years ago!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I can relate to this too. In fact, I lost out on the first rental house I wanted because when I drove past it, it was too close to the first house H and I lived in together, so I stalled on calling. By then someone else had made a tentative offer first - and though they showed it to me anyway, it was with the understanding that I'd only get it if the other guy backed out. And of course he didn't back out. BUT it was not as nice as the house I just bought, and the rent was the same as my house payment will be - so in the end, it worked out for the best. Maybe these little reminders have a purpose other than to just distract us![/QB][/QUOTE]

"I just get to a point where I need recovery instead of mourning. I think moving on IS recovery for me"

You know, DejaVu, I'm very much the same about moving on. It worries my sister, who takes longer to process her feelings. But 25 years with WH or no, I've got to start looking forward. And, although I still hurt in the present, what I'm seeing for the upcoming year is strangely exciting. For the first time in years, I won't be a prisoner to his highs and lows.

I'm heading out for a trip to S.C. tomorrow ... then back to Dallas next week (HI L.I.T! Inside LJB in North Dallas) to see my mother-in-law before we fly to Colorado for Christmas. I think I'll be exhausted when I get back home. If I don't chat before Christmas, please take wonderful, tender care of yourselves. Do what you want. Don't do what you don't want. I don't even have a wreath on the door, but that's just sheer laziness on my part. I'm thoroughly enjoying everybody ELSE's Christmas spirit.

You guys take care!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by gettingthere:
<strong> But 25 years with WH or no, I've got to start looking forward. And, although I still hurt in the present, what I'm seeing for the upcoming year is strangely exciting. For the first time in years, I won't be a prisoner to his highs and lows. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You GO GIRL! Have a great trip, and a great Christmas. There's something to be said for not having to take down the decorations and drag the tree out to the trash.

Good Topic. I thought I was recovering nicely from WW's affair, the Divorce and being alone at home for the first time in over 20 years. But, this holiday season has me down. I still miss what we had and I grieve for the good times we will never have as a family.

Oh, well, I hope the first Chrimstas is the hardest. I don't want to have to go through this again.

Hi Justin,

Hang in there. I'm staying VERY, VERY busy doing things I didn't do before. It helps. And I don't watch sappy Christmas stuff on TV. That ALWAYS helps.

And I've taken to listening to Maria Callas arias. Look, those operas are SERIOUS about pain, death and suicide.....which makes my pain over my WH seem just a little bit small. And less painful every day.

Take care of yourself! Christmas will be over soon.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I don't think I'll have to much trouble with Christmas this year (though I could be wrong I suppose) -- WH never put much thought into the holiday and never really cared either way if we decorated the house or even celebrated. He was out shopping for me the day before and never, ever "got into" the spirit and meaning of the season. So, all in all, he just added aggrevation to an otherwise joyful time of year. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You just described my XH perfectly!

Last year was very difficult for me because his A was in full swing but he was still physically residing at our house, though he was rarely around. I was in the middle of an infidelity-induced starvation diet and had zero energy, and thus zero Christmas spirit.

This year, although I'm a bit lonely and it seems dumb sometimes to decorate just for the dogs and myself (one kid in college and the other is out running around with friends all the time), but I have my Christmas spirit back.

And I've realized over the last couple weeks as I've lit the outside of the house and finally this weekend finished the inside, too, and all the while done it with Christmas tunes playing and spicy candles burning and all....

My XH would have sucked all the Christmas pleasure out of things had he been here. This is not to say that I hate him at all. Just that he has no Christmas spirit, no birthday spirit, no anything spirit. I always planned, decorated, purchased, coordinated, baked, etc. It was all just an inconvenient bother to him.

LL

great topic, I think its been on everyones mind, especially if its the first one! (it is for me also)

Im pretty much alone in a foreign country that Ive made my home, Im making sure that I surround myself with great friends who know where I am and my history its the next best thing to having family around. Im looking at next year as turning over a new leaf and a chance to recover and rebuild so am looking forward to that. I have so many happy memories around this period with the ex-w, (Im one for great xmas tradition) so I do get pangs of sadness, but I make sure I recognise them as that, and try and snap out of it when I sense them, I dont think Im ignoring them, just knowing that their there and adjusting your thoughts to thinking constructivly and positively I feel does help..
Surround yourself with love, family and friends and you will make it through.
(I know its not the same, but you have to make the best out of any situation you are dealt)

seasons greetings and hugs to you all..

This post I can relate to...this is my first year being alone after being married for 5 years...My plans are to just hang out by myself and maybe spend some time in prayer and maybe watch some football. I've been invited to the STBXs with her fiance, her mom's and other places, but for me-the most healing comes when I can spend some time alone. I like what CJ brought up-time to make some new traditions! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> VERY COOL THOUGHT! Do it YOUR way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I didn't do any decorating, nor do I plan to this year. This is just a year to really reflect. My STBX told me on 27 Dec last year that she was leaving me and then left in March. After the rollercoaster ride started slowing down, I found some peace in the fact that I'm single now-I get to come and go as I please, I can burp, fart, read, play games and whatever else I want to do all day if I want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Sure, I get lonely and sometimes miss my 4 year old, though I get to see him every other weekend. But, in general, I'm a MUCH MORE relaxed happy person than I was when I was married. I'm too far in the game to really get all emotional about my situation-divorce will be final in about a month and strangely enough, STBX and I are on really good terms. Same with me and her man. Frustrating at times, but you know what-there is someone BETTER for me out there. God is an AMAZING source of strength in times like these-don't forget that. All y'all, have a MERRY CHRISTMAS.