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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 470
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I just received documents for DV court hearing. The date is on my WW birthday, so she'll either be happy or sad, not sure which. I was hoping the paperwork would get lost and eventually WW would come back. I've prayed for a sign or something, so I guess this is it...

WW and Ds are down in Florida enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday with WWs parents and grandfather. I don't know whether to tell WW about the paperwork, it could either make her visit more enjoyable or less enjoyable, I really don't know which.

I guess its about time for me to move on anyway... Its been quite a while now... I still have feelings though and it hurts....

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 135
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Sorry to hear you are so down. It sounds like it is indeed time to let go and move on.
This might sound strange, but I think I"ll be somewhat glad for it when the paperwork finally comes. Right now there's a lot of grey area, and hope springs eternal, as they say. Once the paperwork is in, the divorce is legitimately going forward and I can start planning a life. Right now, I'm not sure what to do, and my plans are hinged on What if's and Maybe's.
I heard once that letting go is actually the easiest thing to do when you think of your hand holding on to something, and then releasing it. It's simple- just relaxing, releasing, losening the fingers and dropping it....
Maybe say to yourself, or pray, that whatever keeps you from doing this simple act is no longer stronger than your need for happiness and the time has come to let go.
Affirmations and prayers do help, I am convinced.
LC

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
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lost-without-her,

I've been thinking along the same track as you lately. I'm getting ready to file but don't know if I should wait until after holidays or not. Like you I'm not sure if she will see it as a good thing or a bad thing.

It may be just what she wants for XMas or it may ruin her holiday <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

Joined: Jul 2003
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lucycakes, I still feel lost in this. Even though DV is looming closer by the day, I feel there is a lot of unresolved issues. I still have feelings for my W and still wish we could work through this. I know DV will give me some closure but its not the closure I really want. I've never wanted the DV, but I can't keep letting it hold me down. I hope you find happiness when the time comes for you...

WishI WereHome, if you feel that DV will bring 'you' down during the holidays, why not put it off a little longer. I don't know how long you've been going through this, but I can tell you that your Ws affair will end...eventually. Are you willing to hold out and see what could come of that or are you ready to move on? As I posted above, I don't really want a DV but I've held out for a year and 4 months. Things are turning bad for WW, and DV paperwork came at a bad time. The original paperwork was submitted about 6 months ago, but is just now getting to court. I wish I could withdraw the paperwork, but I'm not gonna stop it this time. If she wants to work things out, she'll have to withdraw the paperwork. I do want closure, one way or another, either the DV, or a commitment from her to work through reconciliation. The ball is in her court now. I hope that when you decide to file, you are sure that's what you want. I hope you the best and hope your holidays will be bright. It can be even without your W. Take care...

Joined: May 2004
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WishIWereHome & lost-without-her,

As considerate as you two sound about your other's feelings, I can't understand what went wrong in the first place. With all that's happend in the past five years for me, I think if I met a guy like that it would scare me so bad I wouldn't know what to do.
Right now my stress level hs reached it's peak and I had a seizure Monday due to stress and lack of rest. Just pray for me on that one and I wish the best for you both.

Sincerely,
Becki

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
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Becki,

Some of us are good people <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lost Without Her.

I don't think you're so lost any more. No more than I still Wish I were home. Fact is sometimes you can't stop a train so the best thing you can do for yourself is get the ride over with.

Filing is gonna be a downer for me no matter when I do it. I know that she probably intends to after the new year anyway. It may not be the best thing for me relationship wise, but there is no more relationship, just soem sort of wierd friendship. This is what she wants but I can't help but worry about what it will do to her holidays.(Something I have to stop worrying about)

My lawyer says I need to file before her. I'm doing whatever my lawyer says, as long as it isn't going to affect the welfare of my kids.

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jnb, I admit, I wasn't the greatest husband in the world. I probably wasn't all that bad either. My WW and I seemed to stop communicating and neither were meeting each others needs. I can understand her maybe wanting out, or at least change, but she should have gone about it differently. She had the choice to do it the right way or the wrong way. She chose the wrong way. People get hurt, bad hurt, when you choose to commit infidelities. I've never experienced any pain this bad before and I wouldn't want it to happen to anyone. She not only caused me great pain, but she also caused great pain to my kids. They had to see a side of me, a very emotionally distraught side of me, that I wish they would have never seen. Not to mention, she put OM before the kids. She chose OM over her husband, marriage vows, and worst of all, her children... So, yes, I am partially(half) to blame for the conditions that led to her affair, but she is the one that made 'that' choice....

WishI WereHome, you are right, there's no good time to file. I guess each one of us has his/her breaking point. We can't continue to wait forever. I don't blame you for wanting it to finally be over, to finally get closure. I can tell you one thing though, your WW is getting the worst end of the deal. She is losing more than she'll ever gain with OM... Take care

Joined: May 2004
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Hey you guys! I fanally figured out how to get back to this post. I looked for it all day yesterday (off and on) and then had to go on to other things.
It's nice to know there are a few good men left out there somewhere. I thought my soon-to-be-ex was. And from June of 2000 until October of this year I struggled and tried to get back the good feelings that had once been there for him. It still hurts that I've lost the things I did like about the relationship, but it's obvious that the good didn't outweigh the bad. I tried to believe as hard as I could. But when something isn't there, you can only fool yourself so long.
I'm hoping my attorney can at least have him pay for half of the bills that accrued whae we were married. I stayed at home the whole time and took care of things (sometimes it felt like I didn't get help with anything at all) and he worked. That was all he knew -WalMart management.
Right now there is too much running through my brain to stop and try to let it out. If I had someone sitting in front of me to look at and talk to I might be able to let it go. It all hurts too bad to start it on it's way out without some sort of support. The computer is nice, but it doesn't take the place of someone being there to catch you - a shoulder to cry on - when you start to fall.
I hope things go well for you both.
Right now everything's just a little blurry for me.
Take Care and God Bless!
Becki

Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
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You know, sometimes you don't have a lot of choices. I actually filed two weeks before Christmas. To the day. It was on now-x's birthday. He had moved out over 2 years earlier and made no obvious effort at working on his marriage. And I had just had an EKC because I felt so bad. Dr and I decided it was the stress and I had to do something to regain sanity and peace. That was the second time I had been in the dr's office with significant complaint.

I really couldn't have given x a better birthday present. Only thing is, I couldn't get the papers served that day. He got them a few days later. Our counselor served them for me. He said he didn't mind under the circumstances - and that it was the first time he had done so. I think he was glad I reached the letting-go point.

Joined: Jul 2003
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cinderella, so how's life since the DV. Did it get better? I'm still holding out hope, but the day is getting nearer... WW hasn't said anything, but it's like her to wait til the last minute. I guess I'll have to see what happens...

I hope things are going well for you. So, do you keep in contact with your ex. I just don't know what it'll be like being divorced... I've spent my whole adult life with my W. Well, except for the last year and 4 months...


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