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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 37
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 37 |
Last year my husband went away on a training course and after several months that were hard on our marriage he fell in love with someone else and had a sexual affair that lasted about 10 days, but emotionally for longer than that. Problem is that i have chosen to try to forgive him, because i truly love him and believe he is a wonderful person (not a dog), he made a very wrong choice and followed his emotions, i cannot stop thinking about them, the hows, whys whens. I obsess about what she looks like and everything. I can't say i trust him yet either, she lives in another province but i worry if there is any communication going on (he says no). He has tried to explain it to me but he is not even sure how or why-he thought he fell in love-enough that he thought of leaving me to be with her-how can i forgive that?? Over the past 4 months i feel like i have done a complete 180 and am back to where i was when i found out...Please give some advice-i don't want to hear opinions about what kind of person he is-i want to know how i can move on...
hope some one can help.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
Get and read 2 books: Surviving an Affair, & Torn Asunder. They contain most of the tools you need to get through this. A counselor CAN be very helpful, but there are some bad marriage counselors out there (see http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7100_counselor.html on this site). Surviving an Affair is especially strong in helping you diagnose the "Whys?", but can make you feel like it is your fault. It's not. Torn Asunder is also good, and has how-to's for both the betrayed spouse (BS) and the wayward spouse (WS). It gives the BS a little more room to express their pain and anger (respectfully), which can help witht he healing process, if not taken to excess.
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 36
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 36 |
Oh my god, i'm really with you on this. I thought i'd forgive and try to forget, but the OW is apparently a good friend now so am having my nose rubbed in it constantly, or so it feels like!! I really hope your going to get better, because that means if you can get better, then maybe I can too!! We can do it, she says!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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