Here's the short story. We have been divorced for about 3 months. ex WW now lives near OM and she probably will marry him next year. We have two adult children who live out of state.

She keeps sending me e-mails usually under the guise of something like "I thought you would liketo know that Mary Jane had her spleen removed". I barely remember Mary Jane and haven't seen or talked to her in 10 years.

There is no reason for her to contact me, except to ???? Make her feel less guilty?? Put on a good show for the kids??? Hurt me more???

What do you think?

<small>[ December 07, 2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: JustinExplorer ]</small>

she probably will marry him next year
Is this what she said? Or just what you "think"?

There is no reason for her to contact me, except to ????
Except that the "fantasy" of the affair is starting to crumble, as it always does.
It has nothing to do with the three reasons you listed.

Justin,

I think Chris is right on this one. She wants to reconcile but doesn't want to admit her wrongs.

I don't (necessarily) think she wants to reconcile.
Just that she is seeing the affair is not all it's cracked up to be and what she gave up.

She could possibly be thinking of reconciliation but I wouldn't hold my breath at this point.

wow.

In fogland, where my xh resides...he will try to contact me weekly...whether via email or via phone. It will be about son but sometimes he'll do something stupid. Like send useless emails about "faith" or something "inspirational" or will send some stupid jokes or something.

Now my xh married instantly after the d. I think it's his way of reconciling his behavior.

I mean, if they think you can be "friends" with them after their horrid behaviors, then it will be all right when they marry their affair partners and we'll all be dysfunctional buddies.

I don't think it's about reconciliation. It is about habits. I think they finally see their safe, comfortable person gone for good. This is, imho, a mild version of cake eating. If we are outta reach, then they have to further face the results of their behaviors.

In fogland, they want to believe their lies and deceptions were all JUSTIFIED. Yep. And in the end, if you can be pseudo-friends with your x, then the whole affair was justified. Why? Because everybody is still "friendly". Do not read much into it. I wouldn't. And when it happens to me, I do not.

My EXWW did and does the same thing. They would usually start out about something regarding our son such as wondering how he did the night before which I always thought as a way to get the communication going. Once that question was answered it would turn on to other subjects, joking around, mildly flirting, etc. This would go on mostly everyday, all day long. Even after her recent marriage she would do it. I asked her to stop a couple of times and it would get quiet for a couple of weeks and we'd be back at it. I told her before when we broke up (before email and our son) I didn't have to hear from her and it helped me to get over things but this wasn't helping. I believe it is all just a way to keep the hand in the cookie jar. I believe to it helps eliminate some of the guilt of what happened. The fact that I would talk and joke around must have meant that I didn't hate her, right? See, he's still my friend. All it did for me was build up my hopes that maybe there was still a chance. It's best to stay away from it if you can. Take the cookie jar away and put it high on a shelf. They want it more when they can't have it.

My emails have pretty much stopped now becasue I've chosen to stop them. It's better that way. I still miss her and am probably still in love with her to a certain degree but it does no good in the healing process.