Hello all. I'm usually on preg/child forum but I have a question that is probably better suited here! Any help is appreciated!!

I was wondering if in a divorce situation, can alimony be out of the equation if I filed for divorce on grounds of adultery? And, if you stayed some time after the adultery, would the judge frown on that- and say I should have left or something-- and still give the alimony to my H ?

I make 3X what my H does- and he has threatened to file for alimony during arguments. H has an OC, and, the child support judge actually asked him why he did not file for alimony. (He had surgery and is only making minimum workers comp. income now). She scheduled another hearing so that he could come up w/more income from ME-- grrrrr. What kind of world is this? What kind of judge, esp FAMALE encourages a cheating husband with an OC to sue the BS for alimony.

Anyway..... anyone have any idea or experience with this. I know every state is unique, but some things are standard- just as the wife's income is almost NEVER calculated in a H's child support payments to an OC.

Thanks !!!!

Seems it would depend on the state. Where I live, it's not. Alimony is more about economically rehabilitating the spouse in a lengthy marriage. Under 10 years (at least where I live) it typically isn't given.

I make 4-5x what my WW makes and she is not getting a dime of alimony.

TB

G,

The legal system is far from fair and right. Don't assume that just because it doesn't seem right is the way it is. Go consult a lawyer to find out what the situation is in your state.

I have a cheating wife, I'm taking care of the kids full time alone, AND I'm being taken to the cleaner for Alimony. How is that fair? But that's the way it is.

Miker

MIKE--

sick, sick sick... your blood pressure.. is it ok? I do NOT know how you and some people stay sane and don't resort to calling their Uncles Vinnie and Ralph like I'd want to. LOL If they made me pay -- AND when I have the KIDS too-- like you-- GRRRRRRRRRRRR oh I just dont want to go there..........

I know that the legal system STINKS 50% of the time. Was just curious of anyone's experience with this. I've only been married to H for 5 years- and he already has a 1 year old OC. Doesn't sound like a marriage primped for alimony to me.

Thanks!

So, Java, you were married for a short time, and that is why she gets no dimes from you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> So, Java, you were married for a short time, and that is why she gets no dimes from you? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Married 06/01/1996, so a bit over 8 years now.

TB

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> MIKE--

sick, sick sick... your blood pressure.. is it ok? I do NOT know how you and some people stay sane and don't resort to calling their Uncles Vinnie and Ralph like I'd want to. LOL If they made me pay -- AND when I have the KIDS too-- like you-- GRRRRRRRRRRRR oh I just dont want to go there..........

I know that the legal system STINKS 50% of the time. Was just curious of anyone's experience with this. I've only been married to H for 5 years- and he already has a 1 year old OC. Doesn't sound like a marriage primped for alimony to me.

Thanks! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ha ha... Yes it does suck and makes me mad but there is nothing I can do about it so I've just decided to accept it and move on.

Where I live duration of marriage is a big factor (mine was 10 years) and income difference is also another big factor.

The fact the one spouse was unfaithful doesn't have any "official" influence although I've heard if you can find some way of bringing it up in court it may help "sway" the judge to make a judgement in your favour. Since where I live alimony is strictly at the judges discretion.

In your case you would have to talk to someone familiar with the laws and judges where you live to find out what your situation is.

Good Luck!

Infidelity matters little in divorce or alimony.
The judge likely suggested it in the best interest of the child - nothing to do with you.

My X said he was going to file for alimony. But it was under 10 years, and his lawyer finally talked him out of it.

And if it is given these days, it's likely transitional (rehabilitative) alimony to get someone back on their feet. In your case, you can argue that your STBX can make X, but due to disability, he's only making 1/2 X, so that you want the transitional alimony based on his normal income of X, rather than on 1/2 x (but that you'd be willing to pay at the 1/2 X level for a short time). Appear flexible, and hope they consider his long term income when calculating alimony (and his CS).

The courts don't care about the circumstances, they just want to clear their dockets.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The judge likely suggested it in the best interest of the child - nothing to do with you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly... child has NOTHING to do with me... especially if we divorced... yet the "best interest of the child" would be for the child's father to take money from ME to pay for the child...

Be right back, I need to barf now! LOL!

Just teasing - in these "icky" situations- thats all you CAN do to get thru I suppose!

I'm amazed your H could take alimony from you and live with himself... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Amazing!

Married only 5 years and alimony is a possibility?
Can you say prenup next time?

Finding-- my H just spewed it out in an argument to p*ss me off royally.

He knows how SHAKEN AND ENRAGED I was when he told me about the child support judge wanting him to get $$ from me.

If a person can cheat on their wife and NOT use protection and THEN get someone else pregnant- WHAAAAT-- the alimony thing is CHILD'S PLAY!!! LOL. I don't think he'd do that-- he said he'd never do that (after the blow up)- Plus, he has too much manly man pride to be a guy who needs to sue the wife for money. Or at least in this ONE instance I pray his testosterone shines through!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> Finding-- my H just spewed it out in an argument to p*ss me off royally.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know what state we are talking about here but I know a couple who live in Massachusetts and the court considered the father's income and his new wife's income together when it decided how much child support to pay to the father's 2 sons who were living with his ex wife.

In Texas, they refer to alimony as 'maintenance' and limit it to a period of 3 years so that the spouse can 'rehabilitate' her/himself. There also must be a reason to award it, i.e. the person was a stay at home mom caring for the children, the person is disabled, taking care of a sick/disabled child. It is difficult to get under anything but the usual circumstances --SAHM of 20 years.

However, that is assuming you are filing a no-fault divorce. If you sue for divorce with grounds (mental cruelty, abandonment, infidelity etc.) ANYTHING goes! And the lawyers make out like bandits!!!

(Disclaimer: This is my understanding of the law here from what I have gleaned.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

In PA, adultery is a factor in alimony, but you must be able to prove it. Also, there are other factors that your stbx could raise to counter it. The 5-year length of marriage is on the short side for alimony, so that would be in your favor. It doesn't matter whether you filed fault or no-fault. It also doesn't matter if you stayed in the house after discovering his adultery, but ...

... there is a waiting period for divorce in PA, either 90 days or 2 years, and this waiting period can be reset if you have "relations" with stbx.

This is for PA. Like somebody else said, you have to check the laws in your own state.

If you are in a no-fault state, he may be able to get alimony from you. One of the problems with no-fault is that it rewards the wrong doers. Think about it, if there is no fault, then nobody did anything wrong, at least legally. It's just another sign of the times.

Your husband sounds like a jerk. Hire a good lawyer.