I’m in such pain!! A year ago I was in recovery with my W, ( d-day in Aug ’03 10 month A. discover 1 week later it’s her 2nd during our M) recently promoted and happy for the chance to make the M work. Then in January, loss after loss, pain after pain, trial after trial.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Jan ’04: Youngest son gets virus, nearly dies. While in hospital w tells me she isn’t sure about the M (has being secretly breaking NC)

Feb ’04: OM comes to visit W for first time in 6 mos. W begins the vacillation game (“I love you, I’ll stay.” “Wait! If you love me, let me leave”. “Hold on…I’ll wait until September and decide”, etc.

Mar ’04: Boss begins to pressure me about my lack of presence at job, W and I return to counseling where it’s suggested we work on opening W’s medical practice and raising the kids for 3 mos. w/o talk of divorce or reconciliation. W acts supportive of me during my job trials, promises to support us if I quit, then the next day tells the OM to call me to clarify some point I made about him.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> April: ’04: I crash. Depression so bad was placed in hospital for 2 weeks and medicated. While in, family and friends found out about A and OM. W tries to convince family and Dr's that I’m psychotic and then leaves our kids to fly to OM. I return to an emotional monster, who had divorce papers waiting for me.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> May ’04: W begins to flaunt OM and A. Talks to him in front of me. (Despite Dr.'s warnings)Tells people I’m emotionally abusing her.

June 28: W opens her medical practice on our 13th wedding anniversary to make the point of her goal to start a new life without me. The practice was built with my support, using business plans I developed, with our credit and my back (physically moving in).

July ’04: Mediation. W gives up house and 50% custody in order to exit marriage and avoid OM’s exposure in court. All she wants is him.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Aug ’04: W moves out with boys. The same night, youngest son, 2, gets sick AGAIN, this time with meningitis. Almost dies-AGAIN. Three days later divorce is final. xW calls everyone singing “I’m free”, “I’m free”. Week later, I’m accused and investigated for sexual harassment at work. By the end of the month, I’m being pressured to leave on account of my recent absences (due to court dates and son’s illness). Given 30 days to change.

Sept ’04: xW tries to make nice during my b-day. Depression becoming worse.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oct ’04: Told at work I’ve “out of the red” Best news in months

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Nov ’04: I get unilaterally transferred to a site 35 miles away with a job I don’t want. I find out that they planned to do this since Sept., if I didn’t quit. Told by my VP my current supervisor simply doesn’t want to work with me. Depression now crushing me.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Dec’ 04: At legal impasse with job. Not currently at work. I feel abandoned rejected and alone

Hard to deal with the fact that this year I was hospitalized, medicated, harassed, divorced, and transferred all against my will. My boss, my xW, friends, and even the OM have all told me that the decisions others have placed on me are good for them, so I should be happy. I AM SICK OF PAYING FOR OTHERS’ CHOICES! I’m trying so hard, SO HARD, to keep faith, feel worthwhile and rise from this. But trial after trial, pain after pain…

I've probably missed this in your posts, but why are you at a legal impasse and not working? I know going to the other job wasn't what you wanted, but wasn't aware you'd taken legal action. Just trying to get caught up here on what's going on.

As for the transfer, although it wasn't what you wanted, what if you gave it a try and actually found out it wasn't that bad? Would it be a lower-stress position? Sounds like you could use a lot less stress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And I worked for about 3-4 years once for a supervisor who I am convinced hated me. I ended up getting an "unofficial demotion" when the other three in my position were promoted to newly-created positions above mine. It hurt a LOT. I even asked him once if he was planning on firing me. A strange thing to ask, but I believed he was. His response was something like, "Do you think I should?"

At any rate, I don't think I'm a proud person in general, but I did learn a lot about humility. I stuck with something instead of quitting just to prove I would. It's been over 5 years now since he left our department and I've reported to three others since then. Things have worked themselves out and I am now set to get a job (actually with another company though through what I do at mine, and I've carefully gotten it approved by everyone) that I've wanted for a long time.

Point about the job stuff is this: Do you really want to continue working with a supervisor who doesn't like you? (And I'm not saying you've done anything do deserve his dislike--just that it is a fact that you have to face, just like I did). You have the opportunity to make a change and still not have to look for another job to do it. I would have had to quit and go elsewhere, so I stuck it out in my "demoted" position until my supervisor left.

Just my thoughts. Not trying to be cold. I can sense your pain and your frustration and your being at your 'wit's end'.

For the short term, treat yourself to a meal you really like tonight. Rent a movie or read a book and just kick back and relax and do your best to think of other things.

It has to get better!

LL

My WxW calls me today to talk about X-mas plans. she's a snice as can be. Then in passing she mentions that she would like to take our boys to Va. next month so they can see snow. Guess who lives in Va.

I'm not married any more but that hurts. Seems that she can go on with her life and have the dream, while I feel like I'm starring in the nightmare.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dleightonc:
<strong> Seems that she can go on with her life and have the dream, while I feel like I'm starring in the nightmare. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you can't have what you'd like, try to like what you have. That advice was given to me when I was going through my first D - and I nearly hit the person who said it. BUT she was right - I was thinking like a victim and that mindset didn't hurt anyone but me. It took me a long LONG time to learn that I could choose how to feel and how to react - nobody did that to me - and the mere act of choice was empowering. Granted sometimes the paranoid really ARE being followed, but even if you really are a victim - taking control of your own destiny (or feelings) can be the way out from hell.

I know, more easily said than done. Find some small thing you can take charge of, do it, turn something around, and then find another thing...