My H had an A two years ago while I was pregnant. After many lies and 4 false recoveris, it appears H is finally done with OW. Problem is that he hasn't made an attempt to make our relationship better. He blames me for "making" him have the A. He blames me for all the problems. We have started counseling, but have seen the counslor individually so that he can get both sides of the story. I have tried to change to make things better. I am not saying that I still don't need to work on things, but I feel that I am doing all the trying.

I love my H very much and I want a family for my DD, but H can't tell me that he loves me. He is willing to quit so easily.He doesn't appear to care to meet my needs and he can be verbally abusive. He does everything fun with other people, because he says I am no fun. I didn't even get to go the his work Christmas party (OW works there) because I would spoil his time. OW didn't go either (supposedly). I don't think that he is still seeing her, but how should I really know. He has a way of turning everything around to try to make it my fault.

I had a long talk with him the other night and explained that I am miserable and I don't want to live like this. I told him that I loved him enough to stand by a two year off/on A and all the horrible things that I had to live. I asked him to give a 150% to make me happy and I would do the same. However i feel that I am doing all the giving and he feels that I should be doing more.

I guess I really don't have a question and I don't think anyone can really help. Maybe I just needed to vent. I am just feeling so ready to walk away, but then I look at him or he treats me with some kindness and all the love rushes back. I'm not sure if I love him or the fantasy of what I wish I could have with him. Is there anyway to make a person fall back in love with you without being walked all over?

<<<<<<<<<<<<< Coolduck>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hey sweetheart-extra, extra, extra special hugs to you. I have really missed you on our thread for some time. Wondering how you have been doing?? Long time since I have heard from you??

I am so saddened to hear that the situation with your man there has little improved& so dreadful!!!

I feel soo deeply sorry for your heartache. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I understand-- you sooo need to vent. Quite a unbearable burden to handle that kind of rejection. I am very sorry to hear that your man shows such little remorse!

He has really hurt you and taken away so much from your spirit! Only severely troubled souls hurt other people to the extent your man does!!!! He is not normal...

It doesn't feel good to be demoralized, you don't deserve such poor treatment. You are a human being and a beautiful women-living with an impossible situation. Highly disturbed person.

Sweety, it's not about you! It's all about him!!! He's severely damaged person. Unwilling, to take any responsiblty to be an adult& decent person.

Withholding love is terrible, manipulative, cruel thing to do on his part. I am sorry that he has you on a terrible starvation diet. You don't deserve such diplorable treatment, to be insulted, degraded in this fashion, reduced to these low levels.

Dear, you deserve so much better, freedom, respect, and liberation of a better much better humane life!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Clearly, he has not experinced any real consequences to own up. Sounds like he is just big mean bully!!!

I'm sure he change his dance tune on a dime -if he were in a room full of real men, exposed for what he is really all about!!! Nothing admirable, or respectful about his conduct! He sounds rather irritable, frankly quite odious. I am not amused!

I am so deeply sorry that you are not being valued, respected, and cherished as you should be! That makes me very sad. I hurt for you sooo much!!!

In Christ we are loved, loveable, and here the loving wounded! Hope you can raise your standard higher. I know he has done everything to make you feel inadequate, worthless& less of human being. He is a complete fool-with many screws missing.

I would highly suggest reading your bible and getting God's perspective of what you are preciously worth. Sounds like your in the wrong hands!!! Put your self in the His hands, the right hands!

Your man knows nothing about love. I know in my heart your heart is so open to love, and wanting to make a wonderful life, marriage, and family.

He is unwilling to cooperate-simply because he has deep seated fears, problems, and unfortunately he doesn't have to. Not very good to have a half a bread loaf of man-- when you clearly deserve a full loaf of a satisfying relationship.

Definately, you can't turn his clock. Something only God& him can do!

I hope you can pamper yourself, and put all your energies into taking care of yourself. He should have to re-earn your respect. Imagine being so insulted! I have little time anymore for people like that less than a minute- your precious time, energy is worth so much more.

I understand it is so complicated when children are involved!!! Yes, this is the preplexity!!!

He should have to fight to regain your honor, respect, love. I am not kidding. Read God's word. He is the authority. See for yourself.

All your man deserves is pleasant treatment as one would give a stranger walking down the street. I wouldn't even give him the satistifaction of looking into your eyes. I would ignore him. What an impossible obstinate man!

I love you--so does God very much -others here please come visit on the thread. VENT ALL YOUR HEART OUT--LOTS OF ROOM FOR YOU! GET IT ALL OUT- Get messy.... Don't stop at one paragraph, write 100--no judgements, only the deepest compassion for you!!!

Go for the gusto!!!! You feel better to write all this hurt out, just posion in your soul, heart. No one should be permitted to hurt another human being like this. If he persists in degrading you, stand up for yourself.

Imho-I would take his credit card-purchase your self some wonderful perfume- The best- buy a new outfit, maybe some leather wear, new shoes, new bliss feel good wear, visit the jewerly store try on the best diamonds, maybe buy your self something, visit a nice fur store, try on nice coats, get your hair done, buy some wonderful makeup!

Next take your yourself& friend to a a very fancy resturant, order the best on the menu for dinner, dine elegantly, enjoy yourself, laugh, enjoy the pleasantries and ambieance of the room! Even go to a ballet, play, concert...make yourself happy!!! He obviously fails at that too.

Say nothing to your man! Be calm, polite, civil, very brief, very relaxed! Pretend he barely exists in your life. After such terrible treatment. You are a child of GOD and his daughter!!!

Even get a cheap spiral notebook, write down brief communication about what needs his attentions about children, household matters. Another note book to document his behaviors, treatment of you, and children!

Leave it on the kitchen table. Then go swimming, gym, hot tub soak or where ever you can--- you are not his doormat, slave- Don't permit him to wound, insult your womanhoood, motherhood! Enough!!

If he can enjoy himself without you sooooo can you. Let him pay the bill at the end of month! If he should complain-inform him legal bills will be much higher! You will make it your mission to interview the most meanest, ruthless lawyers in the city that mirror him, too defend, you and your children.

Is he going to be fair or unreasonable? His choice....

Buy the best hottest lipstick!!! Even visit a car dealership, test drive a wonderful hot car... Visit a spa, get a wonderful massage!!! Do not scrimp and save for this man. Screw the household budget- Sorry not to be offensive, forgive me in advance. But he is going to way to far-will go farther...Say very little to him! Enough is enough!

Each time he rejects you, pull out your fragrance, eject beautiful spray on your self. To dispell his rude, boorish lack of manners!!!! He is impossible. Being kind to such a person-is not wise- when he stops acting worst than an animal, you will treat him with respect. He doesn't understand HE IS DENSE--will continue treat you worse!!!

Your situation is outrageous- very serious!

As we all belive here in love, vowes, romance, foster it.... But we need to keep a clear head too!

All my Love,
sky,
oooxxxxooo

Find strenght in the Lord...don't let some of these professional marriage destoroyers take away your joy just because their marriage went south

Thank you so much for the caring replys.
Sky Diver - I haven't posted in a while due to the fact DD has kept me very busy and I have really been trying with H.

I have turned to God much more and I am trying to put it in his hands. I think the writing is written on the wall for me I am just afraid. I blame it on my DD or Christmas, but I am really just afraid. I keep thinking that this idiot will come to his senses and see what he has, but I am doubting it more and more. I am looking at what life will be like without H and I know that it will be better than the way it is. I am well educated and make good money for just me and DD. We will receive a nice check from him and I wouldn't have to live with his crap.

It is a good thing that I have a good self esteem or he would have reduced me to nothing. Not that his words don't hurt and I never understand how someone who is supposed to care about you can behave that way. I am a strong woman and I know I will be fine in life. I guess I am still trying to figure things out and give him the chance.

I love the credit card idea. I am trying to pamper myself more, but it is hard when I am still living with him. I am a people pleaser and for some unknown reason I am still trying to please him. I guess I will vent here and see what the holidays are like. I have already filed while the A was in full swing. I am waiting for him to sign. It helps to know that I have already taken some steps that might bring about my true happiness.

You never quit.

You put the ball in his court.

I did that last month.

This is not about my trying to control you. This is about me. I want a marriage in which I feel loved and cherished. If that's not what you want, I accept that. I no longer accept waiting for you to figure out what you want. Either work on becoming the husband I need, or we need to separate.

It wasn't this dramatic, but he got the message. I didn't quit. I put the ball in his court.

Cherished

My warmest hugs Cool Duck--- I just hurt for you so much and have so, so, so much compassion. You have been braving for so long.

I am delighted to hear you have been getting closer to God. I understand why you are afraid- to have every good reason to feel the fears and way you do through this adversity.

Because the REALITY here is MISGUIDED husbands do stray, walk away from their godly, loving wives. You can not undo-what he has done. He has winded, taken the sails almost from you. With God help, you can re--gain your wind, care and nourishment.

Although it is difficult, when he blows you down, drains your engeries, with his tackless neglience, harshness, irrascability, refuses to be a gentleman. He is soo rude and uncouth.

Even though he seems to be headed on the right the right direction one can still be on way off wrong track--off the mark. Where I sense your feeling so frustrated with him. He's there, but has no presense--his aim is way off the wall!!!

Poor misguided soul--that would lead you and your children, and himself into the swamp and sewage. You cannot partake in his misdeeds, or madness, nor tolerate, or permit him to carry on in this ludicrious fashion.

Compentant lawyers, do have a duty and can do much to collaborate & assist him in turning his course. They can petition him to get proper help for himself, before coming to the bargining table, as it is clear he has such a lack of respect for women, and possess a twisted knoted perspective.

Possibly, steming from his parents, or something tragic might have happened to him in his youth???

Clearly he is not his right mind-powerful denial system at work if he blames you for everything gone awry. A healthy intelligent normal person, would not be hacking& attacking your confidence away, hurting, harming you!

On the contrary here-your husband-would be celebrating in God, you, your children and himself. Rejoicing, relishing, enjoying his blessings, very good fortune in having a woman like you.

Do you suppose there is dark deep unknown secret that taunts him, torments him, some unresolved that produces such deep fears in him that he sinks to such low, low, degrading levels? Over compenstates for over inflated ego with other women-boorish lifestyle to squelch you?

Misguided in his mind to fight the wrong enemy? Really dear, what have you done to this man of yours to warrant such a attacks, insanity, insensitivity? I doubt very little to invoke such a lizard mentality!!!

Although, a lizard is still a beloved creature created by God- God love, and grace is sufficient to reach, rescue and redeem.

As we know there is no pit, no depths so low or deep our precious savior can phatomly go down, reach, rescue and save to the deepest depths leagues under the seas. His search light does not go out, nor does His arm tire, though are sins be a red as scarlet, He washes it all as white as snow. He is admirable, true and just. He does not forgot or abandoned.

Cool duck your husband empathetic failure-mis-treatment of you "broadcasts" he needs help on some deeper level!

Question I pose, is how can one feel free to love someone if they are afraid. I understand why do feel the way you are. I hear you.

Bullies, in my opinion reflect a story- a victim story of what they experinced and are acting out. Does he feel on some level- was he much like you in the beginning and wanted you to experince firsthand, what life was like for him growing, when he was powerless, helpless to be so dragged down? Only you would know his history?

Your hanging on.... making the best of what you can. WOW look at all you have accomplished/ing alongside with our GOD!!! You, and Most importantly Him,are AMAZING team together!!! All real Glory goes to Him for everything and every gift/talent we have in our lives. AWESOME!!!

I do not see you as weak but meak<gentle>, loving, caring person, intelligent, sensitive woman,person, wife, mother. How our precious Lord designed us, but someone entrusted to take care of you has failed in their part, to love, nourish, and understood you.

Wounded, foolish pride your man has. He has become confused, and undone!

Cool duck-you have endured a very long time now and exasperated by a rogue--ish, immature, undiscplinced husband that has left Christ out of the triangle of your marriage, does not understand Christ love for him, nor does not love himself, has no mastery over himself, who has not been mindful of your wellbeing, or your children.

Sympathcially--Yes, it hurts, yes, it is scarey, yes,it is frightening, yes, it is loney, yes, it is agony, yes, it is painful, yes, it is unsatisfying emotionally, spiritually, wounding experince. Dear you have been pierced.

Most importantly is to receive our Almighty loving God direct love, compassion, who feels, who understands-- who invites us to come together and reason together!!!

How does our caring, approachable heavenly Father feel about you and your unrepentant Husband and situation--He is sooo sympathetic, who wants, delights to comfort you.

As it is written Micah: 7:18

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depth of the sea.

Our God of justice & compassion for hurt, treacherously, betrayed wives, as it is written to the wayward, mean spirited and harsh husband. As it is written.

Malachi:2:13- Another thing you do: You flood the LORD'S alter with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offereings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask Why? It is because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife, of your marriage covenant.

15: Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard your self in your spirit and do not break faith with wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Isarel and [B]" I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment." says the Lord Almighty.



[B]. I think the writing is written on the wall for me I am just afraid.

Cool duck-- the writing is on the wall- Your husband needs to surrender, get himself right with Christ.

I am looking at what life will be like without H and I know that it will be better than the way it is. I am well educated and make good money for just me and DD. We will receive a nice check from him and I wouldn't have to live with his crap.

Life would be much better-if your husband would open his heart to Christ and trust him. Your lives would be so blessed. You have a lot to offer-more to give. God has blessed you.

I am a strong woman and I know I will be fine in life. I guess I am still trying to figure things out and give him the chance .

Yes, no doubt about your being a strong woman, with God on your side even stronger. Nothing wrong with give him a true pardon, if he repents, to turns back to God, you, and your children. His actions will convey his sincerity.

I love the credit card idea. I am trying to pamper myself more, but it is hard when I am still living with him.

I'm am glad you liked that one-I have done it a few times. Not that we go crazy our selves, modest, good treatment. Since, these wayward spouses are unreliable, we must take care of our own needs first. Then of course we must then care for our children. I am happy that you are pampering yourself! Congrats you deserve it.

Hope after you can take your children on a fine shopping excurions, try on hats, jewerly, long gloves elbow high, visit the makeup counters, maybe a new outfits, perfumes, see a play/ballet, nutcracker& scrooge, go out to a wonderful place exquisite place for lunch, visit a chocolate shop, etc... Hit the pool to get together.

Maybe buy daddy-several presents men's colognes? How about Calvin Klein TRUTH & ETERNITY... Video tape SCROOGE....subtle gracious way to keep him heading in the right direction, on the right track. Call to arms to return to his senses!

What about bring out the best china, best linens, silverware, pick up some great steaks, lobsters, pizza etc... maybe pickup some lovely casa blanca white lillies inserted in a vase with pine plume branches... Play some lovely classical music, celebrate the tranquility& calm. Mozart to fill the house...

All of course place all the bills on daddy's credit card- as daddy should make amends do the right thing when he hurt his family. Rightfully, shoulder his responibilities for missing in action. Better to give than receive...He has taken quite alot out of the coffers...

I am a people pleaser and for some unknown reason I am still trying to please him .

Well our Lord, wired us that way , just like him. We are to esteem others more than our selves. Clause, we cannot forgot to include ourselves, and children either. Balancing...

I guess I will vent here and see what the holidays are like.

Honey--- vent here where you feel the most comfortable! Take things one step at a time. Have fun-reverse the tide-swing baby swing.

I have already filed while the A was in full swing. I am waiting for him to sign. It helps to know that I have already taken some steps that might bring about my true happiness.

Good for you---in standing up to your rogue. I am so proud of you! He needs the discipline, to grow up& be a real man. He needs male modeling, mentoring, authority, hopefully, if handled correctly learn about civilty, good manners, self navigation- or a paddling discipline from the official board of education.

God can move in wonderfully, powerfully through the lawyers, courts. He is a just, wise GOD, supreme judge. I pray the system is open wide to you& protects us your children, from him doing anymore harm to all of you& himself. To protect the weak, meek, vulnerable, innocent. Rises to occasion!

Love you,
Jesus loves you,
Enjoy the word--if the son of man sets you free, you truly are free indeed to latch on to His North Star!!!! He paid a King's ransom for us! You are His treasure and beloved!!!
Shine on!!!
oooxxxooo