</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong> I fit into this 50 something group and this is a good thread. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, there are several of us then? I was beginning to think lil' ol' me was the only one here who was over the hill - and I was just beginning to enjoy the climb!

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would like to join a single groups but I don't know how to find any around where I live. Aren't those groups full of people on the hunt? It is important to find single people cause most of my friends are married so our friendships have changed.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was in a singles club years ago before I met my current H. It was NOT people on the hunt, but people with a zest for life who wanted to share their activities with others. There was always something going on - usually more activities than you could possibly participate in. And while there were dances, most activities were things like ski outings, workshops on various topics, etc.

The club I used to belong to was located in the same part of town I'm moving to. When I was at city hall applying for my dog permit, I happened to see flyers there for the local singles group. Different name, but their newsletter sounds like it is the same group.

Try an Internet search for Singles All Together - or groups through churches, or like in my town, see if there are resources for people moving to the area because they might have social clubs listed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ThornedRose:
<strong> JustinExplorer,

--One thing I am jealous of is the fact that a group of women can go to dinner together as friends, and have a good time. I have noticed that men in Europe will do this also. A man will go to dinner with 5 or 6 other guys, brother, cousin, neighbors, or whatever. They buy a pizza, a bowl of soup, a few bottles of time and enjoy hours of companionship. Why can't American men do that????

TR--I think the problem with so many of those American men your refering to is that they think they need a macho image--and that macho image doesn't include sitting around having dinner with a bunch of guy friends laughing and having a good time--unless it's at a sports bar while watching a game--so that no real emotional attachment can form--

How many men friends do you have that you hug when you see them? Or at least shake hands?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Heh. I do this fairly frequently. Not with 5 or 6 guys - it's hard to get a group that large together. But 1 or 2 isn't so hard.

Actually, what I really do is just ask people if they want to grab a bite together or something. Sometimes they're friends, sometimes they're people I want to get to know better. I'll ask regardless of whether they are men or women, without making any distinction, so sometimes it's a group of just men, and sometimes it's women (besides myself).

You know what we talk about? Sure enough, we talk about emotional things, about spiritual things - it doesn't seem to matter whether I'm with men or women, we end up talking about the same kinds of things.

As for the number of men friends I greet with a hug, well, I reckon it's pretty close to the same proportion as the number of women friends I greet with a hug. Men or women, some are huggers, some are not.

I suppose you could argue that it's an age-related difference, but I don't buy it. I've been out with people who are anywhere from in their twenties to in their seventies, and had pretty similar experiences.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lordslady:
<strong> Now as for the "guys night out" thing, it really is a shame that women can go out as a group and have a great time, and if guys went out and sat around and enjoyed a good meal and a glass of wine and then took in anything other than a sporting event, people might question their orientation. I really had never thought about that.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Heh. I think there's a certain amount of truth to that. I'm pretty sure that on occasion when I've been out with a guy friend, we've been mistaken for a "couple." I would say that I don't let it bother me, but I think that might be misleading: the truth is, it doesn't come anywhere close to bothering me in the first place.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Deja Vu:
<strong> I was beginning to think lil' ol' me was the only one here who was over the hill - and I was just beginning to enjoy the climb!

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are not over the hill. Among very famous 50 somethings are the current captain of the Enterprise, the real-life pilot of Space Ship 1 on its price winning flight into outer space and one of the recent winners of the Nobel Prize in medicine.

I won't even bother to mention the fabulously sexy, Christina Latte who recently stared in the movie "Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman". she's a knockout!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by JustinExplorer:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Deja Vu:
<strong> I was beginning to think lil' ol' me was the only one here who was over the hill - and I was just beginning to enjoy the climb!

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are not over the hill. Among very famous 50 somethings are the current captain of the Enterprise, the real-life pilot of Space Ship 1 on its price winning flight into outer space, and one of the recent winners of the Nobel Prize in medicine.

I won't even bother to mention the fabulously sexy, Christina Latte who recently stared in the movie "Revenge of the Middle Aged Woman". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> She's a knockout! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

We're not "over the hill." We're standing right on top of the hill and we can see clearly in all directions.

This is a point of my life that I have truly been looking forward to.

Erm, I may be (at 37) the youngest person posting on this thread. Hee.

To answer the original question about dating, I decided to go on 50 dates in a year. As someone else said, the goal is to remember how to interact with people on that level, not to find The Love Of My Life. So far I've had five dates (and one second date) and it's been a lot of fun. I have one more date scheduled, and another four people I'm trying to coordinate with. The holidays are kind of a busy time for anyone to go on a date with!

As for how I'm meeting those dates? The modern version of the personal ad, of course -- Internet Dating. My favorite sites are Tickle.com and Match.com. (And no, my username is not Just J on those sites, though there is a JustJ on Match.com. He's 31, male, lives in Georgia, and manages a furniture store, according to his profile.)

Hi JustJ,

I'm "practicing" again. Getting used to being around guys who find me attractive. Re-learning the gentle art of lady-like flirting. So far, I haven't formally dated, but it has only been two months since my H left for the OW - leaving nothing but a note - totally surprising me and our family. (Some background - He's bi-polar and in his compulsive spending mode, so I'm having to divorce him quickly to protect myself. The divorce will be final in January, at which point, I'll be emerging into the world of dates and dating after 25years.)

I have tended to be dubious of on-line stuff because that's how my stbxh hooked up with the ow. I know that there are a lot of married men trolling out there. So, keep posting about your experience. I'm interested to know how it works for you. A friend has been doing the on-line thing, but keeps running into guys who are "seperating" or "my marriage is over in every way but the papers" etc, etc. So often, the wife has no idea that he's doing this.

I've read on this site and others a lot of discussion about how long someone should wait before dating. I think that's a personal decision. Certainly, I think someone should wait a while before getting into a serious relationship - but practicing.....learning how to do this all over again....learning what kind of men you like to be around and what kind of men you find attractive - well, the only way I can practice is by being around men. Plus, I've got a pretty good "land shark" radar.

I guess this is a long way of saying be careful on your 50 dates, JustJ. Stay true to yourself. You'll know if this approach feels right or if you start to find it's getting old.

I think it was the Staples Singers who sang: "Respect yourself! Respect yourself! If you don't respect yourself ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot." (This predates you JustJ, but it's one of the world's alltime greatest songs)

I am 38 and I have 4 children. 10 year old D, 7 y/o twins (b-g) and a 2 1/2 y/o B. I am not yet divorced, but it certainly seems that we are heading there fast. fwh stuck around I believe for the kids, but I am not willing to live in a loveless m. It is tearing me to shreds.

So in trying to look forward, I see you all have many dating opportunities. That is amazing...I guess there is a whole world of people out there, right? I was just wondering what the consensus is about dating people w/children. Obviously, they come first in my life. THis is a whole new world to my brain, as I thought I'd live w/my h forever. I'm just trying to think positively that in the future there could be a nice relationship.

I remember being so shocked because h's best friend, who is 37 and attractive, single - no kids, said he really didn't care if a woman had kids, as long as she wasn't married (he'd look for a ring) he'd consider asking her out if he was interested. I always assumed he'd only want a single w /no kids relationship, because obviously that would be easier.

I'm all over the place here, but I found myself trying to resign myself to just being alone and happy about that for the rest of my life. To not have to deal w/any of the crap that I've dealt with for the last 4 years. Then I thought, wait a minute....maybe that isn't the way it goes. Maybe there is a nice fulfilling trusting relationship that you choose as an adult.

This whole awful situation I've lived hasn't changed me negatively. I went to a surprise party for my friend recently, that her very sweet h threw for her, and I felt so happy for them, that they were happy together and expressing it among all their friends. And I was there by myself. But, I was so grateful that I felt happy for them, that I wasn't bitter about my own situation.

I know I have a lot to offer, and I feel any man would be lucky to get the chance to be around me and my kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (JMHO), but I just don't know how realistic that is. That is what I was wondering about.

Whew. I'm rambling. Anyone have any input?

Weezy---

I will start by saying I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, and wish that it would turn around for you, and your children.

Hmmmm, the answer to your question.

It may be where I live, but for me, I have NOT experienced opportunities to meet men or have the opportunity to date.
I have dated one guy, but I feel that I would like to meet other men, but the big question is HOW??

I have two daughters, I'm 41, and I have kept myself in pretty good shape, and still take care of myself.
I think that I'm finding that men my age are not interested in my age group.
I think they are looking for the early 30's gal.

This is my .02, for whatever it's worth.

I wish you the best.
K.

I'll toss in a few thoughts based upon my VERY limited experience and those of a few friends. So far the women my friends have found from Internet matching are very high quality. They are educated, employed, enjoy the arts and music, know how to manage a house, and are generally highly desireable. Many of them in their 40's and 50's are HOT! I have seen some rather plump 20-somethings, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> !!! I mean these 50 year olds have figures that many 26 year olds would like to have.

I hope, for the sake of you ladies, that the men on the Internet matching sites are equally good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

On the subject of children, since I am in my 50's and have raised my children, I have no desire to raise anymore. So, for that reason, I will limit dating to women in their late 40's and 50's.

Weezy, I think if you have children you should probably seek out a man who also has children, even if he does not have primary custody of them. A daddy will recognize the problems of raising children and the rewards. He will understand when you have to cancel at the last minute because your child is sick. He will be impressed by a woman who can handle the job of raising kids, and he will feel safe if she helps him raise his.

One of the few dates I had was with a career woman who never had kids. What a mismatch! She was gorgeious, but could not related to having children and the limitations that puts on one's lifestyle. I decided it would go nowhere.

A friend of mine has recently become engaged to a very charming lady. She told me that she knew he was a good man because the first opportunity they had to meet in person (they met on the Internet) was the weekend he had custody of his child. He brough the child to the coffee shop to meet her, rather than leave him alone on one of the few days he could be with his son. No, he does not bring his son on dates with her. He's a good guy, but he's not crazy!

Karona,


--I think that I'm finding that men my age are not interested in my age group. I think they are looking for the early 30's gal.

TR--Not sure what age group your refering too--but as a 40 year old single mother of three I re-married last year--my h is in his 40's as well--

He didn't want a 20 or 30 something year old--as he found them less emotionally mature--meaning they didn't know what they wanted in a man let alone in a relationship--

And as far as meeting men--that you would be interested in--what are YOU interested in?

If you don't want a man who drinks--don't go to the bars--if you don't mind if he drinks--then thats where you go--

If you want a man who has a committed relationship to Christ--look at church--

Most of the older men who only date younger women are in it for the ego boost it gives them--in other words--they are only about themselves--

Thanks TR!!!

I'm happy for you and your remarriage.

The age group I'm referring to would be late 30's to mid 40's.

Casual social drink is okay. I have done like a bar at a restaurant type thing. That is where I see men closer to my age, wanting the young girls.
I go to church reguarly, but my church is more family oriented.
I think it's a timing matter. It will happen when it's meant to.

I did start working again. It's possible something could happen there someday.
I think I just feel old sometimes.

Thanks for your input.

K.