A few nights ago I had a dream. In it I was talking with a fairy therapist. Fairy who treated humans, not a human who treated fairies. And yes, I'm talking the kind of fairies with wings, although she didn't have any wings I could see.

So, in my dream the fairy therapist wants to know when I'm going to set B. free so someone else can have him. She asked several times with various rephrasing, including "Let him find someone else."

She demanded an answer, including why I was holding on to him when I didn't want him.

I didn't have an answer.

I'm a firm believer in listening to dreams. It's just hard to interpret them.

This could be wishful thinking and rationalization.
This could be an angel's whisper, or my better side talking.

What do you all think? Do I oew it to B. to speed up the DV proceedings? Back in August, he asked me to go to MC again. I said yes, but I couldn't afford to pay for it, and he'd have to make the arrangements. Guess what has not happened. Marriage Counseling. I've asked him about it twice since then. He said as soon as he got a computer hooked up to the internet, he's search for a therapist.

So, should I speed up my divorce? Or wait and see?

GG,

Do you feel that you owe it to him to go tho MC?

Do you feel that MC would make a difference, or would it just be so you can say you gave it one last shot?

I guess the real question is, do you see anything that could possibly change your path to D?

I have seen for a long time that your heart is set on D, perhaps you are unsure about that and you need to wait until you are sure. If so, then don't speed up something that you are unsure about.

If you are sure, then you should do whatever would be best for both of you. Don't put yourself through something meaningless that will just prolong where you know you are going. Don't give him false hopes and lead him down a dead end.

Is it B that needs to be set free from all of this, or you?

WIWH

We do sometimes seem opposite sides of the coin, don't we?

But, then, I wouldn't suddenly blame B. if he asked me to contact his lawyer now. Addin stress??? Please.

As to your questions, I don't know.

greenables,

i'm wondering,, am i noticing your reluctancy here???

IMO- if it was up to me, i'd prefer seeing you work out the indifferences,,, and save your marrige.

with your dream, is it possible that maybe this is coming from ole satan himself?

he does work over time, always on the prowl, intending to decieve, and devour each and every soul,,,.

You mentioned you couldn't afford MC, there are other alternatives. not that i want to, or trying to steer anyone away from here-

there is a program called REtrOUVAILLE they take donations.

IMO_ it's also possible w/o any MC. All that's required is an open mind. It's easier than most are aware. The both of you already know, each others likes-dislikes. quite an advantage, i think anyhow.


With the waiting game, we can only remain dusty for soo long,,,

if you do speed up the dv. maybe that could be the kick in his rear. besides, is it possible that even if you do speed this up, you can still delay, or file to dismiss the dv case.

I'am actually everything against dv, and all for saving marriages. so far, i haven't been very succesful in saving my own, as i'am
"STILL STANDING"

Oh, Stephan, let me qualify. I personally afford counseling right now because I'm not working full time. B. and I have always had completely separate finances in order to protect me from Situation X. Part of me says that after forking up close to $10K of my money on MC and psychiatrist bills to deal with my miserable marriage, B. should contribute some.

I'm thinking I'll wait until April 18th. April 18th will mark the two year anniversary of our separation. At that point, B. cannot contest the divorce even if he wanted to.

My biggest problem is that even though I don't want to be divorced, I sure shootin' don't want to be married to B. So far, B hasn't changed in any of the essentials where I have problems. Situation X is still in place. The finances are still my responsibility in the main. He still calls me selfish, and only caring about myself anytime I don't give him exactly what he wants.

What I see is B. wants the old marraige back. The one where he was happy, I was doing the Surrendered Wife or Plan A thing and getting more miserable by the day.

B. gets angry and nasty and doesn't like me when I stick up for what I want. It doesn't sound like a promising start, does it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong>

What do you all think? Do I oew it to B. to speed up the DV proceedings? Guess what has not happened. Marriage Counseling. I've asked him about it twice since then. He said as soon as he got a computer hooked up to the internet, he's search for a therapist.

So, should I speed up my divorce? Or wait and see? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi GG! Sorry you're still in limbo.
JMHO here, OK. butt, here goes:
So like, your husband does not or can NOT read a phone book? in looking for a MC therapist? Guess none of his co-workers or friends don't have phone books either? And you don't have one you could loan him... kinda sounds like a big fat EXCUSE to me...
I've always been a firm believer in Dreams - God uses dreams and omens to speak to us at times, although the Holy Scriptures are always at hand.
Just My Thoughts.
PS - You gonna finish that kool story up you posted in 'The Kingdom' Of Caerlon? We've been curious as to how it might end.
God bless,
SDLOTR

greenables,

i knew it! i knew there was more to this,, sorry lol

i haven't really read many of your posts. and i do remember you here though. i've been here almost 2 years now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">B. gets angry and nasty and doesn't like me when I stick up for what I want. It doesn't sound like a promising start, does it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">not at all, and i do have to agree with you.

maybe he needs his eyes really opened.

Not that i promote or support Dv, but after hearing what you've said, i wonder if you speed it up, if that will get his attention.

I don't think i'd be digging in too much anymore -neither.

good luck- and happy holidays-

stever

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We do sometimes seem opposite sides of the coin, don't we? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As I've said before, you and I are coming at this mess in life from opposite directions. And I see you've been reading your e-mail <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

And after thinking a little about It, I am with Sauron. Although it may not be related to your dream, If I was after X to go to MC and she finally agreed, I would have had an appointment made that day, not when I could conveniently get around to it.

Sauron,
The phonebook paradox had crossed my mind occassionally. I've seen him use it before. However, it must be a mystery now. Or maybe, it's because he just doesn't care enough about me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That thought doesn't bother me since it lead to my ephiphany that it doesn't matter what value others place on me. I'm valuable simply because the Creator made me. God doesn't make trash.

Stever,

Oh, yeah. There's a LOT to the story. Years where I went to counseling alone. Situation X. Finding out B. gave me herpes AFTER my daughter was born and I had my first outbreak. The internet searches for call girls. The angry sex. The lack of sex. The BOOKS filling up my house against my will.

Not to mention different values. And personalities that seem to bring out the worst in each other.

Wow. My story condensed down to a information-packed paragraph. I don't bother posting it much any more because the whole thing bores me at best. At worst, I relive the trauma of those horrible times.

It's really strange, but I swore I'd never get divorced. Even when my marriage went from "something not quite right" to "very unhappy" I swore I'd stick it out for the kids. When I had been miserable for a long time, and B. still wouldn't participate in counseling, I started to think divorce. When I had a physical impulse to crush his skull with the frying pan I was putting away, I knew it was time to leave.

Some people say you can divorce with out hating each other. Maybe in the long term. For me, I could never have even filed if I hadn't wanted him dead at some point. A pretty ugly picture of me, I'll grant you. But, in quite a few ways, being a widow is better than being divorced.

In my defense, I've never wished anyone dead before. Now that I don't live with B or see him much, I don't want him to die. I just want him to find someone else.

Hi GG! I see you're online - Kool!
I like how you see yourself: 'God doesn't make trash' - that was so neat! Thank you for sharing that with us. I like that phrase and for sure, I will definitely remember (and use) that one.
You take care, I pray God will heal your hurting heart and that you'll come thru this A-OK.
PS - We (Princess & Me) miss ya in 'The Kingdom' - everybody's like, up and left...
SDLOTR

Sorry GG. I hate quoting posts but I do it anyway!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As to your questions, I don't know.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well not knowing should be an answer. If you are unsure about anything then you should wait until you are 100% certain. There is no reason for you to rush into something that you are not sure about. However, I think you are sure of a few things!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My biggest problem is that even though I don't want to be divorced, I sure shootin' don't want to be married to B. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm thinking I'll wait until April 18th. April 18th will mark the two year anniversary of our separation. At that point, B. cannot contest the divorce even if he wanted to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds to me that this is what you want to happen for you but you either don't want to do it to him, or you just are affraid he will try to change your mind.

Besides, if he does contest, there's always the frying pan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, I once had a fairy therapist. He once followed me into the restroom & said, "You have a very mathculine voith." So I stopped seeing him.

Actually, as to the question of why you are still holding onto your H, it presupposes that you are the one holding on. Since he has moved out, and has done nothing to move the D along, and mentions counseling yet does nothing to make it happen, I would say that your H is the one who is stringing you along. It be that your well developed conscience is just playing a little trick on you, and your intelligence is trying to tell you that anyone who says that you are the one holding onto your H is living in a fairy tale, hence the fairy therapist.

If your H really wanted to keep you or be divorced, I think you would see some strong movement in one of the two directions. However, the waffling seems to indicate that he is only doing what feels comfortable depending what mood he is in. JMHO.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> It's really strange, but I swore I'd never get divorced. Even when my marriage went from "something not quite right" to "very unhappy" I swore I'd stick it out for the kids. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Anne,

How much do you think it has to do with what you wrote above? Have you come to terms with the fact that you'll be a 'divorced woman' (shhh, don't say it too loud <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) when this is done?

Is that okay with you yet? It really should be, given all the work that you've done. If it's about 'earning' your divorce, you've certainly done that, in spades. Are you having trouble accepting the idea, given your previous pledge to yourself and the girls?

Martes

I don't have anything constructive to add, but I know you've worked hard on the M and on yourself.
I think the dream gave you a direction.
My X was the same with the phonebook. Couldn't make an appt. They didn't want to, they just wanted to keep us engaged.
Remember - watch his actions, not his words.


And many of us have wished our spouses dead, but it did just happen near your (mom's) area. Just over the state border. L's friend lost her STBX in an auto accident. It saves the legal fees, but leaves the kids without a dad.