I am new here. I have been married for 12 years and have three children. I have been raised to belive that you need to be responsible and as much as I enjoy having fun and thinking of myself, circumstances over the years have not afforded me that opportunity.

Of my three children, 2 have ADD and Learning disabilites. Two were born with mild heart defects and are now OK. I took care of myself durning my pregancies. I have my own company and have worked since I have been married, trying to divide my time between family and work. I have felt like I needed to be both mother and father to my children.

My husband says he loves me. Over the past 12 years, he has decided to try acting- My income is about 75% of what we make. This did not bother me. My husband wanting to try acting- (he knew I would have an issue with it- so he just paid for the classes and devoted time to pursue this career and hid it from me). I had three children under 6 at the time. He spent his time going to the gym, getting plastic surgery, going out to dinner, as opposed to eating at home.

I did all the homework with the kids- we have three boys. He complained that I did not make the home enviorment relaxing enough for him.

I recently found out buisness trips he says he has taken- have been pleasure trips- leaves me at home for the weekend trying to drive 3 kids to 3 soccer games- which all occur at the same time.

He had at least one affair. i found out and know he claims he is going to change. I think I was in a state of deniel and just recently gained the strength to truely deal with the situation.

I was in love with my husband once. I don`t wish him any ill will. Even now. Recently, he has tryed to totally change his actions- he is more helpful with the kids and is trying to be more attentive to me. I just can`t give back. He has hurt me so deeply, but I feel a responsibility to my three boys to not wreak their lives. However, I feel like I will loose myself if I stay.

i am not a marriage counselor but my feelings are that you should really try to save your marriage...if he is making an effort and can see that he was wrong...definitely...i believe that if you really try to forgive and spend some time together, those feelings could come back...i have heard that so many times...it may be hard but i know of people that have gone through this and their marriage became stronger...its definitely worth trying again...keep strong!

I believe in staying until you know you tried all you can, but you have to be the one to know that. It sounds like he has not made loving him easy and you are a human being who deserves to be treated a certain way. There comes a time when it is a matter of "too little too late". If it is not a healthy environment for the kids then get out and repair yourself, that will be better for the boys down the road, but make sure you know this is what you want and what is best. I am in the same situation right now trying to decide whether to end my marriage for various reasons(I am the one who posted "My husband had an afair") but i know i truly love him and we are wonderful together but i have things i need to get past, i am trying to see that "sign" that it is over.

Hope you figure it out, good luck(don't stay together for the boys-that can be worse)

Thanks for your replies. I am going to counseling to try to see if we can save our marriage. I really don`t think it would be a good idea just to stay for the kids. Since this has all come up and my husband is trying to change, the kids have noticed we are happier as a family. The other day my nine year old said- Mom and Dad used to fight alot but now they are nice to each other. Its not like we really fought in front of them, but he could feel the tension. I don`t want them to grow up in that enviorment. So I realize, unless I can really fall back in love with my husband, I am not doing myself are them a favor by staying in this marriage. I think it is a matter of me really beliving he is truly commited to becoming a better person and us both meeting each other needs.

For a minute I thought my wife posted this. But we have 2 boys 1 girl and married for 16 years. I realized with in the last 2 months that I've acted arogant, selfish and childish. I needed to make a lot of changes. Alas, my wifes love bank has burned down. I believe she's tried about everything. If he's willing to go to counseling with you and truely show's you he's grown up. Give him the chance. Just be patient. He's human. He'll make mistakes, and slip into old patterns. Talk to him a LOT! Make sure he spends time with you. I know he should be responsible/mature enough to think of this. Maybe he's got A.D.D. (I do)
I really hope it works for you
Vort