Well folks this looks pretty bad now. She toldme last night that I will have her final decision tonight. I don't want a divorce and I think she is doing it for the wrong reasons. She seems to think that she will finally be free whe she no longer has me around. She also claims to not love me at all yet last night she was hugging and kissing me in the kitchen. When she was done she just told me that she had to do that to see if she loved me. Well she was nearly crying when she went into the bathroom and locked the door. I thing that part of her still wants to love me or still does. I think that we both would be better off without the mind games but she seems to need them. I have realized that she has sent a test my way already. This test I will not fail! I know that the info was planted now. I really hope she just decides she wants to try because i would hate to think that the last 7 years have been wasted.

Well she has at least walked into the office now. Her appt. was at 2:00. I feel awful, like somebody is holding me still and waiting to kick me in the head. I just hope she decides not to do it. How did you guys handle this time? Right now I think she is still living in the house so I really have a few limits on what I can do. I do not want to celebrate if she goes through with it I would be more likely to just go to the bathroom and puke. What do I do now? I still do not know for sure what she is going to do but I am terrified! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

CIWV---the key is to remove yourself from the drama as you cannot control her or what she does.
Get busy, workout, sweat, listen to Black Sabbath, get angry again, workout, etc.

She needs to see and feel the consequences of you no longer being there for her.

This is what I did at the time of filing...and we are no where near out of the woods but I think my WS just came out of the fog based upon her phone call last night (see my story in GQII if you care).

Anyway, try to remove yourself---I would minimize all contact as much as possible. Begin now more than ever to focus on you, learn what you can about you again, discover who you really are...and don't let her concern you anymore.

Easier said than done, I know. Be strong, be strong!

Good Luck

It will be very hard to just focus on me but I may be able to do it. One little problem, she still live with me because she has nowhere else to go. She claims to have a place to go but she has made no attempt to move out yet. I do have one question though- What does it mean when she goes to one town to visit the lawyer but I already know that the lawyer is in another town? I have pledged to not give up untill the last letter in my name is signed. I will at least give her that. It will be hard though. Smoe parts of me just want to give up. One last rant for now- would you believe that she accused me of being brainwashed by a church last night? I have gone to one marriage class and two services what is she thinking? I am not someone who goes to church often but when I do go it usually is with good reason. It really sounds to me like she is just trying tomake herself feel better about this whole mess. But using my attempts at self improvement to do this is just low.

Oops! What is GQII?

Have you read "Surviving An Affair" and “His Needs, Her Needs” by Dr Willard Harley?

Have you considered calling and get an appointment with Steve Harley (see below)?
You DEFINITELY should do this.

I got home and she was po'd pretty bad. Her school work did not get through like it should have. At least there was no attack on me. I did tellher that I was here for her but she merely snorted a "yea right". I guess I am dealing with a teenager now......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I will be calling him after 7:00. I hope that works it is the only way I can hide it from her..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Do you want help or is this simply a "journal" for you?

I will be calling him after 7:00.
Who?

I hope that works it is the only way I can hide it from her.....
Why are you trying to hide things from her?
That is not part of MB principles.

I really wish I did not have to hide anything fiom her but she truly would go completely crazy if she knew what I was doing. She does not want help of any type and as a result I am not allowed to seek help in the marriage. I hope someday she will wake up and see what she is doing but for now I have to hide to keep some sort of channel open to her. Sorry I know that this is not the best way but she cannot handle anything but her own opinion right now. If I were to break any of this to her I fear the reaction I would get with her in this state of mind.

I will be calling Dr. Harley after 7:00. I hope He can be available at that time. I guess I could give him my private work number.

She seems to be going through a period of extreme anger and fear right now. I KNOW something has been going on with OM. I am almost certain there was no sex but lets face it for the last few weeks the sex did change a bit... I shudder to think that she could have another man's child within but I guess I should be ready for anything. I just want her back I will do anything to get her back. I guess I can't lie I am desperate. I am afraid that she will not know who she divorced until it is too late. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She never came home last night. She left all of her essentials at home. I am very worried about her. I am starting to think that she may have problems that are well beyond the scope of marriage. I think that she keeps telling me to gro up because in fact she need to grow up and she hopes the cover up by telling me to. I called D.r harley last night and left my number. I hope something come of this I really want to get her back ang fix whatever is wrong. Sadly I think she has finally just totally lost her mind and may not find it for a long time..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />