In the back of the book “Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harley, there is a Marital Recovery Agreement. If you don’t have a copy, you must get it. I suggest one of you copy it into a computer program and format it real pretty and then go out to dinner and discuss it. Go even so far as you both sign it and make it “official”. Here is a brief summary of the agreement.

1. Rule of protection-Avoid being the cause of your spouse’s unhappiness. This means you both have to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement. It also means NO lovebusting. Perception is important here. If a spouse feels something is lovebusting then it is, no matter how the other intended it.
2. Rule of care- Meet your spouse’s most important emotional needs. Here is where you both take the Needs Questionnaire.
3. Rule of time-Take time to give your spouse your undivided attention. The recreation questionnaire would be helpful here. Helps build trust. Again no lovebusting.
4. Rule of honesty-be totally open and honest with your spouse. Both of you need to be honest about your likes and dislikes. Otherwise, the other just gets confused.

That is the agreement. All pieces must be in place for it to work. You can’t pick and choose what you will do. Are you both willing to call a truce and follow it?