Looks like that will be me. H is absolutely furious with me because he is now rethinking our whole M and decided I'm trying to rip him off. These next couple of days - instead of ending as friends like we've been talking about for the past 3 months - we will not even be on speaking terms.

He has revised history a bit, and now says he has given me more money than he was supposed to - actually it is a fair amount less. Also, since HIS refinance people dragged their feet, I now have to go through a refi myself on my new house and pay out more closing costs to do it. And, H apparently is not going to pay off the last of my credit cards that he was supposed to pay.

I am so upset - even now I can't stand to have him mad at me. I think that is worse than the issues themselves. I find myself trying to find a way to make peace and find a friendly solution - and it is because I'm afraid of the anger and hatred - not because I'm such a "good" person. And I really didn't want it to end like this. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?

He now says he has thrown away 20 years (when he was trying to convince me how many of those years were good ones not so very long ago). The things he is saying now are SO hurtful to me. I really don't think I can forgive him for the nasty things he's said and the nasty names he's called me today.

Of course I'm still not fully packed either - and have pulled a muscle in my back so I'm having a heck of a time finishing it up. I may just have to walk away and leave things behind.

Has this happened to anyone else in the final days? Is this a normal reaction to the coming of the end?

I am just trying to get paperwork finalized this week...

Yes it is very stressful and I think has made things much worse between myself and WW (at least I know for sure, for me).

I have even found myself referring to her as some really nasty names which is TOTALLY out of character for me. I find myself thinking of her as a downright "horrible person" (not just a horrible spouse) which is a long ways from someone you were in love with and married... sigh...

Right now I just want it over with so I can get on with my life and leave her in the dust....

Good luck with your paperwork and hopefully cooler heads prevail!

<small>[ December 14, 2004, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Miker ]</small>

Shortly after I wrote this initial post, one of my dogs locked me out in the garage - jumped on the door and hit the lock while I was out there in slippers and a regular shirt, no jacket. H was gone, and I had no key, and no way in. I spent almost an hour out there in the freezing cold until he came home and let me in. Hardly a word other than, "that's not good" - not even "are you OK?"

He informed me earlier in the day that he would not be coming home after work on Thurs or Fri and would get his own dinner tomorrow. I said, well he better come home Friday and take care of HIS dogs because I was leaving in the morning and would not be back again.

I guess we won't even say goodbye to each other.

GOD this hurts SO much!

After a long, totally sleepless night I decided this morning to kick H out for the next two days. I asked him to leave and go stay in a motel. I feel like total crap that it has come to this.

I told him I would no longer participate in the ugly, hateful, spiteful behavior of the previous day, and that since he felt he'd wasted 20 years on me, he could decide how much he should be "compensated" and just take it. I told him I was all done participating - from now on it's his decision what he is entitled to and just take it. There is no amount of money that is worth the deterioration and destruction of two people that I saw yesterday - and no amount of money that makes it worthwhile any longer. I'm deeply sorry that we are now parting as enemies after 3 months of working hard to maintain the friendship through it all.

But, all that being said - and I know I'm going to be crying my eyes out the next two days - it's not as bad as staying here and watching the totally hateful behavior being sent my way. It is way too hurtful and I can't do it any longer.

Oh God, it hurts!

Update: H fell apart when the reality hit him. He really freaked - I told him the reason I wanted him out of here is because I couldn't stand his nasty behavior and didn't want to be around it for two more days. We had a very good discussion after this - he felt bad about his behavior and promised to be nice to me, and I said he could stay then. It was a turning point, I believe, as the reality of our split is becoming more iminent and no longer just something that will happen in the future.

I think H is starting to question his choices - or at least starting to realize the map doesn't match the terrain, and the terrain is where we are living!

On a related note, I closed on my new house today, and took the first of my things over there. I will officially move in on Friday, but I already know I'll have to come back for a few things.

What a bittersweet deal! I should be thrilled to be moving into this house - but instead a part of me is crying and dying inside as I cross the bridge into separateness from my H. It's not really buyer's remorse. It's more like marriage separation remorse and there's no turning back now. I wonder if I acted too hastily? I know in my head I didn't have any other good choices, but my heart is breaking.

Pray for me this Christmas season... I will need it.

Wow, unbelieavable story...I am so sorry, my heart goes out to....I will say a prayer for peace for you.

Remember, tomorrow is another day.....and it will be the best of your Life! I read this line from a poem I have at work. Remember when times are tough.

My advice, stay away the [censored], he is only causing you grief and trying to drag you down.

However, only YOU ... YOU .. and only YOU... can decide when it is over. I am 6 months into a previously vicious D...and she just awakened three days ago after moving out basically late May. No firm recovery plan in place, but, she is returning tomorrow and extending her trip with me through the weekend. We will see how it goes, I have a plan, just have fun for a day or two, no R talk....as a matter of fact, just maybe say nothing till she is about to leave me at the airport.

Anyway, IMHO, it sounds like you still have regret...if this is so, it's time for Plan B....he will then see the consequences of separation from you, it will take awhile...you focus your energy on you, not him, no contact, no BS, stay firm....I speak from experience, read my story if you like.

Anyway, best of luck to you. I will pray not only for you but all of us here on MB.

"I think it's full of stars"
David Bowman, 2001 (commenting on seeing the monolith for last time)

Stay strong, stay busy and crank the tunes!!

Nature

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nature:
<strong> Anyway, IMHO, it sounds like you still have regret...if this is so, it's time for Plan B....he will then see the consequences of separation from you, it will take awhile...you focus your energy on you, not him, no contact, no BS, stay firm....I speak from experience, read my story if you like.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know if "regret" is the right word. But I have some reservations about whether this was the right thing for me to do.

I've talked to people here before about doing a Plan B - everyone said I can't really do it until I'm out of here. So, I haven't thought about it for awhile now. This may be the time. But I'm afraid if I do, I'll burn the bridges. He has so much guilt now that when I told him to leave this morning, he did not question it but simply agreed to whatever I wanted, no questions asked. This is a pattern for him. Later he was in tears about it - he is more sensitive than I am and won't push himself on anyone. He backs off rather than "offend" someone. If I tell him no contact, I'm afraid he'll try to honor that at all costs. Is that the desired outcome? If he does this, what would break the impass?

I will read your story. I will try to be open minded. I'm scared!