this is my first post i just joined and I feel very empowered and ecouraged by what i have read here.

I have recently requested a D from my H a few weeks ago, so we are going to work through a separation agreement. We never agreed on anything these 3 years how can we agree on our separation. Anyway, we have 2 girls under 2 yeas old. We never had a friendship or any type of emotional attachment even before the girls came. We were married 3 months and H didn't want to do anything, go anywhere or talk to me AT ALL. we would come in the house together and we went in differnt directions. I would follow him down to the home office and H acted like I was disturbing him. H would come upstairs long after I went to sleep. when we would have sex he would then go back downtairs and stay all night. It has always been like that. I know nothing about him. We dated 6 months before we married and I recently discovered it was all based on lies. H was engaged when we met but I never knew. Oneday she came in his/our house with her own key and vandalized everything. that was the first i heard of her. she returned while we were there and told me they were engaged. But he told me it was the previous year and that she is just having a hard time getting over him. well that was a lie. he basically left her at the alter. I was 'the other woman' and didn't know it!! This was all before we married but I didn't have all of the information until now. I basically believed his twists of the truth.
now 3 years later i still don't trust anything he says. And when I asked about his past or this woman, H errupts into a rage about how i shouldn't ask so many questions.
i recently discovered in his email that H is still in contact with a different X.
whenever i ask anything he gets angry and tells me i am insecure. it is so horrible i could go on and on. i have prayed, cried and begged. i am emotionally spent and ready to go!

hi,

I know just how you feel. I married my H after knowing him only six months as well. I found out a lot about the lies he'd told me after we were already married. We did have a real marriage though, the cheating never stopped (without my knowledge of any of it).

I am here to encourage you to do what you think is best for you and your girls. I would say follow your heart, but that is not a good way to live your life. The heart is sometimes based on possibilities and not reality so with your gut. The reality maybe that this is who he is? This is who he wants to be? Or even that this is what he thinks marriage is about? Are you really willing to set your feelings and happiness along with your children's happiness aside for what he thinks is proper behavior?

I want you to really look deep inside yourself and think about it, pray about it, and think some more before reacting with Divorce. I personally have two kids three and under and know the thoughts of becoming a single parent scare me, but I know that my H will not do what it takes to keep his family. He will not change in a positive way to make this family work.

Think about it - deep down you know what is right for you. I think you have had three years to see that already?


JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

thanks for your words of encouragement.

the worst of it is my oldest, 21 months, is really acting out. she is verbally abusive, in her own language. she clearly has said b@#tch several times after H has called me that in her presence. H started calling me that and being really verbally abusive when my younger girl was just 2 DAYS OLD.

His 13 years older and at 46 these little babies are his only children, and first marriage. My lawyer even said that H is probably stressed and it may be too hard to keep up with them. NOT! We had problems long before that.

anyway, i have started individual therapy to sort through my thoughts/feelings and to get objective support through this.

i have avoided talking to my minister because i fear he will tell me to pray more and be patient but i have done thatand 3 years is long enough for me to be a doormat!

my fear is to end up like my parents. she has hated my step-father since year 3 or 4 and now 25 years later, she is still his doormat and she has depression, she overeats, obese, high blood pressure and etc. Step-father still walks around in a new suit every few weeks and is the king of the castle.