Hi. Thought I'd introduce myself. My name is Annie, and I'm 40 years old. I never thought, over 20 years ago, that I would be in a divorce forum. I married for good. For better or worse and all that garbage. Even when things got bad, I hung on. I loved him, and I loved our 4 kids. The first 10 years were idyllic....everyone says that nothing is idyllic, but I persist in remembering it that way,,,it probably wasnt,,there were lots of little lies and some not so little ones, but none of the kind that completely destroy the fabric of a relationship in and of themselves,,,,,and then we got a computer, and the affairs started. More than a dozen in total, at least that I know of,,,at first I was understanding, forgiving,,,,I blamed myself,,,what wasn't I giving him? time? attention? That's what he said, but funny he was taking time, attention and money away to see other women. He claims there wasnt ever any sex (only online and some very limited real time romance), but frankly, I dont believe him. He had a vasectomy some 15 years ago, yet I found condoms tucked away. I wanted to believe him, but every time I found out I had to spend 4 hours arguing with him and showing him evidence that I had discovered his women before he'd admit it,,,it was exhausting, to say the least. I think I stopped caring by woman number 6 or 8,,and of course I had my own affair. It wasnt vengence so much as I was dying inside for someone to love me. I still am. I hate all of it,,,,I hate what he stole from me,,,,I hate who I turned out to be from all the pain,,,I used to be so much more trusting, open and warm. I hate looking at this man whith whom I loved more than life itself and feeling nothing,,,,not hate, not love not even caring, beyond a vague feeling of gratitude for being a good father. I hate feeling obligated to do family things when we're not a family any more, or couple things when we're not a couple. for years I tried to resurrect some feeling,,we did the marriage counselor thing 4 times, the individual counseling thing countless times, and MB's principals for a while,,,I just dont think Im the same person anymore,,,and I dont think Ill ever be the person he fell in love with,,,,,I'm the person he created, and the person I forced myself to be after all the pain,,,,and some of it is good,,,I wont EVER be in another relationship where the other person doesnt care about the relationship as much as I do,,,,I wont ever let anyone walk all over me like that again,,,I'm still learning that, and evolving in that,,,,,,but Im not the person I was 20 years ago. Technically we're still married,,,,living in the same house,,,but I havent slept with him for years,,I'd be terrified to,,,,We have seperate bedrooms, which is really hard for me to explain to the children,,,and I'm beginning to think, no matter what the consequences, either financially or emotionally, it's time to get out,,,,,which is why I'm here. Sorry this is so long,,,Annie

Hi Annie,

I am so sorry that your marriage has turned into a nightmare and you have every right to decide whether or not you want to remain married to your WH.

When I divorced my multiple affair WW, I told myself that I would never remarry. Even with sole custody of my daughters, I enjoyed my life to the fullest being a single man and did not need a woman in my life. Don't get me wrong for I dated quite a few women after my divorce but never developed anything beyond a friendship with any of them, that is until I met my present W. What I found different in W compared to the other women was that she was my female version in her first marriage to a multiple affair WH. There was a commonality between us that was not there with the other women. Later I found out that she also read Dr Harley's books and was a firm beleiver of his concepts [which I am also]. Eventually we fell in love with each other and the rest is history. My point is that if you do decide to divorce your WH, please learn to develop an enjoyment of single life because I beleive that it will help you to not settle for anything less than you deserve from a committed relationship like marriage.

TMCM